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dinzdale 11-08-2004 08:12 PM

Star Trekkin'
 
Star Date 14.7.35.6

Mr Spock suggested the word of the day as Jugs, which seemed a little out of character.


Capt. James T Kirk: Spock? You want the word of the day to be "Jugs".

1st Officer Spock: Yes Captain (raised eyebrow)

K: Isnt that "illogical" Mr Spock?

S: Certainly not, Captain. It's the start of the Vulcan Month of reproduction where anything can happen, especailly sexually, and I dont have much time to consider the consequences. In fact I'm getting a bit of a stiffy right now.

K: Bones? What do you know of Vulcan mating season?

Mediacl Officer McCoy: It's not fully documented Jim, but I think we have to get him to a space brothel right away. He could blow his custard at any time.

K: Is that bad Bones...I mean everyone has a polish now and agai..

McC: Jim! If he pops his load the Enterprise will be completely sprayed with Vulcan jizz!

K: OK, Mr Sulu set course for Rigel 69. Bones help me get Spock down to sick bay.

McC: Someone'll have to distract him Jim, I'm not getting near his alien whanger when it's like that (points at tent in Spocks uniform)

K: Uhura, pop your baps in his face while I get Scotty to help us get him beamed off somewhere.

Lt Uhura: Captain, you want me to expose my brown puppies in his face?

K: That's it, get the funbags out Uhura.

U: Okay......ziiiiiiiip ...*thump, thump*

McC: WOW!!!

K: I agree Bones, but we havent got time...Uhura, get your knockers round his pointy ears, quick.

1st Engineer Scott: Wha's goan on heer the noo Captain? Nice rack Uhura...

McC : Scotty, we have to get Spock to a safe area, before he blows his space load...

K: He's under the spell of Uhura's jubblies, get him to the transporter room...

S: He's not wantin tae go Captain, I dinna know if I can hold him, I think he's gonna blow....

TO BE CONTINUED...

daverbee 11-11-2004 08:18 PM

Kirk: No, Scotty. I've known Spock a long time and he doesn't swing that way. He is in danger of exploding, though, so get him down to the Transporter Room ASAP!

Scott: Aye, Captain! Doo ya think yae could help me reach tha buttons on tha elevator?

Kirk: Mr. Sulu, accompany Scott to the Transporter Room! And push those buttons!

Sulu: Right away, Captain! I think you should be made aware, Captain, that Mr. Spock has now swollen to a size much too large to fit into the elevator.

Kirk: Scotty, can we beam him directly into a safe place from the Bridge?

Scott: I canna answer that, Captain, he's swollen so big I canna get aroond him!

Kirk: Red Alert! All hands prepare for catastrophic internal explosion.

(to be continued)

Coffee 11-11-2004 10:15 PM

Kirk: Scotty, I want a level one ccontainment field around Spock now.

Mr. Scott: I canna do it in less then an 'ouoor cap'n.

Kirk: I said NOW Scotty.

Mr. Scot: Aye cap'n, I canna get to enginering, but Iya'll see what I canna dooo from the engineering station here on the bridge.

Kirk: Divert energy from engines and weapons to Sturctural Integrity.

Ensign Rand: Ay ay Captain.

Kirk: On second thought, Rand, I want your uniform top off and get your jugs over there and help Uhuru distract Spock.

Rand: Yes Captain, any thing for you sir, Anything *wink*...*Zipppp*.

Kirk: Sulu, you divert energy to structural integrity...and divert energy from life support as well.

Sulu: Life support Captain?!

Kirk: If the ship blows apart life support will be the least of our troubles....divert energy from your damn watch batteries if you have to.

Sulu: Can't I help Ensign Rand take off her...err...nevermind. Diverting energy Captain.

Mr. Checkov: (in an aside to Sulu) Do you thvink ve're goona mek it out oov this fix Sulu?

Sulu: The Captain has gotten us out of tighter spots than this Pavel...don't worry....we'll make it. *Sulu works on energy panel instinctively while checking out Rand's jugs*

Kirk: I said divert energy, not your attention Mr. Sulu.

Sulu: Ay ay captain, mumble mumble he's certainly checking out Rand's mumble mumble.

Checkov: heh heh heh. (in an aside to Sulu) Rand does haas nice hootervs.

Dr. McCoy: My God Jim, Spock's green blooded Vulcan torpedo has swelled to fill the whole damn corridor. Scotty, Uhuru, Rand and I are trapped...And might I say, Helloooo Ensign Rand, so nice to See your jugs...How would you like to play "country doctor"...you look like you could use a check up my de....

*SLAAAAAP*

Scotty: I canna get to the engineering station to wurk on that coontainmen feel' Cap'n.

Kirk: OMG, what are we going to do??? Someone save us. Ayiiieeeeee.

Sulu: Uh oh Pavel, hold your breath, this could get ugly.

Chekov: I doon't vant to die!!! Not dis vay!!!

Mr Spock: Unnnh...Unnnnnhhh...UNNNNNNHHHH....

(to be continued)

daverbee 11-12-2004 12:14 PM

*SPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
Spock to Ensign Rand: Was it good for you, too?


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