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-   -   Astonishing Factishes (http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin_new/showthread.php?t=17203)

Marcus Bales 04-04-2009 10:33 PM

Astonishing Factishes
 
In this thread we invent facts that sound as if they might be true, if you don't read carefully or think too much.

Touching the finial at the bottom of a staircase means you're horny.

trisherina 04-05-2009 12:52 AM

drinking red wine gives you bunions

YsaPur EsChomuw 04-05-2009 03:55 AM

If this thread reminds you of extremely misguided notions you will get lucky today.

Marcus Bales 04-05-2009 02:43 PM

You'll get lucky on the day you post to this thread.

MoJoRiSin 04-05-2009 06:03 PM

If you open a book to a random page and read the paragraph you then point to, it means something.

Marcus Bales 04-06-2009 12:37 PM

If you go back to open the refrigerator door again after you couldn't figure out what you want to eat, there'll be something new and desireable in there that sounds just right.

dddrum 04-11-2009 02:20 PM

Falling drops are the surest sign of rain.

Marcus Bales 04-20-2009 07:58 AM

Don't look up the word smegma; no, just don't do it.

YsaPur EsChomuw 04-20-2009 12:14 PM

Look before you leap; limp after you look.

Marcus Bales 04-20-2009 07:50 PM

An investigation into auto accidents by the Big Three automakers, using "black box" technology similar to that used in the airlines, in a limited test run of 10,000 cars across the United States reveals that the last words heard on most tapes are "Oh, shit," except in Texas, Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, Arkansas, North and South Carolina, and Tennesse where the most common last words are "Here, hold my beer and watch this!"

dddrum 05-02-2009 10:32 AM

Napoleon Bonaparte labored under the delusion that he was, in fact, Alexander the Great.

Brynn 05-21-2009 05:43 PM

Not too many people are aware of the fact that a final vinegar rinse in one's freshly washed hair serves as a powerful aphrodisiac.

lukkucairi 05-21-2009 05:59 PM

drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon makes one proof against hail

Marcus Bales 05-21-2009 08:02 PM

If you open the windows on a warm day it turns your neighbors' radios on. Loud.

dddrum 05-28-2009 02:48 PM

An index finger hastily moistened in the mouth and then held aloft like a totem will mystically prevent an amber caution light from changing to red.

This factish is a bona fide one, dating back to the late sixties, when it was invented by one David Ferguson, keyboard player for a regional garage band called Sergeant Snorkel's Coin Laundry and Diaper Service. The other band members swore by it, and I myself would testify that it has helped me avoid a number of moving violations over the intervening years.

Just to be clear, the technique, known as the "Fergie Finger", must be accompanied by the reverent recitation of the following scrap of doggerel:

Fergie finger saved the day
Doo dah, doo dah
'Cause I licked it this-a way
All de doo dah day


Don't worry. Stephen Foster cannot sue. I had my lawyer check.

Marcus Bales 05-28-2009 02:51 PM

For anyone afraid of thunderstorms, you need only incant "Where's the whiskey? Where's the whiskey?" until you can decant some into your mouth for you to feel much, much better.

YsaPur EsChomuw 05-30-2009 01:34 AM

When in doubt, ponask.

Marcus Bales 05-31-2009 08:34 AM

No matter how many layers of plastic grocery bags you use to pick up the dog's poop out on a walk, the holes mysteriously line up.

MoJoRiSin 05-31-2009 04:09 PM

those words that come to you in the morning between sleep and wakefulness
mean something

Brynn 06-01-2009 03:16 PM

Speaking of incantations, whenever you've misplaced something, repeatedly chanting "Man knows instantly everything he needs to know" while you are searching for the missing item will help you think clearly, stay calm, and eventually find the missing item sooner than you normally would have.

Marcus Bales 06-01-2009 04:34 PM

You always find what you're looking for in the last place you look. Because then you stop looking.

Hyakujo's Fox 06-17-2009 10:34 AM

Once you reach 8888 posts on this board, you are officially excused.

Marcus Bales 06-17-2009 11:23 AM

Unfortunately, once you get to 8889 you're officially indicted again.

YsaPur EsChomuw 06-17-2009 11:32 AM

If you eat some chocolate everything will turn out just fine.

dddrum 06-30-2009 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoJoRiSin (Post 411645)
those words that come to you in the morning between sleep and wakefulness
mean something

Don't ride my rooster, Raymond. See? The tops are made with cinnamon gum! Oh, I hope this is the bathroooomium mum mum mmmmummmmmm...

Marcus Bales 08-24-2009 03:26 AM

When you walk two dogs, you'd better take four bags.

Coffee 08-24-2009 06:04 PM

Bringing a cat on a leash will make you the center of attention at the dog park.

Marcus Bales 08-26-2009 10:44 AM

If you bring your cat on a leash to the dogpark no one will even notice.

Hyakujo's Fox 09-01-2009 11:14 AM

Putting a cat on a leash is illegal in many southern states.

Marcus Bales 09-02-2009 10:36 AM

"Putting a cat on a leash" is a German idiom for an expensive sex act.

Brynn 10-21-2009 02:04 PM

unleashing the cat in a dog park is illegal too

Marcus Bales 10-22-2009 05:12 PM

A saccade, eh -- well, it's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.

funkytuba 10-24-2009 01:48 AM

Dreaming of sweet potatoes is symbolic of a deep-seated need to be the target of gratitude.

Marcus Bales 10-30-2009 01:10 PM

If you find a watch it means you're on time.

YsaPur EsChomuw 10-30-2009 01:13 PM

If you find a watch it means someone else's dead.

Marcus Bales 10-30-2009 01:25 PM

If you find a watch it means Ysobel planted it for you to find so you'll think someone else is dead.

YsaPur EsChomuw 10-30-2009 01:35 PM

If you find a watch and think it means Ysobel planted it for you to find so you'll think someone else is dead, it actually means you are going to be very late.

Marcus Bales 10-31-2009 10:58 PM

Omg I'm late!

MoJoRiSin 10-31-2009 11:58 PM

^:D

YsaPur EsChomuw 11-01-2009 03:31 AM

No matter how silly a superstition you make up there will be people who will be drawn to believe in it.


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