in hell every single day the contractions start at 1:45am at 20 min apart, get closer and closer together until they're 5 min apart at 6am, then they stop completely and you have to go to work

In hell you always have four i's, two u's and an e.

In hell your opponent is always claiming to have four i's, two u's and an e.

In hell your opponent is always claiming that you're always claiming that you have four i's, two u's, and an e.

in hell, you're always 3/4 of the way through it.

In hell you're always 3/4 of the way through it, but through 90% of the budget.

In hell, all dvd's are irreparably scratched right at 6:66 (movies at 66:66 -- right when they're getting good)

In hell someone else is always sorting the young woman's boxes.

in hell, you dream about malevolently sentient black goo every night.

In hell work boots are not made in narrow widths, and your two pairs of socks constantly bunch up painfully around your toes when walking along sloping ground...the only kind of ground where you wear work boots.

In hell your ride calls you ever 5 minutes to tell you of another improbable accident that is keeping her from picking you up.

in hell, you've lost your xanax bottle.

in hell, all projects go live before the scope has been finalized.

In hell, an immediately-effective snap total two-month panicked-executive-driven arse-covering moratorium on new releases gets announced two days before your planned release, after about a month of gutbusting by all involved to meet the deadline.

In hell, just after an immediately-effective snap total two-month panicked-executive-driven arse-covering moratorium on new releases gets announced two days before your planned release, after about a month of gutbusting by all involved to meet the deadline, a follow-up announcement forbids any testing or de-bugging of releases waiting in the pipeline.

In hell, 2 weeks after a follow-up announcement forbids any testing or de-bugging of releases waiting in the pipeline, which was announced just after an immediately-effective snap total two-month panicked-executive-driven arse-covering moratorium on new releases announced two days before your planned release, after about a month of gutbusting by all involved to meet the deadline, your competitors release an identical product which becomes an immediate snap instant market success, bigger than the Pet Rock, or the iPhone, and your management team rushes to cover their asses by sacking your development team for missing your deadline.

in hell, you always have to go and wait until there are a zillion entries to judge before you'll get around to dealing with the dictionary game.

In hell, when you're trying to submit your last 50 Dictionary Game entries so the judge has more work to do, the board won't post your entries.

In Hell nothing lasts longer than 2 years because Hell outsourced all manufacturing to China Hell

In Hell you're not allowed to go home early even if there are no customers in all the vast reaches of devil-spawn, and you're top man in both volume of torturings and scream duration.

in hell, your stomach is always upset.

In hell, people "friend" you on facebook not to interact with you in a friendly fashion so much as to gather damning evidence with which to mock you.

In hell people say 'hey, nice tie', but they don't really mean it.

In hell, you are expected to attend a baby shower every other night or so.

In hell you must sing the praises of God Almighty, accompanied by harp music, forever.

in hell, you never have the right size shrink tubing.

Oh, but you, you will have to sing the praises of free verse, forever. In free verse, naturally.

Hah! and you -- you will learn a new language every day, but it'll never be the one they're using that day.

In hell, when you look in the mirror in the morning a life-size chicken taxidermy looks back at what you thought was you...


Also, the morning paper contains nothing but tantalising excerpts from Mo's Posts.

In hell, taxidermy chickens walk, cluck, and can hold a grudge indefinitely.

and constitute the majority of the elected representatives.

and all the poets.

^^^^ in hell, no rituals were ever performed

In hell the prettier someone is on the outside, the uglier and meaner they are on the inside.

In hell every post is by someone whose opinion you don't care about.

In hell nothing is ever rounded up.

In Hell after Hank Williams, Jr is fired from Monday Night Football he writes a song about it.

In hell there are no paid vacations.

In hell your lover has always just left you without explanation

in hell, the neuroses of the parents are bothly visited upon the children