You're ALL early.

Ah, you have a Yeti costume for this year's carnival :D


As for my lateness: I was blinded by the sunlight.

Because I was mugged and lost both my cell phone and wallet and had to walk 6 miles to get here. I walked as fast as I could, but one of my legs is 3 inches shorter than the other from a birth defect and the other leg has shrapnel in it from a war injury. My asthma and heart condition may have slowed me down a little as well. How was your trip?

Because only the chumps, noobs, and the very desperate arive early.

there was a leopard's tail stuck in my teeth

it's how I roll

I was coming so fast to get here relativistic effects kicked in and time didn't pass as quickly for me as it did for you leading to my later arrival as measured in your reference frame.

I dropped the Pro Audio Reference on my toe and broke it

a group of iranian refugees persuaded me into playing this endless match of backgammon

I was accosted by a giant squid that tried to sell its slightly used virginity but I had no cash on me and there was a suspiciously long queue at the cash machine.

I'm tremendously late today, for I kept thinking and thinking and thinking.... about a respectable, but slightly outré excuse of my lateness which contains something about fish maybe or some other aquatic creatures.... but I failed so far. Later then, maybe....

I had occasion to use my slightly more used virginity, and Nothing takes precedence over that!

Somebody'd been sleeping in my bed! After a long, arduous investigation I had to conclude it'd been me.

my right nipple got stuck in the revolving doors of the IKEA in Dubai

somebody filled my gas tank with peppercorns

I was getting the band back together.

I'm sorry, but I must have strayed into another time zone.

Somebody put poisonous centipedes in all of my shoes and boots and it was too cold to go out in sandals.

too much traffic on abbey rd

I fell into the probably largest lemon caipi (limes had run out, but they still had lime juice, bless be!) ever to be and the drinking straws were unfit to pull myself out (proper caipi drinking straws had run out and the improvised cut off common straws were too short and too feeble for my big ass). But I met an interesting yellow-green striped manta at the bottom of the glass and he explained me all I need to know about climbing out of lemon caipis with unfit straws, of what dark matter is all about, what the universe is really made of (you would never guess!), the genders of things, and a lot more.... considering that I'm almost too early. Is there a too early thread?

the cat ate my alarm clock

The universe is cyclical, thus I am again many trillions of years early for the next time this event occurs.

I got abducted by aliens and had to perform erm... tongue twisters, because they wanted to study nuisances in human languages, as a result of that I've twisted my tongue and dislocated my jaw and had to go to the hospital for treatment.

I was mermerized an endless loop of "Monkey Washes a Cat"

Because i wasn't invited :mad: and it took a long time to sneak past the security.

I was confused about which time zone is the reference point for lateness. As I HAT to be disrespectful in coming way too early, I waited a while -- well 6 1/2 whiles to be more precise. I counted snowflakes.

someone replaced my cellphone battery with a cadbury's creme egg

because ::
there are no subscribed threads to display in this folder for this time period.

Time may be relative, but there's no accounting for the in-laws.

I was eating an orange and my hands got all sticky and they accidentally got stuck to the table and I had to wait until my friends came to release me.

I was busy washing my hair.

I stopped to shop for a new wardrobe. At least I am fashionably late.

'Late' is 'on time' in newspeak, so it's all right to be late.

Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?
- Chicago

What do you mean, 'late'? Why are you so over-eagerly early?