^^ That's brilliant. I adore Stephen Frye, and Hugh Laurie.
I'm glad everyone liked my pathetically lowbrow astrophysics class link. :D I'll pack a fan and some popsicles for us to share...
For some reason, I felt the urge to look up Emu TV today to make sure it actually existed. It was a very funny show that was on when I was rather young so I only remember bits and peices.
OPEN LETTER TO MR. JAMES THATCHER,
BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi-pads for over 20 years,
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or
salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the
beach in tight white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enoughto realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher?
Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my
'time of the month ' is starting right now. As I type, I can already
feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body.
Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be
transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly
with knifeskills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense
mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely
realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend
Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles
into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's
Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people! must realize that America is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to
the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive
backing,were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f - - - - - - kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of
your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness actual smiling,
laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never
be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlza and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap
a moronic message on a maxi-pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put Down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong'? Or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullshit.
And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
^^^^Very Hannibal Lecter :p
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you
pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could
only be one passenger in your car?
Think seriously about this before you continue reading.
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a
job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to
die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend
because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to
pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble
coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought
limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."
The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her
misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then
drive off with the old friend for a few beers.
God, I just love happy endings!
^^Oh, god, I loooooooooorrve Black Adder.
"I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel."
for the occasion
"you wouldn't know a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord singing "subtle plans are here again."
i love them all, but the dr johnson one is just about perfect.
Blackadder: [rewriting the dictionary] Baldrick, what have you done?
Baldrick: I've done "C" and "D."
Blackadder: Right. Let's have it, then.
Baldrick: Right. "Big blue wobbly thing that mermaids live in."
Blackadder: What's that?
Blackadder: Yes. Tiny misunderstanding. Still, my hopes weren't high. Oh, and "D?"
Baldrick: I'm quite pleased with "dog."
Blackadder: Yes, and your definition of "dog" is?
Baldrick: "Not a cat."
^Thank you for letting me ride the coattails of that happy.
if I was ever stuck on a desert island with a solar operated dvd player and tv and all I could take was one already released box dvd set, it'd be the complete set of black adder. wait! let me think a second.... yep, that's what I would take, but if I could have two...
Blackadder: A man may fight for many things. His country, his friends, his principles, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.
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