RatMan: ...and so I walked in this morning and there was this new guy there that I had to buddy up with and train.

Me: So who is he?

RatMan: His name is Justice.

Me: Single mother!

RatMan: What?

Me: Born to a single mother. I'll bet you twenty bucks, right now! Ask him!

RatMan: I'm not gonna ask him!

Me: Give me his phone number!

RatMan: NO!

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30
years, reunited at a party. After several drinks,
one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He
started working at a successful company at the bottom
of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business
Administration and soon began to climb the
corporate ladder and now he's the president of the
company. He became so rich that he gave his best
friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son
is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big
airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot.
Eventually he became a partner in the
company, where he owns the majority of its assets.
He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet
for his birthday! ."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied
in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he
started his own construction company and is now a
multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice
and expensive to his best friend for his birthday:
A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as
the fourth returned from the restroom and asked:
"What are all the congratulations for?"

One of the three said: "We were talking about
the pride we feel for the successes of our sons.
What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a
living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said:
"What a shame... what a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's
my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either.
His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful
30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top
of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

In today's e-mail:I love this town.

J got this email today.

Subject: Hello from russia..


Hello have a good day,
I am not sure where to begin,it is first time I try to use internet to
meet the man but the thing is,that I will work abroad I can choice
USA,Canada or Europe and I would like to meet the man to share free
evenings and be my guide. My friends helped me to send a few letters
to different address and I do hope that I am lucky to meet good and
kind man.you should know that now I live in Russia and my goal is to leave this
country because it is impossible to live here for young pretty woman.they tell I look well
enough,I am blonde with blue eyes,I am natural blonde.I will send a few photos if you reply.
if you don't have wife nor girlfriend ,maybe we could try to meet?
I am free I have not children .and I have not boyfriend here.
I am 25 years old ,please write to me directly
to my mail- fruy1@pochta.ru See you soon ,with great hope

I love sharing free evenings with the man.

it's certainly better than paying for them

It certainly is.

I couldn't help but hear this in the voice of Stan Laurel, so naturally I had to read with the voice of Ollie, and with the voice of Stan. :D

:p

Melissa are you scratching your head right now?

today i insulted a pole, who turned out to have an alcoholic father... serious foot in mouth situation

a telephone pole?

I think an ethnic one. Ya gotta be careful what you say to anyone.

Today I was out having lunch with my fiance and some friends, and one of HIS friends had been staring off into space for the entire lunch. Finally when the check comes, he shouts, "We're teenage enima nurses in bondage!"

Today I took Merlin to the vet (yes, I have my kitties back with me - YAY!) because he's been suffering from chronic squirty poos :( He's been tested for worms and been on Flagyl so it's not that... prolly IBS which is treatable (he's in good health otherwise).
Anyhoo - the vet examined him and went into his diagnosis and recommendations, amongst which was to have a very expensive blood workup (to make sure Mer doesn't have cancer or something else serious) which I can't really afford (and, to be honest, doesn't seem necessary since he's so glossy and clear-eyed and energetic) and yet I want to do everything I can for the little guy. And talking with the vet some more brought up all these memories of one of my past kitties who I had to have put down because of cancer, that I couldn't afford the surgery for, and I got all verklempt, and was trying to hide it, but it welled up and I got all leaky. The vet went on regardless which didn't help matters because of course he was talking about more things I couldn't afford. Bah.
In the meantime, Mer's been wandering around the room and is now sitting there cleaning himself. Suddenly the vet says, "What a cute tongue you've got there!" I look over at Mer, and he's looking back and forth at both of us, with his tongue about half-way out of his mouth, like he's sticking his tongue out at us. I started laughing, which of course made me stop crying :) Sweet kitty. How do they know?
(I ended up compromising and getting the breathtakingly expensive special food and some steroids... hopefully Mer's squirts will improve).