I wish I could wake up Australian
in a time zone where animals mammalian

I wish I could wake up Australian
in a time zone where animals mammalian
run wild as they should

I wish I could wake up Australian
in a time zone where animals mammalian
run wild as they should,
and where jills blow on wood
causing purring that sounds crocadilian

sleep's not an option for me
though once in a while I can pee
they bring me a cup
and I fill it up

sleep's not an option for me
though once in a while I can pee
they bring me a cup
and I fill it up
Big Gulp whilst on a urinating spree!

I'm recalling all those past debates

I'm recalling all those past debates
Those speeches in pivotal states...

I'm recalling all those past debates
Those speeches in pivotal states...
To vote? I'll demur.
The outcome seems sure
One waffles while one masturbates

Of politics I'm really sick
Im sure that both could be a dick
money makes both men i think
one's a dweeb and one's a dink
I'll vote for who gets us out quick.

"Where's my hairspray?" asked Kerry,
As his helmet started sporting hairies,

"Where's my hairspray?" asked Kerry,
As his helmet started sporting hairies,
"I dont want a Bush!"
"I'll look like a tush!"
"I dont want to look quite that scary~!"

Theresa said Laura's a Bitch

Theresa said Laura's a Bitch
Dub said "just ignore the witch
Don't give in and throttle
the saucy Red Bottle

Theresa said Laura's a Bitch
Dub said "just ignore the witch
Don't give in and throttle
the saucy Red Bottle
just talk about her and make her nose itch.

There once was a rather strange fellow
Whose tongue was distinctively yellow

There once was a rather strange fellow
Whose tongue was distinctively yellow
Spicy said with a laugh
come give it a bath
you need some more of my jello!

I sure do stink
but I need a drink
Don't be a man hater
I'll shower later
I don't give a shit what you think

A bubbling young lass from Wamsutta

A bubbling young lass from Wamsutta
decided to spread on some butta

A bubbling young lass from Wamsutta
decided to spread on some butta
She claimed she was toast
A strange kind of boast
Still she tasted quite good for a nutter

Im apalled with this year's election
of a guy who'd fark up an erection

Im apalled with this year's election
of a guy who'd fark up an erection
He calls it his weapon

Im apalled with this year's election
of a guy who'd fark up an erection
He calls it his weapon;
The whole UN's schleppin' --
Alas -- it's too small for detection.

There once was a man called Bush
Whose brains were a big pile of mush

There once was a man called Bush
Whose brains were a big pile of mush
caused by massive pollution
but there's a solution

There once was a man called Bush
Whose brains were a big pile of mush
caused by massive pollution
but there's a solution
It includes my foot and his tush

I've been absent for quite a long while

I've been absent for quite a long while
but in abstentia have retained my strong style

I've been absent for quite a long while
but in abstentia have retained my strong style
but my style has turned steadily bolder and stronger
because my limericky lines have grown so unashamedly longer
and I think you'll agree this last one right here is much too long by a mile

Let's move to the coast and forget

Let's move to the coast and forget
this horrible weather and regret

Let's move to the coast and forget
this horrible weather and regret
we'll have fun in the sun

Let's move to the coast and forget
this horrible weather and regret
we'll have fun in the sun
eat oranges by the ton

Let's move to the coast and forget
this horrible weather and regret
we'll have fun in the sun
eat oranges by the ton
And perfect a collective sestet

I'm a little put off by my maid;

I'm a little put off by my maid;
I scarcely begrudge what she's paid

I'm a little put off by my maid;
I scarcely begrudge what she's paid
as long as she does

I'm a little put off by my maid;
I scarcely begrudge what she's paid
as long as she does
that thing to remove fuzz

I'm a little put off by my maid;
I scarcely begrudge what she's paid
as long as she does
that thing to remove fuzz
then sprays the damn thing with some Glade

When the wind blows this hard, I tingle