This year, Christmas falls on a Sunday
That won't change, though I guess there is ONE way...
So, let's go get the tree

This year, Christmas falls on a Sunday
That won't change, though I guess there is ONE way...
So, let's go get the tree
Leave the driving to me

This year, Christmas falls on a Sunday
That won't change, though I guess there is ONE way...
So, let's go get the tree
Leave the driving to me
Santa's using the church for his runway

The reindeer left tracks on the lawn

The reindeer left tracks on the lawn
(Not an adult, just a fawn)

The reindeer left tracks on the lawn
(Not an adult, just a fawn)
They were neat little lines

The reindeer left tracks on the lawn
(Not an adult, just a fawn)
They were neat little lines
Running off to the pines

The reindeer left tracks on the lawn
(Not an adult, just a fawn)
They were neat little lines
Running off to the pines
Where he took a quick leak and was gone

Now that this holiday's done

Now that this holiday's done
I'll get out the key for my gun

Now that this holiday's done
I'll get out the key for my gun
My gifts are all given

Now that this holiday's done
I'll get out the key for my gun
My gifts are all given
The drifts are all driven
Some suicide now might be fun

But perhaps that's a little extreme

But perhaps that's a little extreme
You could just go outside and scream

But perhaps that's a little extreme
You could just go outside and scream
Since what is absurder
Than talk of self murder
From boredom and low self-esteem?

So I'm starting a brand new religion

So I'm starting a brand new religion
And I know you'll all follow my vision

So I'm starting a brand new religion
And I know you'll all follow my vision
Of building my stash
Of stocks, bonds, and cash

So I'm starting a brand new religion
And I know you'll all follow my vision
Of building my stash
Of stocks, bonds, and cash
And worshipping Harold, my pigeon

I just love my little cat, ambo

I just love my little cat, Ambo
And my mouse, whom the kids have named Tambo

I just love my little cat, Ambo
And my mouse, whom the kids have named Tambo
they chase and they fight

I just love my little cat, Ambo
And my mouse, whom the kids have named Tambo
they chase and they fight
and they tangle all night

I just love my little cat, Ambo
And my mouse, whom the kids have named Tambo
they chase and they fight
and they tangle all night
then make up by dancing the mambo

A seal walked into a club

A seal walked into a club
For beer and maybe some grub

A seal walked into a club
For beer and maybe some grub
The walrus said, "Son,"
"Now look what you done."

A seal walked into a club
For beer and maybe some grub
The walrus said, "Son,"
"Now look what you done."
And ostracised him with a snub.

I'm tempted to make some beef gravy

I'm tempted to make some beef gravy
Just like they make in the Navy

I'm tempted to make some beef gravy
Just like they make in the Navy
As you're making it thick
Use an icing knife quick
To artistically make it look wavy.

When forty-two syllables maxes
Your length, with two rhyme-sounds, the facts is
With "gravy" and "navy",
The chances of "wavy"
Are up there with dying and taxes.

There's something new under the sun

There's something new under the sun
And the moment this limerick is done

There's something new under the sun
And the moment this limerick is done
I'll rush right outside
And proclaim with great pride

There's something new under the sun
And the moment this limerick is done
I'll rush right outside
And proclaim with great pride
That making beef gravy is fun

Well, love is discovered anew

Well, love is discovered anew
in the galley while making a stew

Well, love is discovered anew
In the galley while making a stew
The old friend is starboard