^^^^^Is there a "what makes me cringe" thread?

thats animal cruelty!

FROM A DOG'S DIARY

8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The Kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Mum! My favorite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

Day 183 Of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induces myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.

I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.

The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait...

__________________________________________________ _______________I can wait...

The runner at the office put a Fed Ex (priority overnight) in the U.S. Postal Service mail box. Poor thing, some people are so clueless.

pssst..dont tell anyone..but...
the post office outsources to fed ex and vice versa.
This fact won't help your guy, but it is true, none the less.

Yes, but it didn't help to get the check the the doctor's office that it needed to get to today, for an appointment on Monday.

All worked out, for his benefit because angry lawyers and doctors are not a good combination.

Yeah, lawyers suck. :)

Not when the door to their door is shut. ;) Just kidding.


My neighbors just told me a story that made me laugh. . . He recently visited Independance, Missouri. He originally stopped there to check out Harry Truman's house. Two block's away he found none other than a casket outlet store. :confused:

But it gets better. . . next door to the casket store was a hawaian religious store.

. . .I guess Harry Truman really did come from humble beginnings.

"His son said, 'He seems so cold.'"

(I will say nothing more other than to ecksplain that the gentleman in question was BLEEDING DEMISED.)

^^

Never tell HER anything.........

I am the soul of discretion.

still better than the Hoff