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-   -   Post something that made you laugh today. (http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin_new/showthread.php?t=4329)

auntie aubrey 07-16-2007 04:34 PM

^^ i very much enjoyed those book covers.

priceyfatprude 07-16-2007 08:55 PM


brightpearl 07-17-2007 07:14 PM

^Classy. (eta:just to be clear to anyone who hasn't followed the link, I meant the guy in the story, not PFP's post! :D )

This made me laugh.

Marcus Bales 07-17-2007 08:41 PM


Avalon 07-17-2007 08:55 PM

Watching AngelBN post her daily dose of spam

During a shit storm about spam

Watching that spam be deleted during the shit storm


Tunesmith 07-17-2007 09:41 PM


Originally Posted by brightpearl (Post 354295)


Anna 07-18-2007 01:01 AM

probably shouldn't have but it did
you can vote for the next one.
Let the games begine!

Jaime 07-18-2007 03:00 AM

Pauvre poule.

brightpearl 07-18-2007 08:59 AM

I was thinking about my handbag anti-attorney general protective copy of the Constitution, and I thought about this part of a speech Molly Ivins once gave:

Unknown to many people, my friend John Henry (Faulk) had a career in law enforcement -- at one point as he was a Texas Ranger. Captain of the Texas Rangers. He was seven at the time. And his friend Boots Cooper was the sheriff. The two of them did a lot of serious law enforcement out behind the Faulk place in south Austin.

And one day Mrs. Faulk asked those boys to go down to the henhouse and get a chicken snake out of the henhouse for her. So they rode their bikes down there and tethered their brooms. Went in and hunted through the nests on the bottom shelf and did not find that snake. Then they had to stand on tiptoe to see over the edge of the top shelf, and they did find a snake.

I myself have never been nose-to-nose with a chicken snake, but I’ve always taken John Henry’s word for it that it will just scare the living hell out of you. And it did. It scared both those boys so bad they both tried to exit the henhouse at the same time doing considerable damage to both themselves and the henhouse door.

Mrs. Faulk, watching this from the porch, got to laughing so hard. And they came back up there, and she said, “Boys, what is wrong with you? You know perfectly well a chicken snake cannot hurt you, will not hurt you.” That’s when Boots Cooper said something fairly immortal. He said, “Yes, ma’am, but there are some things that’ll scare you so bad that you’ll hurt yourself.”
Molly Ivins never failed to give me a happy.

Marcus Bales 07-31-2007 06:04 PM

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair.
She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.
"What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was
the day you spent with your family."
"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We
try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer
before I devoted my life to Christ."
"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day
of recreation was not relaxing?"
"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in
vain today!"
"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell
me all about it!"
"Well, we were on* the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother ~ 540
yard Par 5,* with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green and I hit the drive
of my* life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying
straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in
mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"
"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't
make you blaspheme, Sister!"
"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom
what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and
runs off down the* fairway!"
"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized Mother.
"But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of
myself! And while I was pondering whether this was* a sign from God, this
hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the* squirrel and flies off, with my
ball still clutched in his* paws!"
"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.
"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister,* anguished, "because as the
hawk started to fly out of sight, the* squirrel started struggling, and the
hawk dropped him right there on* the green, and the ball popped out of his
paws and rolled to about 18* inches from the cup!"
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest,
fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...
"You missed the goddamned putt, didn't you?"


Jack Flanders 07-31-2007 06:06 PM


Marcus Bales 08-01-2007 10:47 AM

Found on the Internet
Edited for scansion and style by the Poetry Rewrite Desk

For years and years they told me to be careful of my breasts:
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, and give them monthly tests.

I heeded all their warnings; in the bedroom and the spa
I guarded them from hands and stress and always wore my bra.

But after 30 years of care my doctor found a lump.
She ordered up a mammogram to look inside that bump.

"Stand up very close" she said, and got my boob in line,
"And tell me when it hurts" she said; "Ah yes there now that's fine."

She stepped down on a pedal; I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate pressed down and down -- my boob was in a vise!

My skin was stretched and stretched from up beneath my chin.
My boob was being squished and squashed to Swedish pancake thin.

I felt excruciating pain within its alligator grip.
A prisoner in this vicous thing: my poor defenseless tit!

"Take a breath" she said to me: who's she think she's kidding?
But since I'm mashed in her machine I do her evil bidding.
"There, that was good," I heard her say. The room is slowly swaying.
"Now, let's have a go at the other one." Lord have mercy I'm praying.

It squeezed on me from up and down; it squeezed from side to side;
I'll bet she's never had this done to her educated hide!

If I had cysts when I came in I surely have none now.
If there had been a cyst in there it would have popped, "ker-pow!"

A man must have invented this machine I have no doubt;
I'd like to stick his balls in there and see how they come out!

seebe 08-01-2007 02:01 PM

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

brightpearl 08-05-2007 10:22 AM

Thinking of Graham Chapman earlier today, I was reminded of the eulogy that John Cleese delivered at his memorial service. It's one of the most beautiful and appropriately inappropriate and hilarious things ever spoken. And it's nsfw.

brightpearl 08-05-2007 04:59 PM

Stephi's new title!!

Stephi_B 08-05-2007 05:11 PM

^ given to me by you! ;) :)

Jack Flanders 08-06-2007 01:44 AM


Originally Posted by brightpearl (Post 357321)
Thinking of Graham Chapman earlier today, I was reminded of the eulogy that John Cleese delivered at his memorial service. It's one of the most beautiful and appropriately inappropriate and hilarious things ever spoken. And it's nsfw.

Loved that!!! Those guys were and still are the best.

craig johnston 08-07-2007 06:48 PM

Dave Beasant Dropped a bottle of salad cream on his foot
Rio Ferdinand Picked up a tendon strain watching TV
Richard Wright Shoulder injury falling through his loft
Santiago Canizares Dropped a bottle of aftershave and severed a tendon
Alan Mullery Injured his back cleaning his teeth
Darren Barnard Slipped in a puddle of his dog's liquid

Frieda 08-07-2007 07:01 PM

^ oh man. you should see my hospital records.. :eek:

auntie aubrey 08-07-2007 10:03 PM

Jack Flanders 08-08-2007 12:13 AM

Sorry!!! That's fvcking scary!! :eek:

T.I.P. 08-08-2007 07:30 AM

who is joyce ? thread.
page 2
posts number 17-20

= internet laugh of the month

funniest thing i've ever seen on the internet

brightpearl 08-08-2007 06:44 PM

it's the elmo that does it

l'azizza 08-09-2007 05:28 PM

I don't know if it was a rerun or not, but did anyone see Jimmy Kimmel last night? They had that "Chocolate Rain" guy on. While he was singing, the camera was scanning the audience and kept focusing on old ladies with quizzical looks on their faces.

Veruki 08-09-2007 05:41 PM

My brother thinks I get paid to do nothing, cuz whenever he comes to visit it just happens to be a "slow" day. Well today he walked in just as I finished my post-it origami velociraptor family. They were about to attack a family of helpless paper clip, but my caught me as they were in mid-pounce.

brightpearl 08-09-2007 06:38 PM

Turd burglar.


lukkucairi 08-09-2007 07:46 PM

Anna 08-09-2007 09:05 PM

Brynn 08-12-2007 04:10 AM

Worst Analogies Ever Written in a High School Essay
These are the winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
-- Joseph Romm, Washington

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
-- Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
-- Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
-- Roy Ashley, Washington

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
-- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
-- Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
-- Unknown

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
-- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
-- Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like"Second Tall Man."
-- Russell Beland, Springfield

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
-- Jennifer Hart, Arlington

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
-- Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
-- Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
-- Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
-- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

auntie aubrey 08-13-2007 04:39 PM

300 page AT&T phone bill for the iphone

craig johnston 08-13-2007 04:44 PM

thanks brynn. where do you get these things?

brightpearl 08-13-2007 05:08 PM

I was just out buying school supplies, and I walked past a sign advertising a sale on "henleys and knickers." In the states, knickers are trousers that gather somewhere around the knees.
Like these:

But I couldn't help snickering at what our UK monkeys would think.

rmr 08-13-2007 05:16 PM


T.I.P. 08-13-2007 06:32 PM

no problem


brightpearl 08-13-2007 06:33 PM

^ha ha ha :D

rmr 08-13-2007 06:36 PM


brightpearl 08-13-2007 06:37 PM

Ooooh. Stand back everybody. TIP has ninja skills.

T.I.P. 08-13-2007 06:39 PM

can't right now, i'm eating and avocado and chèvre pizza, extra spicy

brightpearl 08-13-2007 06:40 PM

Dude, mentioning chèvre does nothing to up your manliness quotient.

Help me help you.

T.I.P. 08-13-2007 06:46 PM

can't right now, i'm having a "Triple Beef Pizza" with a couple of "brewskis" in front of the game

better ?

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