To my new assistant:
yes, i'm sick. duh.
my trip was fine, stop asking me.
yes, i got a haircut. i lied when i said 'no' to shut you up.
i know my shirt kicks ass, stop telling me how good i look, you creep me out.
thanks for the shot glass, you very nice, naive, freaky crack-whore.
please don't cry when i fire you this week.