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March 15, 2006

penultima

A: remember when i was depressed?

Z: yup.

A: and you told me to "live each day as if it was my last".

Z: yup. good advice. i think i said "were your last".

A: I tried it yesterday...it sucked.

Z: what did you do?

A: I woke up and cried for 3 hours. At noon I went to Starbuck's and told the barrista I was going to die and tried to kiss her. I was drunk by 2PM and smeared pudding all over my body... before peeing on my nasty neighbor's car. I don't remember the next two hours but I did wake up with bank receipt that said i'd closed my account. strangely i had no money on me. At 6 i called my parents and tried to be cheerful...which freaked them out and they said they would come and visit me in a week or so...which launched me into another fit of sobbing and i had to hang up. For dinner I took my change jar to the cheese shop and tried all the kinds i'd never had before, except the really smelly one, which i put in a post office box, then felt bad and got my arm stuck trying to get it out. At around 9 i suddenly became elated and started singing louis armstrongs "wonderful world", or at least as much as i could remember, in between cheese burps. I cuddled with my cat on my front stoop for about an hour before i let her run free. then i passed out.

Z: whoa...that's not really what i meant.

A: yeah. it doesn't really help the depression.