the show: 12-08-06

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[Girl in hooded sweatshirt] Hello sports racers, and welcome to the show (camera pans to a clock tower) with ze frank!

[Ze] Man, you guys are making my job easy.

You know what today is. It's 'Ride the Fire Eagle Danger Day

(cut to Linerider RTFEDD intro)

[Ze] Today marks the fourth day since U.N. ambassador Jean Bolton Announced that he will be stepping down when his term expires and looking for a new job.

[Ze imitating Mrs. Bolton - looking at a newspaper] Oh here's one honey, (begins quoting advert) 'must be a dick to subordinates, must have experience undermining institutions, OH, and porn-mustache (is) a plus!' Honey, is yours a 'porn' mustache or more of an 'art' mustache?

[Ze] On Wednesday the Iraq study group formally released its recommendations for U.S. policy in Iraq. The report was met with mixed reviews. Some Democrats calling it 'an inditement of the administration's policies. Pro-war republicans however, were pissed. The New York Post gave them voice, photoshopping Baker and Hamilton's faces onto monkeys. I think it's a diss, I'm not sure. The Post can be very subtle. The term 'surrender monkeys' is an astute political reference to the Simpsons. Other people were just glad that the situation in Iraq was finally being discussed using phrases longer than three words. The Bush administration, however embraced the report, much like you'd embrace someone with a contagious disease, who was on fire, and while you were both running in opposite directions. The President agreed that the Report was made up of words, written on paper with few if any spelling mistakes. After that, things got a little sticky. For example: the Co-chairs of the study group said that 'Stay the Course' is no longer viable.

Asked whether this was a rejection of the presidents handling of the war, Tony 'you the man' Snow said that 'stay the course is not an ministration policy' both presidential counselor Dan 'little-face' Bartlet and the President himself have since said that the administration policy has never been Stay the Course.

(cut to video of President Bush)

[President Bush] We've never been 'stay the course' George. We have been... We will complete the mission"

[Ze] To be fair, when Bush said that the administration would Stay the Course this past August, and the August before that, and April of that year, and December of the year before... he was referring to different courses than the current course that should not be stayed on.

And because of that the President is not 'cutting and running' from Staying the Course. Aside from that little semantics squabble the President is pretty much onboard.

Oh, except for the part about setting goals related to time.

The president took slight issue with the setting of more concrete goals when applied to troop withdraws or the reduction of sectarian violence, opting instead for a more general direction: Forward.

Given the other options (sideways, backwards, up, or down) most Americans agree that 'forward' is an excellent choice.

The President had one other bone to pick which was the Reports call to involve local players (specifically Iran and Syria) in direct diplomatic talks.

The president has long stated that direct talks are out of the question until these two countries behave themselves.

As if on cue, Iran went out of its way this week to prove that it’s a rational diplomatic player."

This week Iran announced that it would invite scholars from around the world to debate issues around the Holocaust, like whether it actually took place.

Although Iran's president Ahmadinedjad has said on several occasions that the Holocaust was either greatly exaggerated or an outright myth, Iranian foreign minister Mohammadi said that the conference would be held without preconceived ideas, saying quote: "Since we are not accused and responsible for the Holocaust, we are an impartial judge."

Yea, about as impartial as my ass, in an... ass judging competition.

RunningFool starts his trip across the country today and here's wishing him safe travels.

For the next month we'll be following his adventure.

Have a great weekend Sports Racers, this is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.

This show's sponsors - Gimme some candy

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