1. There once was a girl with five cats
2. Her attic had lots of large bats.
3. So she thought up a plan
4. Turned on her ceing fan,

1. There once was a girl with five cats
2. Her attic had lots of large bats.
3. So she thought up a plan
4. Turned on her ceing fan,
5.There is now plenty of food for the rats

1. If you talk on your phone when you drive

1. If you talk on your phone when you drive
2. You piss off all of 495

1. If you talk on your phone when you drive
2. You piss off all of 495
3. They'll flip you the bird

1. If you talk on your phone when you drive
2. You piss off all of 495
3. They'll flip you the bird
4. Then call you a bad word

1. If you talk on your phone when you drive
2. You piss off all of 495
3. They'll flip you the bird
4. Then call you a bad word
5. And maybe you'll get out alive.

Suppose you wake up in your yard,

1. Suppose you wake up in your yard,
2. Awoken by something quite hard

1. Suppose you wake up in your yard,
2. Awoken by something quite hard
3. Its a beer bottle you say

from your hammock where you lay

1. Suppose you wake up in your yard,
2. Awoken by something quite hard
3. Its a beer bottle you say
4. From your hammock where you lay
5. The wife threw it, and caught you off guard!

1. In Times Square I watched the ball drop

1. In Times Square I watched the ball drop
2. And listened to champagne corks pop

1. In Times Square I watched the ball drop
2. And listened to champagne corks pop
3. There were drunks all around

1. In Times Square I watched the ball drop
2. And listened to champagne corks pop
3. There were drunks all around
4. And as I lay on the ground,

1. In Times Square I watched the ball drop
2. And listened to champagne corks pop
3. There were drunks all around
4. And as I lay there on the ground,
5. I puked, and the whole party stopped.

1. I once took a trip to Nepal.

1. I once took a trip to Nepal.
2. While I was there i had a great fall.

1. I once took a trip to Nepal.
2. While I was there i had a great fall.
3. I bruised my patoot

1. I once took a trip to Nepal.
2. While I was there i had a great fall.
3. I bruised my patoot
4. And mangled my foot

1. I once took a trip to Nepal.
2. While I was there i had a great fall.
3. I bruised my patoot
4. And mangled my foot
5. Those mountains are way way too tall.

I once stuck a bean in my nose...














__________________________________
Those last two were beautiful, you guys!!

I once stuck a bean in my nose,
I attempted getting it out with a rose

I once stuck a bean in my nose,
I attempted getting it out with a rose
Although it smelled good

I once stuck a bean in my nose,
I attempted getting it out with a rose
Although it smelled good
Kept me from breathin' like I should

I once stuck a bean in my nose,
I attempted getting it out with a rose
Although it smelled good
Kept me from breathin' like I should
When i sneezed, limas would show!

I have this cool coat that is orange

I have this cool coat that is orange
Which unhappily snagged on a door-hinge

I have this cool coat that is orange
Which unhappily snagged on a door-hinge
The damn thing unraveled

I have this cool coat that is orange
Which unhappily snagged on a door-hinge
The damn thing unraveled
The Cat looked quite baffled

I have this cool coat that is orange
Which unhappily snagged on a door-hinge
The damn thing unraveled
The Cat looked quite baffled
And jeered at my silly performange


*cringe*
While we're at it, why don't we try starting them out with "silver" or "purple" or some equally sadistic impossible to rhyme words.

1. Sometimes I stare at the phone

1. Sometimes I stare at the phone
2. Expecting a call from my clone

1. Sometimes I stare at the phone
2. Expecting a call from my clone
3. My clone never calls

1. Sometimes I stare at the phone
2. Expecting a call from my clone
3. My clone never calls
4. He hasn't the balls

1. Sometimes I stare at the phone
2. Expecting a call from my clone
3. My clone never calls
4. He hasn't the balls
5, And so I sit here all alone!

At midnight it's champagne and kissing

Screw it. I slept through the party anyway.

Let's try again, shall we?

*clears throat*

1. There once was a man from Lake Titicaca

1. There once was a man from Lake Titicaca
2. Who thought he would move to Yamagata