someone just asked me if i was over-worked and i said "yes, and crabby".....he then said "that's the nicest way anyone has ever told me to fvck off"

Re: Proud to be British!
 

Only in Britain ... do they steal self-deprectation lists from the United States... :p

Re: Re: Proud to be British!
 

probably! hehe! :D

My old Dad is getting forgetful but he stilll likes to play with cars. A couple of months ago he lost his mobile phone. Email today:

I found my lost mobile phone under a Riley wheel.

The entire "It's a Donkey" thread has made me guffaw loudly for two days running.

Also, this came in my email:

The _Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous and _high risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea _lecthim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him"). Many _victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, and _in spite of having taken measures to _protect themselves from this especially _virulent disease.

Cognitive sequellae of individuals infected with _Gonorrhea _lecthim include, _but are not limited to: Anti-social _personality disorder traits; delusions _of grandeur with a distinct Messianic _flavor; chronic mangling of the English _language; extreme cognitive dissonance; _inability to incorporate new _information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions; _exceptional cowardice masked by acts of _misplaced bravado; ignorance of _geography and history; tendencies toward _creating evangelical theocracies; and a _strong propensity for categorical, _all-or-nothing behavior.

The above makes me laugh.

And, a farmer was selling watermellons one fine summer day at $3 each. A little girl wanted to buy one but only had thirty cents. The farmer looked around and spotted a small one and offered to sell it for her cash. She said "Fine, I'll be back in 3 months to pick it up."

OK, TEnenbaum fans.....
Ive been watching the criterion special edition dvd of tenenbaums twice a day, and ive finally figured something outt......
ROYAL WAS NEVER AXUALLY DYING.
shocking, i know.
your thoughts


yeah seriously dude hate to bust your bubble, but your ridiculously stupid
my three year old sister knows that royal wasnt dying..and shes deaf and blind.
it wasnt a mystery, this is not like vanilla sky or memento..theres nothing to figure out here genius. wow go watch spiderman or something, with a couple hints...you might figure out what spidermans real identity is.....ill give you a clue, its peter...p...


so Royal wasn't dying??? i so confoosed



i seriously cannot stop laughing.........

jesus rims!! :rolleyes:

^^^ i'm still cracking up about this

btw i didn't write it if that's what you're thinking

i think it was supposed to be a joke and people were getting soooooo mad..........hahahahaha

... the bruise on my arse (ass) from my drunken fall on saturday

The bruise on my ass is from falling out the door at the gas station last night.
I was dressed in my new black pants and cardigan and looked very chic.
The fall must have lasted 30 seconds. I didn't know there was a step so my foot dropped an extra three inches and I stumbled. I caught my other foot on firm cement and went to step forward, only to discover there was a shovel and other snow tools which I caught with my toe. I fell backward with tools clattering all around me and hit a door jamb with my butt. This spun me around and I ended up staggering forward and hit the other side of the door jamb. Very noisy and very undignified. I was laughing hysterically for the first time in days. The owner and my friend came rushing out to find me standing there in front of the door laughing, holding my butt, with shovels and a rake and window cleaner supplies all around me.
I think I'll use a different gas station for a while ;)

http://forum.zgeek.com/showthread.ph...hybrid&t=24908


"So my wife of fifteen years (next thusday) and I were having a kind of lull in our relationship. Still can't put a finger on what caused it, just a really weird time. We weren't talking and it just sucked for like three weeks. Neither of us were sleeping and things were really strained. Something had to give! I burned a totally legal* copy of "Can't smile without you" on to a CD, snuck to my wife's work, loaded it in her CD player in her car and adjusted the volume to the proper setting.

It worked. That simple yet extremely gay gesture got us talking and ****ing again. w00t. Thanks Barry Manilow.

*as per the copyright laws of Anarctica and Mars, possibly others."

I miss the divine Miss M.

Sorry, but I must interject.

The missionary position IS boring.