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Old 04-07-2006, 11:39 AM   #1966
craig johnston
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yep, but you laughed, didn't you?

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Old 04-07-2006, 12:16 PM   #1967
trisherina
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Needs to be quoted in full:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyakujo's Fox
"Black Stump Bordeaux" is rightly praised as a peppermint flavoured
Burgundy, whilst a good "Sydney Syrup" can rank with any of the world's
best sugary wines.

"Chateau Bleu", too, has won many prizes; not least for its taste, and
its lingering afterburn.

"Old Smokey, 1968" has been compared favourably to a Welsh claret,
whilst the Australian Wino Society thoroughly recommends a 1970 "Coq du
Rod Laver", which, believe me, has a kick on it like a mule: 8 bottles
of this, and you're really finished -- at the opening of the Sydney
Bridge Club, they were fishing them out of the main sewers every half an
hour.

Of the sparkling wines, the most famous is "Perth Pink". This is a
bottle with a message in, and the message is BEWARE!. This is not a
wine for drinking -- this is a wine for laying down and avoiding.

Another good fighting wine is "Melbourne Old-and-Yellow", which is
particularly heavy, and should be used only for hand-to-hand combat.

Quite the reverse is true of "Chateau Chunder", which is an appellation
contrôlée, specially grown for those keen on regurgitation -- a fine wine
which really opens up the sluices at both ends.

Real emetic fans will also go for a "Hobart Muddy", and a prize winning
"Cuiver Reserve Chateau Bottled Nuit San Wagga Wagga", which has a
bouquet like an aborigine's armpit.
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Old 04-07-2006, 12:34 PM   #1968
karma_queen
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my gay best friend, commenting on how we've moved up in the world:

'we've gone from hoi polloi to hoity toity'
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Old 04-07-2006, 01:59 PM   #1969
Jack Flanders
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Quote:
Originally Posted by craig johnston
yep, but you laughed, didn't you?


You sick bastard!!! (I'm still laughing, damn you.)
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Old 04-07-2006, 05:39 PM   #1970
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Quote:
Originally Posted by craig johnston
yep, but you laughed, didn't you?

yeah but only a BIT
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Old 04-08-2006, 03:22 AM   #1971
Brynn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by karma_queen
my gay best friend, commenting on how we've moved up in the world:

'we've gone from hoi polloi to hoity toity'
This is an important distinction. There's a lot of la-di-da between the two.
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Old 04-08-2006, 12:50 PM   #1972
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Reading The Comic Toolbox by John Vorhaus. In the intro, he discovers the fun of writing in the passive voice.

"The room was walked into by a man by whom strong, handsome features were had. A woman was met by him. The bed was lain upon by her. Then the bed was lain upon by him. Clothing was removed from them both. Sex was had. Climax was acheved. Afterward, cigarettes were smoked by them. Suddenly, the door was opened by the husband of the woman by whom the bed was lain upon. Some screams were screamed and angry words exchanged. Jealousy was felt by the man by whom the gun was held. Firing of the gun was done by him. The flying of bullets took place. Impact was felt by bodies. Remorse was then felt by the man by whom the gun was held. The gun was turned upon himself.

"And the rest, as they say, is forensics."
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Old 04-08-2006, 01:15 PM   #1973
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Hi, wat's up?
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Old 04-08-2006, 02:07 PM   #1974
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Old 04-09-2006, 10:38 PM   #1975
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i recieved a private message today on yahoo - i changed the names -


Him: hi theres your really hot
Me: thanks asl
Him: 62/m...you looking for a good time this afternoon with a mature man
Me: your older then my mother thats disgusting goodbye
Him: shut up you poopy head
Me: how mature - you sure your not 12??

I put him on ignore at that point - apparently he messaged another girl in the same chat room and when she called him an old man he called her "doody breath"
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Old 04-09-2006, 11:23 PM   #1976
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chanelle
Hi, wat's up?
This made me laugh
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Old 04-10-2006, 04:35 AM   #1977
craig johnston
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a friend's mother wrote a mail describing spring in her garden. the usual sort of thing, this budding and that blooming etc.
she wrote; '....and there's a wren building in the creeper'

he replied; 'what, like st paul's cathedral?'

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Old 04-10-2006, 06:08 AM   #1978
karma_queen
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my friends aunt was telling me about how she once had a conversation with one of her friends about gandhi. her friend's daughter looked up, and asked 'gandhi warhol?'
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Old 04-11-2006, 10:58 AM   #1979
micjiggles
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShopaholicChick
i recieved a private message today on yahoo - i changed the names -


Him: hi theres your really hot
Me: thanks asl
Him: 62/m...you looking for a good time this afternoon with a mature man
Me: your older then my mother thats disgusting goodbye
Him: shut up you poopy head
Me: how mature - you sure your not 12??

I put him on ignore at that point - apparently he messaged another girl in the same chat room and when she called him an old man he called her "doody breath"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

That is hilarious! Had to can myself. Still am. Great stuff, those lovely insults.
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Old 04-11-2006, 11:13 AM   #1980
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goodness, i hope this doesn't get too long, but i thought I had to let the whole world know the beauty of misunderstanding languages. (must be said beforehand:we are german-speaking, therefore misunderstandings like these are quite common)

my mom and i went to an podiatrist (a foot doctor, just in case someone doesn't know).

after he examined her feet and was satisfied with the results, my mom got up from the chair, shoes in hand, and was about to leave the room. then the doctor said to her: 'You can put your shoes on here!!' and points to the chair.

and what does my mom do? she places the shoes on the chair and looks at him expectantly.

after a few seconds of confused silence, he explains to her that he meant for her to put her shoes back on her feet while sitting on the chair.


I laughed for 2 hours straight...

P.S: And, yes, i am aware that this could have been one of those 'I guess you had to be there' stories. But canned myself again while writing it, so was worth it

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