^^Well, I can hardly tell you not to now that I've spilled my own beans, can I? So I'll have to try the mom's secret weapon: guilt.
You know, Tunesmith, you're such a smart kid. Your actual parents and I really trust you to make good decisions. And we know you would never disappoint us by having unprotected sex in a dirty stairwell with some tarted up little harlot you barely know. So we're not worried at all. We just wanted you to know how great we think you are.
Here's your pb 'n' j, dear. Have a nice day!
Oh, right...you prefer it with no crusts! Here you go, then: