the show: 10-25-06
American guy riding an escalator in Hong Kong
Ze (singing): Um, one of these kids is not like the other.
(American guy riding an escalator, smiles): Hello.
Ze (singing): Um, one of these kids is doing his own thing.
Ze: You're, like, different.
(looking down): Check it out! A bling ducky.
Senior State Department diplomat Alberto Fernandez, seen here saying (sung in an operatic voice) LAAAAAYYYY!, apologized on Sunday for remarks he made on the Al Jazeera Network. Speaking about how history will judge the war in Iraq he said "(opera voice) LAAAAAYYYY! There is an big possibility for extreme criticism and because, undoubtedly, there was arrogance and stupidity from the United States in Iraq."
Fernandez's apology came a day after he defended his statements to CNN saying "(opera voice) LAAAAAYYYY! Nothing I've said hasn't been said before by senior officials."
However, senior Bush administration officials said "I can only assume his remarks must have been mistranslated." Having been properly translated, the State Department version of the interview now reads "BAAAAAH! Everything's fine."
In the New York Senate race, Republican challenger John Spencer, seen here at the worst taxi stand, ever, was overheard by a reporter disparaging Mrs. Clinton's looks. Mr. Spencer allegedly said "You ever see a picture of her back then? Hoo! I don't know why Bill married her."
Ze (unsure look): I don't know. I think she kinda looked hot.
Slick Ze: I would've done her math homework. Know what I mean? (confused face).
Slick Ze: I would've cleared her cafeteria tray. Know... (laughs, confused face).
Questioning Ze: I would've watched her lava lamp? Why can't I do this?
Ze: Anyways, kids, the point is don't marry anyone unless they're really hot!
Questioning Ze: Cracked her DRM? No, too current...
Ze: Still upset about being edged out of the sexiest man alive competition by Matthew Mcconaughey, Spencer allegedly attributed Clinton's current looks to millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery.
Holy crap! She must be bionic!
Angry Ze: I don't want no stinkin' robots in Congress.
Slick Ze: I would've had sex with her. No, too obvious!
Ze: In a recent CNBC interview, President Bush was asked if he had ever Googled anyone.
President Bush Ze (typing): Where is Bin Ladin?
Porn! This technology crap doesn't work!
Ze: The President responded "Occasionally, one of the things I've used on the Google is to pull up maps."
Scary Ze: The Google!
Trust the Google!
Ze: The President continued saying "I've forgot the name of the program but you get the satellite and you can..."
...Just zoom in on something, press a button, and it blows up! What? Oh, sorry, wrong program.
"...like I kinda like to look at the ranch on Google. It reminds me of where I wanna be sometimes."
What? Lookin' down from space? Or chillin' at the ranch? Either way, I'm with ya.
The President revealed more of his digital life explaining why he does not email. "You know there's no telling what somebody's email may... It would show up as, you know a part of a story and I wouldn't be able to say 'Well, I didn't read the email.'"
Yeah, I hear that. It's nice to keep that option open. You never know when it'll come in handy.
(Picture of Dennis Hastert(?)): Egaywah Han Solo. Hahaha.
Ze: The President is exploring a similar ban on phone calls and in-person conversations with his senior military advisors.
Sharpen her pencils?