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Smartypants 07-15-2004 05:36 AM

The Association of Southern Schools is pursuing taxpayer dollars through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "y'allbonics," as language to be taught in all Southern schools. The following are excerpts from the Y'allbonics English dictionary:

HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi, Hire yew?"

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't heard from him in munts."

THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago." _

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

CHEER - (adverb) In this place. Usage: Just set that bare rat cheer.

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country."

DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."

ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas Oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ARE!"

BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?" _

HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n haze laf."

SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".

VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage: ain't never seed New York City... view?"

GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert

Audreyvgs 07-15-2004 03:27 PM

Y'all makin fun-o-me?

O. I forgot. I'm from Chicago. You must be makin fun of Beale.

Magpie 07-15-2004 04:06 PM

heh :D

Willow Sylph 07-15-2004 04:40 PM

After work yesterday I was venting to one of my friends about a
thorn-in-my-side co-worker. She came to my house a couple hours later with a handmade voodoo doll of my co-worker. I got a good laugh outta that :D

priceyfatprude 07-15-2004 10:47 PM


Originally posted by rmr
you say tomato and i say dirty sanchez :)

Avalon 07-16-2004 02:13 PM

a friend just called me; the school just called her.

Seems her 6 year old's class was having show and tell today. Her daughter chose to take a stuffed animal that her Aunt, my friend's sister, had given to her. When her teacher asked her who had given her such a fine gift, the 6 year old answered:
My Aunt Penis gave it to me! I guess the teacher asked her to please repeat the name and it was still her Aunt Penis. So, the teacher called my friend for clarification. Her sister, the aunt in question, is nick named Peanut.
Wish I coulda been there for the look on the teacher's face!!:p

sparticle 07-16-2004 02:36 PM

I was walking on the park trail today, and a woman's voice behind me said, "Passing to your left...on bikes...there's another behind me....he's slower because he's OLDER!"

A second or two later, after she had passed, came her very red-faced, visibly annoyed husband/partner. LOL

sparticle 07-16-2004 02:38 PM


Originally posted by Magpie
heh :D
Hey! No fair! I had dental work done since then! :D :D :D

fodder 07-16-2004 04:52 PM

sparticle 07-16-2004 05:22 PM

fodder 07-16-2004 05:29 PM

more like nod approvingly

nycwriters 07-18-2004 08:45 PM

This made me laugh initially, then it made me go "crap"....

nycwriters 07-18-2004 08:46 PM

sorry... that's huge! I have no means to resize it right at this moment. guh.

Smartypants 07-18-2004 09:37 PM

Oh man, Peg, that site has some great posters.

I really like the "This is not a pipe" version.


Interesting organization. Let us know if you see their handiwork around town...

nycwriters 07-18-2004 09:47 PM

Uh, I don't know if they'll be out come the end of August. Their spiel was about preventing it from coming here in the first place.

Smartypants 07-18-2004 09:52 PM

Well, um, I think they may be a tad disappointed!

Is that so? I got the impression that they just wanted to plaster the city to make the RNC feel less than welcome.

(I know, I know. Wrong thread for this digression! Sorry, all. NYC just piqued my interest! ;) )

smellyrayzin 07-18-2004 10:21 PM

eric idle (from monty python) made a song that i found funny yet disturbingly correct...
lyrics and sound clip here:
f*ck you all so very much

Audreyvgs 07-18-2004 10:49 PM

And here, for the resizically challenged,

Clytie 07-19-2004 03:54 PM

my friend was in a astronomy class and the teacher mentioned the world
being round and a lady (in her 40s) raised her hand and said "but thats
still a theory right?" to the complete SHOCK OF THE CLASS!!! it remained
her hang up for the rest of the class. she kept saying "wow this is a
new developement" " i cant believe its not a theory anymore"

Spicy Jack 07-19-2004 03:58 PM

ha...funny...we all know it is flat.


Clytie 07-19-2004 11:51 PM

apparently this was a shock to her...im sure she called her neighbors when she got home...

Audreyvgs 07-20-2004 03:17 PM

me trying to figure out how to forward my emails to my server(s) so I can get my email while I'm on the road, like i know where that's goanna be. I think I finally got it, but not after ranting on the YIM to my sis, who doesnt know anything about stuff like that.

nycwriters 07-21-2004 01:44 AM

I just bumped into my neighbor down the hall. When I first met her I was a little abrupt with her because I had been fighting with D over some booze thing or another. So I apologized and explained that I just lost 150lbs of dead weight and I was sorry if she thought me rude. Well it turns out she just dumped her bf too. She's hysterical, she gave me this hug that nearly took the breath out of me. We may go for drinks.

fodder 07-21-2004 01:52 AM

are braids stewpit

Clytie 07-21-2004 12:23 PM


Originally posted by nycwriters
I just bumped into my neighbor down the hall. When I first met her I was a little abrupt with her because I had been fighting with D over some booze thing or another. So I apologized and explained that I just lost 150lbs of dead weight and I was sorry if she thought me rude. Well it turns out she just dumped her bf too. She's hysterical, she gave me this hug that nearly took the breath out of me. We may go for drinks.
wonderful NYC!

Coffee 07-21-2004 06:43 PM

Klynne 07-21-2004 07:33 PM


Originally posted by Coffee


Audreyvgs 07-22-2004 12:52 AM

Good JUJU, nyc!

Stevie from Maine was over for Dinner tonite, he cooked and brought everything too! YAY anyway, after dinner we were talkin, and he was really impressed with some of the custom golf carts there are....He'd really like to do one, so he goes to a golf cart dealer. The dealer says , you're not going to believe this, but there are 63 golf courses in Naples, and only 1 of them allows custom golf carts. Every other golf course in town requires you buy a certain color, or you're not allowed on the course. (the one that allows em is considered to be the town armpit)

Naples, Home of the Condo Commando.

Audreyvgs 07-22-2004 04:23 PM


Originally posted by dinzdale

"Son, I raised you better'n to eat fvckin' bait"


Klynne 07-22-2004 06:44 PM


Clytie 07-23-2004 03:01 AM


soory NYC

Smartypants 07-23-2004 03:57 AM

LOL! Well at least it's truthful advertising!


Clytie 07-23-2004 05:34 PM

rmr 07-23-2004 06:03 PM

someone just told me that they have the ass of 6 men.............:p

nycwriters 07-23-2004 08:59 PM

Oh my GOD this made me laugh so hard!

funkytuba 07-23-2004 11:17 PM

Funny... esp when you think about the original

trisherina 07-26-2004 04:10 AM


Originally posted by Hyakujo's Fox
And who would've thought J. Jonah Jameson would turn out to be Spiderman's father!

Frieda 07-26-2004 03:51 PM

"hello, this is XXXX XXXXXXXX.. i am calling to tell you that my laptop is broken. i was carrying it in my hand and then the wires got caught on the doorknob, and i was pulled back all of a sudden and i fell through the door. now there's a hole in my office door and my head, and my laptop screen is broken. it's an ibm 390x, number 01083."

red 07-26-2004 04:20 PM


that was funny.

Before that made me laugh, the idea that beale would EVER go cold turkey on anything made me laugh.

Magpie 07-27-2004 01:53 PM

Yo, BetaVision's in da house!

"The most exciting thing to happen to TV watchers since
(1978 Sears catalog)

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