I've got such a terrible cold
When I sneeze I entirely fold
Then need to readjust

I've got such a terrible cold
When I sneeze I entirely fold
Then need to readjust
My bra on my bust

I've got such a terrible cold
When I sneeze I entirely fold
Then need to readjust
My bra on my bust
Before they get covered in mould

there once was a sunning young runt

there once was a sunning young runt
Who held up a mirror in front

there once was a sunning young runt
Who held up a mirror in front
to see a reflection

there once was a sunning young runt
Who held up a mirror in front
to see a reflection
perceived as perfection

there once was a sunning young runt
Who held up a mirror in front
to see a reflection
perceived as perfection
But saw only instead a fairly average face and body.

To the mirror she said, "I'm in luck!"

To the mirror she said, "I'm in luck!"
I've a coupon for a nip and tuck

To the mirror she said, "I'm in luck!
I've a coupon for a nip and tuck."
So she did up her hair
But before she got there

To the mirror she said, "I'm in luck!
I've a coupon for a nip and tuck."
So she did up her hair
But before she got there
She ran over herself with a truck.

It looked like it needed surgery

It looked like it needed surgery
In the background the music was dirgery

It looked like it needed surgery
In the background the music was dirgery
Trust Marcus to find a rhyme

It looked like it needed surgery
In the background the music was dirgery
Trust Marcus to find a rhyme
And to do it in time

It looked like it needed surgery
In the background the music was dirgery
Trust Marcus to find a rhyme
And to do it in time
Though "dirgery" sounds like a firgery

I spent all my money on roses

I spent all my money on Roses
Sweet Lime Juice and rum, which disposes

I spent all my money on Roses
Sweet Lime Juice and rum, which disposes
Of worries apace

I spent all my money on Roses
Sweet Lime Juice and rum, which disposes
Of worries apace
but soon I shall face

I spent all my money on Roses
Sweet Lime Juice and rum, which disposes
Of worries apace
but soon I shall face
The Trinity, followed by Moses.

I bought her the perfect limousine

I bought her the perfect limousine
She said, "I'm really not fond of green"

I bought her the perfect limousine
She said, "I'm really not fond of green --
And I don't suppose
You've got one perfect rose

I bought her the perfect limousine
She said, "I'm really not fond of green --
And I don't suppose
You've got one perfect rose --
No, it's never my luck it would seem"

I smell the approaching of spring

I smell the approaching of spring
I wonder just what it might bring

I smell the approaching of spring
I wonder just what it might bring
limousines and roses
tulips and garden hoses

I smell the approaching of spring
I wonder just what it might bring
limousines and roses
tulips and garden hoses ...
are all of us thinking one thing?

Let's do it like bunnies, she said

Let's do it like bunnies, she said
They set to it like minks instead

Let's do it like bunnies, she said
They set to it like minks instead
Then went at it like otters

Let's do it like bunnies, she said
They set to it like minks instead
Then went at it like otters
Red as communist plotters

Let's do it like bunnies, she said
They set to it like minks instead
Then went at it like otters
Red as communist plotters
Then she ate him because he was dead

So Martha is now out of jail

So Martha is now out of jail
and not with a file nor a nail

So Martha is now out of jail
and not with a file nor a nail
oh, isn't it funny
a whole lot of money

So Martha is now out of jail
and not with a file nor a nail
oh, isn't it funny
a whole lot of money
Can help you continue to fail.

She said she was more than eighteen