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-   -   Post something that made you laugh today. (http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin_new/showthread.php?t=4329)

Smartypants 06-06-2005 06:06 PM

Give It To Me Daddy!


This country really does need to establish some sort of morals code before the whole place goes to hell in a handbasket.


.

venusupnorth 06-06-2005 07:02 PM

Guess Who, LOL?!
 


Coffee 06-06-2005 09:44 PM

Ike Turner's
Guide to Restoring America's Honor.
BY KEN MCINTYRE

- - - -

OK, America, you done ****ed up again. Things got a little out of hand, and you went and blew up another country. Now you got everybody all mad at you, and you don't know what to do. Well, don't worry, America. Ike's been down this road before, and I know exactly how to handle it. You better listen to what I'm telling you, America. Ike knows what he's talking about, and Ike's willing to help you out as long as you do exactly what Ike says and stop being so stubborn. You dig?

Step 1

OK, first things first, America. Stop smacking the bitch. I know sometimes you get caught up in the heat of the moment and you don't know when you've gone too far. Sometimes you just get so mad sometimes. I know you tried to warn Iraq. You told Iraq to stop provoking you. But Iraq wouldn't listen. Iraq was being stubborn and ignorant, and you had to teach Iraq a lesson. Now Iraq's all beaten and bruised and bleeding everywhere, ****ing up the good carpet. It's time to chill the **** out, America. You don't wanna kill Iraq. You just wanna show Iraq how much you love it. It's just sometimes you go a little crazy is all.

Step 2

Give Iraq a Kleenex and tell it to clean itself up. Tell Iraq to hurry, you ain't got all day.

Step 3

Now comes the hard part. You've got to apologize to Iraq, America. Even if you don't really mean it, you've got to swallow your pride and say the words "I'm sorry, baby." Tell Iraq that sometimes America just gets so mad sometimes, and things get out of hand. America doesn't mean to hurt Iraq. America just wants to teach Iraq a lesson, because America loves Iraq so much, baby. America knows what's best for Iraq, and if Iraq would just listen and stop being so stubborn, it could be the best country in the world.

Step 4

Surprise Iraq with a little present. How about ... the gift of democracy! Get all your friends together and make a big celebration out of it. Offer Iraq a little tiny slice of democracy for the cameras. Wait a minute! What's that? Iraq doesn't want your democracy? Tell Iraq it better take a bite of democracy, dammit. C'mon, Iraq, don't disappoint America in front of all these people. C'mon, have some democracy, you low-down dirty ho!

If Iraq asks you to leave it alone, just raise your fist and tell it to stop being all uppity. If Iraq still fights back, well, you're gonna have to teach Iraq a lesson.

Step 5

OK, you did it again. Now you done put Iraq in the hospital. Maybe it's time to do some soul-searching and find out if maybe the problem isn't with you. Promise Iraq that you're gonna try and get some help with your oil addiction and that you'll be a better country from now on. Oil makes you do some crazy things sometimes. Things you tend to regret later. You're gonna have to cut that shit out for good. You dig?

Step 6

Hey, I never said you had to quit cold turkey. Guzzle that shit down and drive over to Iraq's house and start busting up the joint, for old times' sake.

Step 7

OK, by now Iraq's probably threatening to kill your ass if you don't leave it alone. I know it's tough, but at some point you're gonna have to learn how to let go. It's gonna bruise the shit out of your ego, and other countries are probably gonna look down on you for the next few decades, but it has to be done. It'll allow Iraq to blossom into its own beautiful country, and it'll give you a chance to focus on improving yourself for a change. You used to be really great, remember? Think of all the amazing things you've done in the past. You went a little nuts there for a few years, but it's never too late to get back on track. Eventually, the world will learn to respect you again. They'll follow your example and learn from your mistakes.

And if it makes you feel any better, one day Iraq will probably star in a really shitty Mel Gibson movie.

Peace,
Ike

JesusTitties 06-07-2005 08:06 AM


venusupnorth 06-07-2005 10:21 AM

Healing Your Inner Child
 
Healing Your Inner Child

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.


2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.

5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.

7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.

8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.

9. Joan of Arc heard voices, too.

10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.


12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.

14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.


15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.

17. I am at one with my duality.

18. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

20. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

21. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

22. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"

23. False hope is better than no hope at all.


24. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

25. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear in the Hollywood Cafe. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

26. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute. . . . I'll find someone.

27. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?


28. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

29. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

30. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.

31. To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.

32. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

33. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.

trisherina 06-07-2005 03:20 PM

From the Firefly episode Safe:

MAL: So, she's added cussing and hurling about of things to her repertoire. She really is a prodigy.

RIVER: The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.
MAL: See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like.

JAYNE (faux-reading Simon's journal): "Dear Diary, Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. Today we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."

NimbleMarmoset 06-07-2005 10:37 PM


sammygirl 06-10-2005 07:17 PM

I'm still laughing
 
hungry anyone?

venusupnorth 06-10-2005 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sammygirl

Americans are getting fat because of this junk food shit. Not even 1/3 of their nutritional needs are in fast food meals but over 2/3 of their calorie needs are???!!! If you're not getting the nutrients your body needs it keeps asking for more food even though it's got more than enough fat to burn for the next few weeks.
This pisses me off because the fastfood chains are popping up here in Iceland and it's starting to make some kids fat. When I was a kid we had like one fast food place in the whole country, now we have them around every street corner.
ARRRGGGGHHH!

JesusTitties 06-10-2005 07:56 PM


JesusTitties 06-10-2005 07:59 PM


lapietra 06-10-2005 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trisherina
From the Firefly episode Safe:

MAL: So, she's added cussing and hurling about of things to her repertoire. She really is a prodigy.

RIVER: The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.
MAL: See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like.

JAYNE (faux-reading Simon's journal): "Dear Diary, Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. Today we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."

How is it that I didn't like Firefly? I knew it was Joss Whedon, and yet I never gave it a chance... :o

trisherina 06-10-2005 10:33 PM

I'm sorry. I can't explain why anyone wouldn't like Firefly.

craig johnston 06-11-2005 10:35 AM

^^^^
could you explain how someone wouldn't know what it is?
or who jos whedon is?
:confused:


ps why do i seem to be using that smiley a lot these days?

pss why do i seem to be adding ps to all my posts?

psss sorry, a lot of questions

trisherina 06-11-2005 02:44 PM

Joss Whedon is the creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a network TV series that enjoyed a cult following less because of its premise (the adventures of a high school girl with some very unusual hobbies) than because of good production values and some decent characters/snappy dialogue.

Whedon also put his stamp on Firefly, a series that was released under dismal circumstances (in convoluted order, against events like the World Series, frequently pre-empted, and never shown in its entirety) that nonetheless developed a HUGE cult following among those longing for some science fiction more innovative than wearing a banana clip across your eyes and pretending to be able to see in the infrared. When the series released on DVD, it immediately became amazon.com's biggest seller, and this after-the-fact popularity allowed Whedon to make a feature-length movie with all the original characters and premises intact, due for release this fall: Serenity. A lot of the characters are very Heinleinesque, with beautiful women well able to take care of themselves and still tear it off three times a night with their partners.

More information can be found here.

craig johnston 06-11-2005 03:00 PM

thanks trish.

buffy is known here of course.

:)

venusupnorth 06-11-2005 10:52 PM



JesusTitties 06-11-2005 10:55 PM

poker

Avalon 06-12-2005 09:46 PM


xfox 06-13-2005 04:27 AM

Brynn's post (#31) in the "what number are you" thread.

NimbleMarmoset 06-13-2005 06:18 PM

Brynn's post #3193

rmr 06-13-2005 07:24 PM

who's that girl --


topcat 06-14-2005 03:04 AM

QUOTE=rmr]who's that girl --

[/quote]
.

joppa.gal 06-14-2005 03:47 AM

Great Ideas for Mail

I just might have to Monkey Mail the Toast. Watch out, people.

Hermione 06-14-2005 04:00 AM

haha

Quote:

Originally Posted by bealeblues
i've never had any problem with zero or perky pat.

but that dinzdale fvcker has to go.


priceyfatprude 06-14-2005 05:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by venusupnorth
Americans are getting fat because of this junk food shit. Not even 1/3 of their nutritional needs are in fast food meals but over 2/3 of their calorie needs are???!!! If you're not getting the nutrients your body needs it keeps asking for more food even though it's got more than enough fat to burn for the next few weeks.
This pisses me off because the fastfood chains are popping up here in Iceland and it's starting to make some kids fat. When I was a kid we had like one fast food place in the whole country, now we have them around every street corner.
ARRRGGGGHHH!

Ok, now post something that made you laugh today. :rolleyes:

X-Entertainment is one of my favorite sites ever. That dude'll eat anything.

sparticle 06-14-2005 05:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JesusTitties

^^^Now THAT's funny.

Smartypants 06-14-2005 02:45 PM

.

JesusTitties 06-14-2005 03:14 PM


joppa.gal 06-14-2005 03:39 PM



Psh. I KNOW where my dog was last night.

craig johnston 06-14-2005 07:16 PM

From Sidney J. Kramerhead III (Tampa Florida);

Hi guys! I've supported Manchester franchise for 3 months and I just heard how Chelsea won the Series, Liverpool the EuroZone and Arsenal the FA Trophy, hell I heard that even Westham won the Playoffs. If our franchise is so good why didn't we even win the Playoffs? I spoke to my friend Chuck whose been a Manchester fan for a year, so he knows, and he said that according to you guys, the Glazer family will ensure that Manchester can definitely go for the playoffs in a few short years! That's so exciting!

:D

joppa.gal 06-14-2005 08:50 PM

Not to be interpreted as making fun at all:

BealeBlues taking Ownership of the Pounding Domo due to his Avvie Seniority.

That is the most awesome thing I have ever seen on a board, and only Avid Posters would understand how awesome that is. Avid Posters in general, not specifically to this board.

I personally have treated this board often like Prince Charles has treated Camilla, teasing and neglecting and always coming back for more.

Maybe someday I will take up residence here for good.


rmr 06-14-2005 08:53 PM



this is still making me laugh

i just sent it to my friend and she told me "to get some new material" which is making me laugh even more

BWAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

priceyfatprude 06-15-2005 08:57 AM

Quote:

my doorbell just rang
I hope I didn't wake up the neighbors w/my laughing.

joppa.gal 06-15-2005 01:25 PM

RMR, where the heck are you getting that neverending Flow of God-Awful Poses? I'm googling "Drunk Chick", "Drunk Nasty", "Ugly Nasty", "Ugly Chick", and all I get is this:

DRUNK CHICK:

DRUNK NASTY:

UGLY NASTY:

UGLY CHICK:

Brynn 06-16-2005 06:39 AM

^^^this made me hurt myself :D

"sloppy drunk" doesn't work either:

trisherina 06-16-2005 06:48 AM

Miss Rat's hobbies listed on her Neopets lookup:

Art and Crafts, Comic Books, Engineering

venusupnorth 06-16-2005 07:13 PM


Nice She-man!
:D

Smartypants 06-16-2005 10:47 PM

I had my car smog tested yesterday at a service station in the Castro district (SF's main gay neighborhood) and I paid with my check card. Today my online banking shows the debit attributed to "SMOG QUEEN"

HAHAHA!

smellyrayzin 06-20-2005 06:00 AM

ok.... it's sad. but funny.

this video had me laughing to tears. LMAO


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