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-   -   Post something that made you laugh today. (http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin_new/showthread.php?t=4329)

Frieda 12-03-2004 03:32 PM


Audreyvgs 12-03-2004 03:36 PM

^^^^^Is there a "what makes me cringe" thread?

Spicy Jack 12-03-2004 03:46 PM

thats animal cruelty!

melissa 12-03-2004 05:39 PM

FROM A DOG'S DIARY

8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The Kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Mum! My favorite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

Day 183 Of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induces myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.

I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.

The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait...

__________________________________________________ _______________I can wait...

drivinmissdaisy 12-04-2004 12:14 AM

The runner at the office put a Fed Ex (priority overnight) in the U.S. Postal Service mail box. Poor thing, some people are so clueless.

Avalon 12-04-2004 12:17 AM

pssst..dont tell anyone..but...
the post office outsources to fed ex and vice versa.
This fact won't help your guy, but it is true, none the less.

drivinmissdaisy 12-04-2004 12:20 AM

Yes, but it didn't help to get the check the the doctor's office that it needed to get to today, for an appointment on Monday.

All worked out, for his benefit because angry lawyers and doctors are not a good combination.

priceyfatprude 12-04-2004 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by drivinmissdaisy
All worked out, for his benefit because angry lawyers and doctors are not a good combination.
Yeah, lawyers suck. :)

drivinmissdaisy 12-04-2004 12:34 AM

Quote:

Yeah, lawyers suck.
Not when the door to their door is shut. ;) Just kidding.


My neighbors just told me a story that made me laugh. . . He recently visited Independance, Missouri. He originally stopped there to check out Harry Truman's house. Two block's away he found none other than a casket outlet store. :confused:

But it gets better. . . next door to the casket store was a hawaian religious store.

. . .I guess Harry Truman really did come from humble beginnings.

Audreyvgs 12-04-2004 04:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by priceyfatprude

Cause it's usually followed by "well why did you get online then?" & etc etc etc. It's much easier to pop in & out. Like a mole on the Whack-a-Mole.


trisherina 12-07-2004 03:43 AM

"His son said, 'He seems so cold.'"

(I will say nothing more other than to ecksplain that the gentleman in question was BLEEDING DEMISED.)

madasacutsnake 12-07-2004 08:29 AM

^^

Never tell HER anything.........

trisherina 12-07-2004 03:16 PM

I am the soul of discretion.

Frieda 12-07-2004 07:25 PM


Spicy Jack 12-07-2004 07:26 PM

still better than the Hoff

Frieda 12-07-2004 07:28 PM


Avalon 12-07-2004 08:00 PM

Frieda!!
Are Milli Vanilli the new Hasselhoff?? :p

priceyfatprude 12-08-2004 01:55 AM

1 Attachment(s)
Quote:

Originally posted by Spicy Jack
still better than the Hoff
You are dead to me now.

Audreyvgs 12-08-2004 12:18 PM


priceyfatprude 12-08-2004 10:43 PM


sparticle 12-09-2004 12:24 AM

Quote:

Boy, I feel safer now that Martha's behind bars. O.J. & Kobe are walking around, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook and clean and haul her to jail.

:D

Coffee 12-12-2004 03:39 AM

I was trying to find a nice way to say something about the drum set behind leo...this is so much better. :D :D :D

Quote:

Originally posted by madasacutsnake
Ally.

A drum kit?

No.

I found it helped to change my frame of reference from

"being a mummy is a really good and fun thing"

to

"it truly greatly sucks cow's big hairy smelly *ss".


Large Marge 12-12-2004 04:46 AM

David Hasselhoff looks like a woman dressed up like a man.

Gatsby 12-12-2004 06:20 AM

David Hasselhoff IS a woman dressed up like a man. A woman on hormone-therapy-gone-awry.

Spicy Jack 12-13-2004 05:51 PM

Quote:

Q: Dani from Dallas, Texas writes:


Barney-
My scottie, Cooper has a question for you. How does sandpaper feel?


A:Barney, First Dog:


Ruff!!!!!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HEE HOOO HAAA

^^^hahahahahaha

Clytie 12-13-2004 07:04 PM

"look free penguins!!!"

rmr 12-13-2004 08:03 PM

actual conversation

fool: kentucky's in wisconsin, right?

me: yes, it is.

dinzdale 12-13-2004 08:11 PM

The Cleveland Indians general manager is wondering what to do for some better pitching, when one of his assistants suggests they follow up a lead on a 17 yr old Iraqi kid. They travel top Bagdad, and watch as the kid throws 100 mph fastballs, wicked sliders and a curveball that moves both ways.
The Indians sign the boy and he takes the mound on opening day. Everyone is ther to see the young Iraqi pitch. 3 hours later the younmg lad is the talk of the baseball world as he throws 9 innings of shut-out baseball, including 22 strikeouts, as the opponents are made to look silly, flailing away and missing embarrasingly.
Later that evening, he calls his mother to tell her of how great everyone has trested him, and what a great day he had.
"Well good for you my selfish son", berates his mother. "While you were having fun playing your silly game, your father was shot in the leg, you sister was abducted by a street gang, and your younger brother was arrested for looting"
"I'm sorry mother", says the boy, now in tears.
"And so you should be, after all, it was your idea to bring us all to Cleveland"

sparticle 12-13-2004 08:20 PM

He should be glad the Astros didn't sign him.

madasacutsnake 12-13-2004 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by rmr
actual conversation

fool: kentucky's in wisconsin, right?

me: yes, it is.

Where the Hell do you work?

And if you're not getting paid to hear that, you need some new friends.

rmr 12-13-2004 10:20 PM

^^ it was the cashier at the place where i get my lunch everyday. I had a very hard time not laughing right then and there.

madasacutsnake 12-13-2004 10:25 PM

Their food must be good.

Tell her that even I know where Kentucky is.

Dimwutt.

Frieda 12-13-2004 10:27 PM

kentucky is where the fried chicken comes from!!

and i *heart* fried chicken!!!

rmr 12-13-2004 10:33 PM

^^ i thought she was joking -- i just sort of shook my head and wasn't sure what to say....i figured it would be easier for me to not try and explain why kentucky is in fact not in wisconsin.

:rolleyes:

madasacutsnake 12-13-2004 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by rmr
^^ i thought she was joking -- i just sort of shook my head and wasn't sure what to say....i figured it would be easier for me to not try and explain why kentucky is in fact not in wisconsin.

:rolleyes:

Because it's in, like, Kentucky?

You're so patient. I would have to buy a huge farking map, write "Kentucky HERE, Wisconsin HERE" in big red letters and present her with it in the middle of the lunch-time rush.

zero 12-13-2004 10:38 PM

hahaha!!

wisconsin's in massachusetts - nowhere near kentucky

dinzdale 12-13-2004 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by rmr
it was the cashier at the place where i get my lunch everyday
Rimmer, you go home for lunch and that is your mother.

rmr 12-13-2004 10:45 PM

oh my god the three of you just cracked me up.................and dinz so what if my mom is DUMB!!

madasacutsnake 12-13-2004 10:48 PM

^^

You're the one giving her money.

priceyfatprude 12-13-2004 10:59 PM

My most memorable roomie from Camp Wanaweewee sent me a Christmas card.


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