I wish you were still here with me
Though I know why you needed to flee
But now I am rich
I scratch my own itch
and that way i get it for free

Too busy to stop and smell roses?

Too busy to stop and smell roses?
Buy beauty in small measured doses?

Too busy to stop and smell roses?
Buy beauty in small measured doses?
I've got what you need

Too busy to stop and smell roses?
Buy beauty in small measured doses?
I've got what you need
It's tiny indeed

Too busy to stop and smell roses?
Buy beauty in small measured doses?
I've got what you need
It's tiny indeed
As prescribed, and our shop never closes.

Oh brrr! It's too cold! Where's the heat?

Oh brrr! It's too cold! Where's the heat?
The forecast is rain, snow, and sleet.

Oh brrr! It's too cold! Where's the heat?
The forecast is rain, snow, and sleet.
Where are my damn mittens?

Oh brrr! It's too cold! Where's the heat?
The forecast is rain, snow, and sleet.
Where are my damn mittens?
i'll just strap on some kittens

Oh brrr! It's too cold! Where's the heat?
The forecast is rain, snow, and sleet.
Where are my damn mittens?
i'll just strap on some kittens
And puppies for my blue feet

'Pub Thumping
 

:D

The Republicans took quite a thumpin'

I think you should check out my shop
Im sellin here, dont make me stop!
My sig is my life!
its just like my wife!
I married it, now i can't swap!

The Republicans took quite a thumpin'
The Dem's are so happy their humpin'

The Republicans took quite a thumpin'
The Dem's are so happy their humpin'
they better look back
cause here comes Iraq
Next election, they might get a rumpin!

Some Mormons turned up at my door

Some Mormons turned up at my door
But since I had just polished the floor

Some Mormons turned up at my door
But since I had just polished the floor
they freudian slipped

Some Mormons turned up at my door
But since I had just polished the floor
they freudian slipped
becoming tight-lipped

Some Mormons turned up at my door
But since I had just polished the floor
they freudian slipped
becoming tight-lipped
in discovering my life as a whore

A Witness for Jehovah knocked next
and began to brandish his text

A Witness for Jehovah knocked next
and began to brandish his text
Until he noticed me bare

A Witness for Jehovah knocked next
and began to brandish his text
Until he noticed me bare
which made him aware

A Witness for Jehovah knocked next
and began to brandish his text
Until he noticed me bare
which made him aware
alas I was naked and vext

The Christians were close on his heels

The Christians were close on his heels
And I was still what you'd call "peeled"

The Christians were close on his heels
And I was still what you'd call "peeled"
with birthday suit holy

The Christians were close on his heels
And I was still what you'd call "peeled"
with birthday suit holy
I cried "holy moley"

The Christians were close on his heels
And I was still what you'd call "peeled"
with birthday suit holy
I cried "holy moley"
Which was lost as the Christians all squealed.

The krishnas who followed were fun

The krishnas who followed were fun
As they danced up and down in the sun
But the Atheists were pissed
As usual, and dissed
how much worship and prancing was done.

The rice chex I'm eating are stale

The rice chex I'm eating are stale
But of shredded wheat, I've had a bale

The rice chex I'm eating are stale
But of shredded wheat, I've had a bale
Next week, I'll buy Trix

The rice chex I'm eating are stale
But of shredded wheat, I've had a bale
Next week, I'll buy Trix
'Cause a quick sugar fix

The rice chex I'm eating are stale
But of shredded wheat, I've had a bale
Next week, I'll buy Trix
'Cause a quick sugar fix
And my tongue reads the Trix Code in Braille.

Hot porrige on a cold winter's morn

Hot porrige on a cold winter's morn
Tastes so good when my spirit feels torn

Hot porrige on a cold winter's morn
Tastes so good when my spirit feels torn
add some brown sugar and butter

Hot porridge on a cold winter's morn
Tastes so good when my spirit feels torn
add some brown sugar and butter
til my heart starts to flutter
and the world won't feel quite so forlorn