glurge: noun (glurj)
1. in ordinary language, glurge is the sending of inspirational (and supposedly "true") tales, ones that often conceal much darker meanings than the uplifting moral lessons they purport to offer or undermine their messages by fabricating and distorting historical fact in the guise of offering a "true story."
2. glurge is best described as the cloyingly sentimental stories, testimonials and object lessons frequently sent as email or chain letters.
compose your own glurge here.
in 1994 a professor of ethics and public policy at harvard university held an open lecture on the place of god in the american diet. his assertion was that god lives in the heavens and therefore has no place on our plates. many of the moral-minded students were disturbed by his assertion that we shouldn't eat god and spoke up to challenge his ideas. the professor simply scoffed and said, "if god is in my food, i invite him to poison me at dinner tonight."
later that evening the professor enjoyed a quiet meal at a local bistro with his unwed wiccan lover. they laughed and chatted about the afternoon's lecture and enjoyed more than one alcoholic beverage. back in the kitchen a harried and pious chef labored to prepare meals for a full house of customers. he prayed to god for guidance as he assembled the professor's order, shaving shredded manchego cheese over an open faced sandwich. he reached for his bottle of sherry vinagrette but instead his hand was mysteriously guided to a similarly-shaped bottle of rat poison.
he raised his hand above the sandwich and began to squeeze. just then a busboy noticed the error and seized the chef's hand, averting disaster. the waiter came and delivered the sandwich to the professor, who, upon taking his first bite bite, immediately choked on a cherry tomato and died.
if you don't forward this message to 50,000 know-it-all liberal college professors by 2:30 today god will make you choke on a cherry tomato.
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