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-   -   communal limericks (http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin_new/showthread.php?t=397)

Hyakujo's Fox 08-27-2006 10:59 PM

What is that spot on the rug?
Is that where you bludgeoned the thug?
And what is that smell?
An extra syllabell?
Hey, don't just stand there and shrug!

Marcus Bales 08-28-2006 10:07 AM

You can't get away from me now

ambo 08-28-2006 03:06 PM

You can't get away from me now
I've chained your left lobe to your cow

e_why 08-29-2006 10:54 PM

You can't get away from me now
I've chained your left lobe to your cow
She mooed more than you

Marcus Bales 08-29-2006 11:40 PM

You can't get away from me now
I've chained your left lobe to your cow
She mooed more than you
And indigo, too

Audreyvgs 08-30-2006 12:28 AM

You can't get away from me now
I've chained your left lobe to your cow
She mooed more than you
And indigo, too
you thoughtless blue squeaky ass sow!

Marcus Bales 08-30-2006 06:15 AM

You ought to come right out and say

ambo 08-30-2006 08:01 PM

You ought to come right out and say
That you think I'm too old to play

Marcus Bales 08-31-2006 11:09 AM

You ought to come right out and say
That you think I'm too old to play
This hinting around

Anna 08-31-2006 09:34 PM

You ought to come right out and say
That you think I'm too old to play
This hinting around
Doesn't gain any ground

Marcus Bales 08-31-2006 10:49 PM

You ought to come right out and say
That you think I'm too old to play
This hinting around
Doesn't gain any ground
On the old age and cunning cliche.

Marcus Bales 08-31-2006 10:49 PM

Here is your note -- now begin

Anna 09-01-2006 01:03 PM

Here is your note -- now begin
I've taken the quote with a grin

Marcus Bales 09-01-2006 10:51 PM

Here is your note -- now begin
I've taken the quote with a grin
and then this allusion

Anna 09-02-2006 03:31 AM

Here is your note -- now begin
I've taken the quote with a grin
and then this allusion
intent stays confusion

trisherina 09-07-2006 11:46 AM

Here is your note -- now begin
I've taken the quote with a grin
and then this allusion
intent stays confusion
This thing needs a kick in the shin.

ambo 09-08-2006 02:58 PM

The sight of him eating that bacon

LeahDear 09-09-2006 06:30 AM

The sight of him eating that bacon
after promising he'd forsaken

Hyakujo's Fox 09-10-2006 12:23 AM

The sight of him eating that bacon
after promising he'd forsaken
the fruit of the pig

Marcus Bales 09-10-2006 03:19 PM

The sight of him eating that bacon
after promising he'd forsaken
the fruit of the pig
why did he renege

LeahDear 09-11-2006 07:47 AM

The sight of him eating that bacon
after promising he'd forsaken
the fruit of the pig
why did he renege
on the deal when we'd already shaken

Anna 09-13-2006 06:23 AM

Now that the deal is done

LeahDear 09-13-2006 08:26 AM

Now that the deal is done
and the work on the house has begun

Coffee 09-13-2006 04:57 PM

Now that the deal is done
and the work on the house has begun
I can start a new project

catbelly 09-14-2006 02:14 AM

Now that the deal is done
and the work on the house has begun
I can start a new project
Money's no object

Marcus Bales 09-14-2006 02:56 PM

Now that the deal is done
and the work on the house has begun
I can start a new project
Money's no object
And neither is scansion, rhyne, or rhythun.

ambo 09-14-2006 03:00 PM

There's a saying 'bout stones and sin

Marcus Bales 09-14-2006 03:09 PM

There's a saying 'bout stones and sin
Another of pennies and gin

ambo 09-14-2006 04:03 PM

There's a saying 'bout stones and sin
Another of pennies and gin
One 'bout how the big fall

Marcus Bales 09-14-2006 05:44 PM

There's a saying 'bout stones and sin
Another of pennies and gin
One 'bout how the big fall
Long after the rhythm-challenged little people are all

ambo 09-14-2006 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marcus Bales
There's a saying 'bout stones and sin
Another of pennies and gin
One 'bout how the big fall
Long after the rhythm-challenged little people are all

I see Marcus has chosen to ruin another limerick........
Would anyone else care to continue this one?
No?
Then I will.

There's a saying 'bout stones and sin
Another of pennies and gin
One 'bout how the big fall
But my favorite of all
Can fit on the head of a pin

Marcus Bales 09-14-2006 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ambo
I see Marcus has chosen to ruin another limerick........
Would anyone else care to continue this one?

There's a saying 'bout stones and sin
Another of pennies and gin
One 'bout how the big fall

Ambo, maybe if you were open to learning something about how verse is supposed to scan you wouldn't be so defensive. But right now nearly every line you write has something pretty seriously wrong with it. I am mocking your lame lines, sure, but that is because they're lame lines. Take these two you've done, for example:

there's a SAYing 'bout STONES and SIN

A limerick line's charm is in the facility with which the writer uses the language, not abuses it. You're missing a syllable between stones and sin, and you abbreviate a word that is not commonly abbreviated, about, in order to try to jam the right number of syllables in the line. The strange thing is that even though you seem willing to abuse the language in order to get the rhythm, you still just don't get the rhythm. Basically, the rule is "Don't abuse the language to get the rhythm"; the exception is "If you abuse the language to get the rhythm, do it cleverly or amusingly"; the corollary is "If you must abuse the language to get the rhythm, then at least get the rhythm when you abuse the language"; and you have achieved the worst case in yours: you not only abuse the language uncleverly and unamusingly, but having done so, you STILL get it wrong.

The other one is not quite so bad, but you still abuse the language with 'bout when a little thought and imagination could get around having to do such a lame-o thing.

The fun in limericks is in succeeding in a crushingly difficult form: it's short, it's two rhythms not common in English, it's got to be clever or amusing. If you can't handle the form, you're not really having the fun. You may be having some other kind of fun, like "Look how badly I can goof up when other people can actually do what I can't do" kind of fun, I guess, but it's painful to watch, and one imagines that if you really recognized just how badly you're doing, you'd find it painful, too.

You might do well to remember the dictum: Poems are easy to write if you don't know how.

Marcus

ambo 09-14-2006 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marcus Bales
Ambo, maybe if you were open to learning something about how verse is supposed to scan you wouldn't be so defensive. But right now nearly every line you write has something pretty seriously wrong with it. I am mocking your lame lines, sure, but that is because they're lame lines. Take these two you've done, for example:

there's a SAYing 'bout STONES and SIN

A limerick line's charm is in the facility with which the writer uses the language, not abuses it. You're missing a syllable between stones and sin, and you abbreviate a word that is not commonly abbreviated, about, in order to try to jam the right number of syllables in the line. The strange thing is that even though you seem willing to abuse the language in order to get the rhythm, you still just don't get the rhythm. Basically, the rule is "Don't abuse the language to get the rhythm"; the exception is "If you abuse the language to get the rhythm, do it cleverly or amusingly"; the corollary is "If you must abuse the language to get the rhythm, then at least get the rhythm when you abuse the language"; and you have achieved the worst case in yours: you not only abuse the language uncleverly and unamusingly, but having done so, you STILL get it wrong.

The other one is not quite so bad, but you still abuse the language with 'bout when a little thought and imagination could get around having to do such a lame-o thing.

The fun in limericks is in succeeding in a crushingly difficult form: it's short, it's two rhythms not common in English, it's got to be clever or amusing. If you can't handle the form, you're not really having the fun. You may be having some other kind of fun, like "Look how badly I can goof up when other people can actually do what I can't do" kind of fun, I guess, but it's painful to watch, and one imagines that if you really recognized just how badly you're doing, you'd find it painful, too.

You might do well to remember the dictum: Poems are easy to write if you don't know how.

Marcus

Get off your high horse, Marcus, and LEAVE ME ALONE.
I didn't ask you to critique my writing. Nobody did.
You are an egotistical, arrogant, bore.
I will react to your "constructive criticism" exactly the same each time you do it, so save your breath, and GET A LIFE.

catbelly 09-14-2006 07:32 PM

Not be a shit disturber, but I assumed he was talking to me. My line wasn't right on.

Marcus Bales 09-14-2006 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ambo
Get off your high horse, Marcus, and LEAVE ME ALONE.
I didn't ask you to critique my writing. Nobody did.
You are an egotistical, arrogant, bore.
I will react to your "constructive criticism" exactly the same each time you do it, so save your breath, and GET A LIFE.

Resorting to name-calling is just more evidence that you really don't know what you're doing. Learn how to write limerick lines. I'm sure you're a wonderful person, kind to animals and your significant other, and you pay your taxes. But that doesn't entitle you to be self-righteous about your ignorance and incompetence. Learn more; get better -- don't whine.

catbelly 09-14-2006 07:42 PM

My gun is in need of a cleaning

ambo 09-14-2006 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marcus Bales
Resorting to name-calling is just more evidence that you really don't know what you're doing. Learn how to write limerick lines. I'm sure you're a wonderful person, kind to animals and your significant other, and you pay your taxes. But that doesn't entitle you to be self-righteous about your ignorance and incompetence. Learn more; get better -- don't whine.

I have a question, Master Marcus. Just who the HELL do you think you are?
You have no right to tell me what to do, no right to insult me, and no right to place yourself in a position of final judge of what is good and bad poetry. Yours are the only actions that have been ignorant here, and you insist on continuing long after you have been asked to stop. The only reason you are getting away with this behavior is because this is an unmoderated forum. On any other forum, you would be asked to stop, and failing to do so, would be asked to leave.

Let me see if I can make this clear for your oversized brain to comprehend.
You CANNOT control this forum.
You CANNOT control me.
I WILL contribute to these threads as I see fit.
I will NOT take any advice or orders you give me, because you have no authority here.
I will CONTINUE to oppose you if you insist on publicly humiliating me whenever my prose does not live up to your standards.

Now, since you are obviously the much wiser of the two of us, surely you can see that to continue to try to educate one poor ignorant slob is really a waste of your very valuable time.

ambo 09-14-2006 10:22 PM

My gun is in need of a cleaning
And my chicken coop needs a good screening

Marcus Bales 09-15-2006 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ambo
I have a question, Master Marcus. Just who the HELL do you think you are?

I'm the guy who writes the good limericks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ambo
You have no right to tell me what to do, no right to insult me, and no right to place yourself in a position of final judge of what is good and bad poetry.

Sure I do: and the test is whether I make a reasonable case for my opinions, since judging poetry is a subjective endeavor. I think I've made a reasonable case whenever you've made a really bad line. I don't bother to point out every sort of bad line, of course, only when one really grates.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ambo
Yours are the only actions that have been ignorant here, and you insist on continuing long after you have been asked to stop.

I've asked YOU to stop writing bad limerick lines. That's the point, here, Ambo -- YOU are the one who won't stop. If you stop writing bad lines, I'll be happy to stop criticising the lines.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ambo
The only reason you are getting away with this behavior is because this is an unmoderated forum. On any other forum, you would be asked to stop, and failing to do so, would be asked to leave.

Bah. You've been asked to stop writing bad lines and you haven't done it. Stop writing bad lines and I'll stop making fun of your bad lines. I'm not down on YOU, Ambo, I'm down on your behavior and your work. Do better work, behave better, and your work and behavior won't be mocked.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ambo
I WILL contribute to these threads as I see fit.
I will NOT take any advice or orders you give me, because you have no authority here.
I will CONTINUE to oppose you if you insist on publicly humiliating me whenever my prose does not live up to your standards.

But of course the problem is that you are writing prose when you should be writing poetry -- it's not that your prose does not live up to my standards for prose. It's that your prose does not live up to my standards for poetry. Perhaps one of the first things you should look into is the difference, eh?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ambo
Now, since you are obviously the much wiser of the two of us, surely you can see that to continue to try to educate one poor ignorant slob is really a waste of your very valuable time.

Oh, no -- it's never a waste of time to try to educate the ignorant! Ignorance means "lack of information". It's the stupid (those who lack the processing power) who it's a waste of time to educate.

Look, Ambo, sometimes your lines are fine. Hell, sometimes my lines are crappy. Everyone writes a bad line now and then. Mocking bad lines is part of the game. Lighten up -- it's only communal verse on a bulletin board. No one even knows your real name, as far as I know. What are YOU complaining about, Ms Anonymous? You could write crappy lines forever and no one would ever connect it with your real life. I, on the other hand, sign my real name, and take some pride in my work. Maybe there's a lesson there for those who would learn it.

Marcus Bales 09-15-2006 12:11 AM

My gun is in need of a cleaning
And my chicken coop needs a good screening
That terrible hawk


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