I lay there on the beach just sunning
till a stiff breeze sent me out gunning

I lay there on the beach just sunning
till a stiff breeze sent me out gunning
I reached for my towel,
Finding sand, I cried foul,
Sent the passers-by screaming and running.

As I pondered my bacon and eggs

As I pondered my bacon and eggs
There was a tingle on both of my legs

As I pondered my bacon and eggs
There was a tingle on both of my legs
I reached for the cat

As I pondered my bacon and eggs
There was a tingle on both of my legs
I reached for the cat
But fondled - a rat!

As I pondered my bacon and eggs
There was a tingle on both of my legs
I reached for the cat
But fondled - a rat!
Who cheerfully sits up and begs.

I bumped into a very odd bloke

I bumped into a very odd bloke
My umbrella'd unpleasantly poked

I bumped into a very odd bloke
My umbrella'd unpleasantly poked
He gave me a smile

I bumped into a very odd bloke
My umbrella'd unpleasantly poked
He gave me a smile
which I put down to guile

I bumped into a very odd bloke
My umbrella'd unpleasantly poked
He gave me a smile
which I put down to guile
Or perhaps it was something he smoked.

But then when he pulled out a gun

But then when he pulled out a gun
I knew he wasn't looking for fun

But then when he pulled out a gun
I knew he wasn't looking for fun
I said "hey man, look out"

But then when he pulled out a gun
I knew he wasn't looking for fun
I said "hey man, look out"
"Don't just wave that about"

But then when he pulled out a gun
I knew he wasn't looking for fun
I said "hey man, look out"
"Don't just wave that about"
"Give it here and I'll show how it's done"

My neighbor is raising a stink

My neighbor is raising a stink
'bout something I put in his drink

My neighbor is raising a stink
'bout something I put in his drink
But he can't leave the john

My neighbor is raising a stink
'bout something I put in his drink
But he can't leave the john
Without his pants on

My neighbor is raising a stink
'bout something I put in his drink
But he can't leave the john
Without his pants on
those roofies, they change how you think

As we raised the piano by hoist

As we raised the piano by hoist
Our wives and our girlfriends had voiced

As we raised the piano by hoist
Our wives and our girlfriends had voiced
some reservation

As we raised the piano by hoist
Our wives and our girlfriends had voiced
some reservation;
we laughed our negation

As we raised the piano by hoist
Our wives and our girlfriends had voiced
some reservation;
we laughed our negation
tho' it brought down the ceiling and joist.

The shadow of darkness falls fast

The shadow of darkness falls fast
The time for hard working has past

The shadow of darkness falls fast
The time for hard working has past
now other concerns
inform our new yearns
and leave all our mothers aghast

I swear my intentions were good

I swear my intentions were good
I worked just as hard as I could

I swear my intentions were good
I worked just as hard as I could
But the little distractions
Confounded my actions

I swear my intentions were good
I worked just as hard as I could
But the little distractions
Confounded my actions
So here we are, waiting for wood.

I'm sleepy, my donut is stale,

I'm sleepy, my donut is stale
and this woman beside me's a whale

I'm sleepy, my donut is stale
and this woman beside me's a whale
the bus seat is smelly

I'm sleepy, my donut is stale
and this woman beside me's a whale
the bus seat is smelly
and my empty belly

I'm sleepy, my donut is stale
and this woman beside me's a whale
the bus seat is smelly
and my empty belly
makes my spine read "I'm hungry!" in Braille.

As the termites devoured the floor