She waddled along by the road
She was cross-eyed and quite pigeon-toed
Her hair was a mess
One shudders to guess
What she did to be star of this ode

This fat, cross-eyed, messy old kitty

This fat, cross-eyed, messy old kitty
Drunkenly gurgled a ditty

This fat, cross-eyed, messy old kitty
Drunkenly gurgled a ditty
So ribald and rude

This fat, cross-eyed, messy old kitty
Drunkenly gurgled a ditty
So ribald and rude
Was her attitude

This fat, cross-eyed, messy old kitty
Drunkenly gurgled a ditty
So ribald and rude
Was her attitude
It was often mistaken for witty.

Make it rich, not too hot, and sweeter

Make it rich, not too hot, and sweeter
While I run to the corner to meet her

Make it rich, not too hot, and sweeter
While I run to the corner to meet her
and tell her to hurry

Make it rich, not too hot, and sweeter
While I run to the corner to meet her
and tell her to hurry
'cause indiscreet Murray
Is planning to be indiscreeter.

The summer of nineteen ninety two
Was as hot as a fierce vindaloo

The summer of nineteen ninety two
Was as hot as a fierce vindaloo
The cur was so mudgeoned
The high was so dudgeoned

The summer of nineteen ninety two
Was as hot as a fierce vindaloo
The cur was so mudgeoned
The high was so dudgeoned
That the cat up and shat in my shoe

I was surfing the web late one night
When I found a mysterious site

I was surfing the web late one night
When I found a mysterious site
It was girls with a yen
For incontinent men