||06-21-2005 09:46 AM
To: Brian Harper, Office of Assistant Director of Human Resources
From: Tom Atkinson, Personnel Manager- Office C Heaven
CC: God, Executive Director/Company Founder
Re: Christ, Jesus H. Centennial Performance Review
As per your request, I have compiled all on-the-job citation notices for Jesus Christ, employee #012351, in preparation for his centennial performance review.
In a personal note, I feel compelled to say that despite having a lot of obvious natural talent for the job, Jesus is pretty clearly working to only a fraction of his potential. On more than one occasion, I have strolled past his cubicle only to see him, head down on his desk, fast asleep and drooling on the latest Hustler. Or worse yet, he is frequently not even present at all, having either arrived late, left early, or on yet another cigarette break. And while his easygoing demeanor once made him a well-liked employee, many of his coworkers have begun complaining about his irresponsibility affecting their workloads. I believe that these numerous citations [highest number in office C!] will bear these complaints out in your eyes as well, and best present a fair and accurate description of Jesusí work for this major employee evaluation.
I hope these documents will be sufficient to begin your performance evaluation, and if there is anything else I or my office, can do, donít hesitate to ask.
Personnel Manager- Office C Heaven