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-   -   ★ our subtle torments in hell ★ (http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin_new/showthread.php?t=15061)

zero 04-21-2008 11:03 AM

★ our subtle torments in hell ★
in hell, our sock elasticity is eternally untaut. every 30 paces we are compelled to take our shoes off to resolve the aggressively bunched mess under our feet.

lukkucairi 04-21-2008 11:41 AM

in hell, our eyelashes are constantly falling out and dropping into our eyes.

Frieda 04-21-2008 12:00 PM

in hell, we set our hair on fire and scorch our fingernails every single time we're cooking. and just as it grows back, it happens again.

Marcus Bales 04-21-2008 12:07 PM

In hell we're frying bacon naked.

YsaPur EsChomuw 04-21-2008 12:22 PM

In hell there's constant gnashing of teeth because various pieces of food (e.g. from fried bacon rind) get stuck between them and refuse to come unstuck. People gnash their theeth until they are all worn down and hurt. Oh, and there's no dentist to fix them. (Busy doing some fixing in heaven)

Marcus Bales 04-21-2008 01:54 PM

In hell every negotiated and final contract must be submitted to Legal for approval.

zero 04-21-2008 02:10 PM

daily, we are taken to play with puppies and kittens. but they are ugly and lethargic ones, and have coarse fur and surly dispositions.

Coffee 04-21-2008 02:11 PM

In hell public servants are elected based on their character and looks, rather than their knowledge of refrigeration.

Stephi_B 04-21-2008 02:19 PM

In hell tea water never gets hot enough due to a strange thermodynamical phenomenon.

l'azizza 04-21-2008 04:57 PM

In hell, the only toilet paper that's ever available is the very last square on the roll.

brightpearl 04-21-2008 07:16 PM

In hell, our only mental muzak is the soundtrack from "Baby Einstein: Baby's First Moves."

brightpearl 04-21-2008 07:17 PM

...and all the toothpaste is labeled "fresh green tea vanilla flavor!" but it really tastes vaguely of carboard airfreshener and chalk.

trisherina 04-22-2008 12:13 AM

In Hell, all you get to read is poetry written by angsty 14 year olds with poor spelling.

brightpearl 04-22-2008 03:13 AM

All the bananas in hell are just slightly overripe, and every bowl of cereal has precisely one bit that looks as though it could be a piece of insect wing. We're never sure.

Anna 04-22-2008 04:18 AM

in hell, you’re not allowed to save or back up

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