There once was a fabulous bird
Who excreted a ten-gallon turd
With that kind of guano
I think I might want to
Eat it as it's healthy, I heard

:D EX-cellent! Welcome, Random!


A newbie who posted a post

A newbie who posted a post
Has grossed me as out as I've grossed

A newbie who posted a post
Has grossed me as out as I've grossed
If he thinks that bird waste
Is a drink of good taste

A newbie who posted a post
Has grossed me as out as I've grossed
If he thinks that bird waste
Is a drink of good taste
Then around here he's saner than most

Do "follow the evidence" shows
Appeal to religious yo-yos?

A newbie who posted a post
Has grossed me as out as I've grossed
If he thinks that bird waste
Is a drink of good taste
He'd best not be proposing a toast!

***

Do "follow the evidence" shows
Appeal to religious yo-yos?
Well, speaking as one
I find them great fun
And what your point is, heaven knows

In childhood I was so deprived

In childhood I was so deprived
I still marvel how I survived

In childhood I was so deprived
I still marvel how I survived
Through hunger and thirst

In childhood I was so deprived
I still marvel how I survived
Through hunger and thirst
To still come in first

In childhood I was so deprived
I still marvel how I survived
Through hunger and thirst
To still come in first
It's Nietschean how I did thrive.

When the pirate grew sick of the sea

When the pirate grew sick of the sea
He put something new in his tea

When the pirate grew sick of the sea
He put something new in his tea
His first mate then seemed

When the pirate grew sick of the sea
He put something new in his tea
His first mate then seemed
Like a wet dream he'd dreamed

When the pirate grew sick of the sea
He put something new in his tea
His first mate then seemed
Like a wet dream he'd dreamed
Which sounds sort of ... fishy, to me.

A pirate's the manliest guy

A pirate's the manliest guy
'Til two months at sea have gone by

A pirate's the manliest guy
'Til two months at sea have gone by
When a burning fever

A pirate's the manliest guy
'Til two months at sea have gone by
When a burning fever
Makes a golden retriever

A pirate's the manliest guy
'Til two months at sea have gone by
When a burning fever
Makes a golden retriever
A lusty young wench, in his eye

A pirate's the manliest guy
'Til two months at sea have gone by
When a burning fever
Makes a golden retriever
A lusty BLONDE wench, in his eye.

Ooh... that is better! Truly a D'OH! moment for me.


OK, I'm better now.

A pirate's what I'd like to be

A pirate's what I'd like to be
To hijack threads far out to sea
With memes worn out
And themes gone gout
Sinker of pirate threads, that be me!

In Xanadu did Newton-John

In Xanadu did Newton-John
A sated pleasant hum emit
As sperm from Zatoichi-san
Sloshed inside her, while some ran
Down one cheek a bit

For twice five times the diva dove
Orgasmically as Zato strove
Through privet thickets deep and dark and dense
Where somewhere blossomed one sweet fragrant bloom
Which spread each time when found for his immense
Enjoyment – or, at least so we assume.

But oh ! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the smooth hill athwart a cedarn cover !
A savage place ! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover !
And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced :
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail :
And 'mid these dancing rocks at once and ever
It flung up momently the sacred river.

Five moans meandering with a mazy motion
Through hill and dale the sacred river ran,
Then reached the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean :
And 'mid this tumult Newton heard from far
Ancestral voices saying “You’re a star!”

The echo of the hum of pleasure
Floated midway on the waves ;
Where with was heard the mingled measure
From the fountain and the caves.
It was a miracle of rare device,
A sated pleasant hum heard five times twice!

And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware ! Beware !
His flashing eyes, his floating hair !
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.

.

At dinner we let the phone ring

At dinner we let the phone ring
As we feared what news it might bring

At dinner we let the phone ring
As we feared what news it might bring
Aunt Agnes had borrowed the car

At dinner we let the phone ring
As we feared what news it might bring
Aunt Agnes had borrowed the car
But not to go very far

At dinner we let the phone ring
As we feared what news it might bring
Aunt Agnes had borrowed the car
But not to go very far
Still, last time she called from Sing Sing.

At dinner we let the phone ring
As we feared what news it might bring
Aunt Agnes had borrowed the car
But not to go very far
Although she used our crusty old Mazda Sting

The table top, stained by the wine,

The table top, stained by the wine,
Reflected the morning sunshine

The table top, stained by the wine,
Reflected the morning sunshine
I got out the Comet
To clean up the vomit

The table top, stained by the wine,
Reflected the morning sunshine
I got out the Comet
To clean up the vomit
Whose? I'm not sure, but not mine.

Somebody liberate the garden gnome

You may randomly pick out a name
And with husbands and wives just the same;
But random in meter
Is free verse, you cheater,
And isn't quite playing the game.

The gnome in the garden's got wise