I can't stop laughing at this.

:D :D

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

^^^ :D

That made me laugh today :D

where is 0?!

sorting himself out having his ****ing tea and chips i'm sure..

:mad: i was in the cludgie feeling peely-waly

naw ye urny

och nae :(

there there nevermind zomrix22 - it's getting on for teatime

"In a Napoli-Salernitana local derby in 1945, a referee named Stampacchia lost control of the match and faced a pitch invasion from a large and hostile crowd, At this, Signore Stampacchia wisely pretended to have been shot. A large and concerned crowd gathered around the fallen official's tragically supine form - at which point, tempers having cooled nicely, Stampacchia got back up and continued the game."

:)

The fact that my ex-girlfriend now has a girlfriend.
Yes, a girlfriend.
That's how much life sucks without me. :)

It depends. Does she let you watch?

Always, can't help myself. One of my (ex) boyfriends collected their movies. And sometimes I had to stop the video because he couldn't get his breath and fell from his chair. I really love them :)

my colleague Janine ranting:

"we have to report a Security Incident whenever we see someone use a wireless mouse or keyboard. i bet the Security Officer will be delighted.. "last night, around 3.50 am when i was doing my round, i caught a glimpse of a wireless mouse just disappearing behind the coffee machine...""

http://www.eatabagofdicks.com

Yes, that made me laugh.

I like these guys.

http://www.oldeenglish.org/podcast/dont-you-wish

an old person.

i'm going to hell

Heh. You and me babe. Toasting marshamllows over the inferno.

It's name is Frank Sinatra
 

iCat
 

Bubba and the Pope
 

Bubba, an airline mechanic, was bragging to his boss one day, "you know I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss calls his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says. "President Bush", his boss quickly retorts.

"Yep", Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington" and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up. "

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The new Pope", his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward St. Peter's. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss's side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"

MERLIN!!! Stop blowing your little eardrums out with that dad-blasted rap music!!!!

A beautiful, well endowed, young lady goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: ''SEX FROGS! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).''

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, ''I'll take one.'' The man packages the frog and says,, ''just follow the instructions carefully.'' The girl nods,, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she takes out the instructions and reads them carefully. She does exactly what is specified:

1.- Take a shower.
2.- Splash on some nice perfume.
3.- Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4.- Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you.
5.- Allow the frog to follow its training.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says: ''If you have problems or questions, call the pet store.''

The lady calls the pet store. The man says, ''I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over.'' Within minutes, the man rings her doorbell. The lady welcomes him in and says, "I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there.''

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says, ''LISTEN TO ME! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!''

thrillseeker
 

^^^ lololol
so simple, yet it made me crack up..


*easily amused*

Aw... (added to a certain rat's favourites)

remembering our friend angela on saturday night.
to a total stranger:

'it's raining, you have a hat, i don't'

:D

i have the power
 

www.penny-arcade.com

LMAO that made me laugh because i was cleaning my hardrive the other day and found the he-man theme song in my mp3 file LMAO