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-   -   Letters that get me through the day. (http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin_new/showthread.php?t=554)

beckstra 12-01-2002 11:25 PM

Letters that get me through the day.
Okay, this is where we write letters to whatever/whomever we feel like. I'll go first so you can do by example. Feel free to be as cheesy or shallow as you like.

Dearest daddy,
Next time we get pizza from Papa Murphy's, please don't burn it. You ruined my pineapple pizza. I almost cried. Okay, not really, but you get how terribly sad that made me. Love ya.

David Gray,
Meet me on the other side.
A Stranger.

Albertson's Cashier Boy,
I think I just stepped in a puddle of love and got you all over me.

Dear laundry,
Do yourself.

You write good. I'm glad you write good with me.

Dear My Job,
Please, either give me more hours, health insurance, and better pay, or fire me so I can collect unemployment. Yousuckdotcom!

*tag* you're it!

masterofNone 12-01-2002 11:49 PM

Dear Lord,
Please help the Redskins get to the playoffs. Cause, at this point, only you can make it happen.
And, if you have the time, please arrange it so that Gwen Stefani should fall madly in love with me.


zenbabe 12-01-2002 11:57 PM

I went to the game today, what a great game!!! Chargers won off a field goal in overtime, I really hope that they make it to the super bowl, especially since the super bowl will be in Diego baby!!!!!!

masterofNone 12-02-2002 12:06 AM

Dear Clients,
Early payment of invoices in the month of December will make you eligable to win auto fellatio lesson from a 'ze monkey of your choice.

Dear Creditors
In a new tradition of good cheer, for the month of December, all of your employees can have the month off.

Dear Lord,
On that Gwen Stefani thing, Renee Zelwigger would be okay too...


AllegroNg 12-02-2002 12:09 AM

Dearest Jeff Corwin,
Will you marry me? Please? I'm nice! And I want you for Christmas!

masterofNone 12-02-2002 12:22 AM

Dear Lord,
On that Gwen Stefani, or Renee Zelwigger thing, forget them and make it JLo... word is she's got plenty of crack and you know how much I like the rock babeee


amanda 12-02-2002 12:34 AM

You would think being a magic mushroom and all you'd have enough of it winding through your system....

Dear sanity clause,
Money to pay off the bandits. Multiple plane tickets to see friends and family. A nice guy who treats me decently, has a brain and likes to cook. And no auto fellatio sessions with any of mushroom's clients.


zenbabe 12-02-2002 12:54 AM

Dear Santa,

I hate you, lose my number.

your bitch

amanda 12-02-2002 01:05 AM

Yes Virgina, there is a sanity clause. Just sign on the bottom line...
hahahaa!! It's a great thing- seeing an image of Shirely Temple next to that post....

zenbabe 12-02-2002 01:15 AM

Bless you hun!

beckstra 12-02-2002 01:22 AM

Santa baby,
The impossible. I want the impossible this Christmas.

zenbabe 12-02-2002 01:55 AM

I have one, he just moved in yesterday...YIKES! *slurp*

AllegroNg 12-02-2002 10:16 AM

Eye candy, yay! Is he gay? (prrrrrobably)

bealeblues 12-02-2002 10:58 AM

Dear Tennessee,

please send your mountains and scenery to Louisiana so I have something other than my alcohol bottles to look at

and while you're at it, after you send the mountains and scenery, feel free to implode (but let neko get out first)

-good ol' rockytop

Deviate 12-02-2002 12:20 PM

To my new assistant:

yes, i'm sick. duh.

my trip was fine, stop asking me.

yes, i got a haircut. i lied when i said 'no' to shut you up.

i know my shirt kicks ass, stop telling me how good i look, you creep me out.

thanks for the shot glass, you very nice, naive, freaky crack-whore.

please don't cry when i fire you this week.


zenbabe 12-02-2002 02:30 PM

Dear Sunday,

Please come back, I love you, I miss you. I will be nice this time!

Deviate 12-02-2002 03:30 PM

Dear Assistant:

the word is "DEFAULT", not "DOWNFAULT".

the word is "ARSENAL", not "ARSENIC" and definitely not "ARSENEO".


zenbabe 12-02-2002 03:32 PM

Dear Dev,

How in God's name, did this person get a job to begin with?

Deviate 12-02-2002 03:37 PM

Dear ZB:

due to lack of time i was unable to review all 75 applicants thoroughly. of the 6 people with interviews only 3 showed up, one was not an option and we flipped a coin for the other two. it came up 8/10 for this chick.

and she lied on her resume.


Dear Coin:

you lied. i am through using you to make decisions for me. go to hell.


Dear Magic 8 Ball:

you may have your old job back. i'm sorry i ignored you.


Deviate 12-02-2002 06:15 PM

hell yeah. i'm too much of a softy when it comes down to stuff like that. in the heat of the moment i could fire my own mother. in sits like these where it's just this little crap day in and out then i feel like a bully.

grr. i don't know, is it too much to ask that a person saying they have computer experience knows how to drag and drop?

maybe it's just me.


bealeblues 12-02-2002 06:35 PM

Dear Judge,

yes, i am argumentative

yes, i can be fairly difficult when i want to be

no, i will not settle a case just b/c you want to clear your docket for some winter golf and chivas regal

yes, you will see me at trial and i know that you will get even with me, but you know what, i don't care

love and kisses, me

zenbabe 12-02-2002 08:23 PM

Dear soon to be ex roomate,

Is there a reason that you took all the spices with you? Do you really think that you were the only person that bought any spices in the last 3 years? Do you believe that since your idea of a good meal consists of canned meat and tortillas and my idea of one is seafood alfredo with dill and lemon sauce with roasted red peppers, crab, salmon and white wine. Drat!


masterofNone 12-02-2002 08:41 PM

mmmmseafood alfredo with mmmmmdill and mmmmmlemon sauce with mmmmmroasted red peppers, (SSSSLOBBBER)crab, mmmmsalmon and white winemmmm

zenbabe 12-02-2002 09:11 PM

well, not anymore...not until I restock my spice cabinet :mad:

amanda 12-03-2002 02:16 AM

Dear Life,

Don't turn me into one of those women who explain away their anger as "Life's a bitch, so I became one."



And by the way, you aren't- even when you feel like it.

saskuoch 12-03-2002 07:57 AM

Dear Hong Kong people-

Less is more when it comes to fashion. You should not wear a bright flower print bandana on your head when you're in a suit. You should not buy expensive brown cropped pants and cream sweaters and then wear them with ancient birkenstocks and extra large black socks. Please stop adding that last little touch (too much) so that I can ride the subway without cringing. I keep getting haircuts for the head massage. It's getting expensive and my hair is getting very short. Thanks

The disturbed looking girl on the subway.

Dear girls on my floor-

Tuna fish hot pot is not ok. Stop it. Stop it now.

Love, the one with the plugged nose.

Deviate 12-03-2002 12:26 PM

Dear Assistant:

thank you so much for telling me you think i look like i feel like crap. being sick is such a pleasure on its own, but hearing from you that my eyes look glossy every two minutes is a joy.


bealeblues 12-03-2002 12:40 PM

Dear DV8's Assistant:

Take your shots while you can. I have it on good and reliable sources that you will be sh*t canned by the end of the week. Ciao.

dinzdale 12-03-2002 01:12 PM

Just got the mail today..lets see........mmmmmm

"Dear Mr Dinzdale,
thank you for your patronage of our Topless Car Wash, however, rolling through the forecourt, strapped to the roof of your vehicle in a Union Jack thong is bringing the Neighbourhood Watch progam to view our enterprise as a nuisance. Please desist or you will hear from our lawyers.
Thank you
The staff at Bernies Buff-o-Rama"

Oh well, another avenue of fun spoiled...........

Zyle 12-08-2002 08:34 PM

Dearest tort law tutor,

No I did NOT read the entire judgment, I only read the summary. No reading it all does NOT help to clarify matters, it only makes it worse. No it most certainly is NOT interesting and NO I DON'T CARE! Yes I DO know the point of law by only reading the summary... (plus prof told us it in the lecture and it's in any tort textbook you could ever find. NYER!) no medical negligence is NOT INTERESTING!

One overwhelmed student, thoroughly in need of xmas holidays.

Arif-ul Haq 12-08-2002 09:50 PM


Zyle 12-08-2002 10:07 PM

Dear Arif,

Good luck!!!

- Zyle

Dear Arif's Brain,

Do yourself a favour and do as he says. Maybe he'll stay away from the coffee if you just listen to him...

- Zyle

bealeblues 12-08-2002 10:19 PM

dear zyle and arif,

i feel your pain as i have been in the midst of law finals and the sleep deprivation/immense anxiety,etc that goes along with it.... just remember, it isn't that the material is overly daunting, it is the mental aspect of endurance that is the tricky part..... best of luck and i'm sure you both will do just fine

Zyle 12-08-2002 10:22 PM

Dear Beale,

My finals aren't for another 3 years yet but I think this is probably good advice for the whole course :)
Thankies! :p

Love Zyle

Dear me,

Stop using so many smilies...
and "..." 's

- Z

Arif-ul Haq 12-08-2002 10:55 PM


Zyle 12-08-2002 10:59 PM

Dear Arif,

Beale is already a real live lawyer *gasp!*

- Zyle

Dear Arif's Brain

no problemo ;)

- Z

Dear other law people

so, finals are at the end of FIRST year? We don't call them finals till.. well.. the end of the course :p

- Z

Dear Me

Go to bed. Now.

- Z

beckstra 12-08-2002 11:01 PM

Dear tummy,
I know that was too much. If you could help me out by rejecting it all, I'd greatly appreciate it. If not, I promise not to eat at all tomorrow as the mere sight of food sickens me. Darn the holidays, darn them all!!!

Dear my friend Chad,
I like you. Like *that.* Now you reciprocate. Thanks.

Dear Jesus,
My tummy hurts. Please make it stop. Thank you.

Dear Oakview Mall,
I do not want to work Christmas season hours. Yousuckdotcom!
Rebecca L. (LB)

Dear Panera Bread,
If my tummy didn't feel so bad, I'd be up for cinnamon hot chocolate. Sadly, I feel like crap, so no go. :(

masterofNone 12-08-2002 11:16 PM

Dear Zyle's internal editor,
They're called ellipses.

Dear beckstraordinary,
fantastic, simply fantastic.
MoN's literary sense

Dear ZeMonkey Nation,
I've started to count your thoughts, opinions and sillyness as important to the ongoing goofyness that is my daily existance.

masterofNone 12-08-2002 11:39 PM


oh yeah...

Dear Washington Redskins,
I'll be watching the Packers for the next several years. Call me when you don't suck anymore. It's been 10 years, I'm tired, and damn that Brett Favre can throw a football.

bealeblues 12-09-2002 09:34 AM

Dear Sugar Bowl,

We're coming, and there's nothing you can do to stop us. Oh by the way, thanks for having a lower payout than the Orange Bowl, so now we get stuck with FSU rather than USC. Oh well, we probably won't be sober enough to notice, and they do have similar colors.... See you soon.

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