My neck hurts, my jaw-hinge is sore
My foot throbs from pounding the floor
I'm covered with sweat

My neck hurts, my jaw-hinge is sore
My foot throbs from pounding the floor
I'm covered with sweat
And much to my regret
She's calling me back in for more

There's nothing that I'd rather do

There's nothing that I'd rather do
Than loll in a vat of warm goo

There's nothing that I'd rather do
Than loll in a vat of warm goo
With my grandmother's friend
a camera on lend

There's nothing that I'd rather do
Than loll in a vat of warm goo
With my grandmother's friend
a camera on lend
a bottle of Bailey's, and you

There's nothing that I'd rather do
Than loll in a vat of warm goo
With my grandmother's friend
a camera on lend
a bottle of Bailey's, and you

A bottle of Bailey's and you, my sweet,
A bottle of Bailey's and you.
We need not depend on my grandmother's friend
With a bottle of Bailey's, and you, my sweet,
A bottle of Bailey's and you.

Oh a bottle of Bailey's and you, my dear,
A bottle of Bailey's and you.
We'll loll and transcend the camera on lend
With a bottle of Bailey's and you, my dear,
A bottle of Bailey's and you.

A bottle of Bailey's a bottle of Bailey's,
A bottle of Bailey's and you,
The wrinkled old friend, the camera on lend
And the warm and enveloping goo!

***INTERMAJECTION***
 

Oh, my sweet Lord in heaven, that was great.

I am, literally, rolling on the floor, laughing.

Literally. Rocking, in great sweeping motions from side to side. Right down here on this gritty, linty, unvacuumed, say-is-that-a-Froot-Loop-mm-it-sure-is floor. Screeching, braying, guffawing, utterly convulsed with uncontrollable, hysterectomalogical jollity.

Thank you, Marcus. You're tops.

TOPS, I TELLS YA!


Clearly amused,
DDD

There's something about my demeanor,
Which makes me think "hmmm could be leaner..."

There's something about my demeanor,
Which makes me think "hmmm could be leaner...
Not skinny as tube ends
Nor plush as a Rubens

There's something about my demeanor,
Which makes me think "hmmm could be leaner...
Not skinny as tube ends
Nor plush as a Rubens
But sensually, none could be keener

Her sensual nature revealed

Her sensual nature revealed
The beauty she'd hitherto concealed,

Her sensual nature revealed
The beauty she'd hitherto concealed,
He began making passes
When she took off her glasses

Her sensual nature revealed
The beauty she'd hitherto concealed,
He began making passes
When she took off her glasses
And realised her blood was congealed.

The vampire slipped softly through windows,

The vampire slipped softly through windows,
He went outta dese and in dose

The vampire slipped softly through windows,
He went outta dese and in dose
He was in such a hurry,
so ate all the curry,

The vampire slipped softly through windows,
He went outta dese and in dose
He was in such a hurry,
so ate all the curry,
and left all the limas and pintos

We're running ourselves out of gas

We're running ourselves out of gas
It all shall be gone soon alas!
Those cars are too honk-y
So mount your old donkey
And don't be such a pain in the ass

When Dracula roused in his grave
He was in no mood to behave

When Dracula roused in his grave
He was in no mood to behave
In civilized fashion;
He followed his passion
Like the old hermit Dave in his cave.

When Dracula roused in his grave
He was in no mood to behave
In civilized fashion;
He followed his passion
Like the old hermit Dave in his cave.

Then he came like a bat out of hell
Jumping out from his grave with a yell

When Dracula roused in his grave
He was in no mood to behave
In civilized fashion;
He followed his passion
Like the old hermit Dave in his cave.

Then he came like a bat out of hell
Jumping out from his grave with a yell
"Geronimo Bradley!"
He cried, rather badly
(Tho not nearly so bad as his smell)

When Dracula roused in his grave
He was in no mood to behave
In civilized fashion;
He followed his passion
Like the old hermit Dave in his cave.

Then he came like a bat out of hell
Jumping out from his grave with a yell
"Geronimo Bradley!"
He cried, rather badly
(Tho not nearly so bad as his smell)

"Zose vurms! I smell like a stiff!"
He staggered as he caught a whiff
"I'm stinky and gaunt
As when they threw Dantes
From the cliff at the Chateau D'If!"

Tippy-toed atop of a stool

Tippy-toed atop of a stool
He reached while humming "Don't Be Cruel"

Tippy-toed atop of a stool
He reached while humming "Don't Be Cruel"
But a minor misstep
made his head go "ker-PLEP"
and now all he's good for is to drool

I clambered up on to the board
I leapt and oh man I just soared

I clambered up on to the board
I leapt and oh man I just soared
but coming back down

I clambered up on to the board
I leapt and oh man I just soared
but coming back down
My pants turned quite brown

I clambered up on to the board
I leapt and oh man I just soared
but coming back down
My pants turned quite brown --
So much that I got an award.

As Desdemona said to Othello

As Desdemona said to Othello
"your pants - Why are they so yellow?"

As Desdemona said to Othello
"your pants - Why are they so yellow?"
"Oh my dear, have no fear!
I've a lemon in here
squeezed betwixt a brace of tangelo"

As Lear may have said to Cordelia

As Lear may have said to Cordelia
"Why don't you just make like Ophelia?"

As Lear may have said to Cordelia
"Why don't you just make like Ophelia?"
To the nunnery you'll get

As Lear may have said to Cordelia
"Why don't you just make like Ophelia?"
To the nunnery you'll get
Or be thoroughly wet