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Old 04-25-2007, 01:52 PM   #1171
Jack Flanders
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightpearl View Post

PS They are gorgeous buggers, but they tend to come up a bit short in the brains department. I love them too, though.
I used to have this male cardinal that would fly into my kitchen window and knock itself out. I guess he thought he saw competition in his own reflection and was protecting his mate. He did this fairly often and man was it loud!!! Moron!
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Old 05-08-2007, 10:51 AM   #1172
brightpearl
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Dear Kitty Cats,
While I could do with less hair and barf, having you with me has been largely wonderful. We have such a beautiful, symbiotic relationship, in which I feed you and pet you and lavish you with catnip toys, and you remind me to feed you and pet you and lavish you with catnip toys. We have shared this home together for nearly 4 years, you and I, and I wouldn't change a minute of it.

Here's the thing, though. In those 4 years, on most days I have gone out somewhere and then returned. Every time, I open the gate and drive up the driveway and park in my usual spot. It's fairly predictable. One might think that your little cat brains would have grasped the pattern by now. Why then, as soon as you see me get out to open the gate, do you run and commence to either lounge smack in the middle of the driveway or bathe ostentatiously in my parking spot? I have to drive exactly one (1) mile an hour up the driveway as you take your time deciding to move, casting a not-so-subtle glance of irritation in my direction. Frequently, you give up your spots on the driveway only to flop down right where I need to park.

I'm beginning to think that rather than it just being a misunderstanding, you all resent me for parking in your sleeping spots, and you're masters of passive agression. If it weren't for the food and petting and toys, I'd sympathize a little more.

Please haul your fuzzy butts off my driveway. I hear the porch is nice. That's where the local 'possum sleeps.

Sincerely,
brightpearl
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Old 05-21-2007, 06:37 PM   #1173
Frieda
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dear self,

you can do it. i know you're afraid. don't deny it, don't push it away, it's ok to feel this way. go through it. it's valuable. jump.

now sleep, rest. DON'T PANIC!

me
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Old 05-22-2007, 06:12 AM   #1174
beckstra
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Dear cold,
Go. Away. NOW.
Ugh,
*cough*
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Old 05-23-2007, 12:47 AM   #1175
trisherina
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Dear dandelions,

I see you sent your best this year, your brightest. And so you should. Nonetheless, they will taste the sharp metal of my weeding fork, every one of them. Stab, twist, pull. Stab, twist, pull. Send them all. I'll not disappoint.

Best regards,
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Old 05-23-2007, 01:06 AM   #1176
Jack Flanders
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Dear Trish, Hahaha!! Weed (sic) like your yard!!! Love, the Dandies
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Old 06-04-2007, 03:00 AM   #1177
Frieda
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dear Big Toe On the Right,

could you please fire up the sense nerves in your area again? you have been taking a break for a week and turn out to be quite an essential part of the walking process. i cannot seem to steer without your help.

thanks

me
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Old 06-04-2007, 03:58 AM   #1178
l'azizza
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Dear Joe,

I know you like to get drunk and reminisce.. but if we would have gotten married in Springs that one day when you had that court appearance, we would have been the couple that gets drunk and stabs each other in the street. I'm glad you understand it now.

Eat my ass sweetjeans,

T
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Old 06-05-2007, 01:37 AM   #1179
Veruki
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Dear differential equations class,

You suck!

Love,
V
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Old 06-09-2007, 11:42 AM   #1180
trisherina
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Dear Mrs. ********:

I understand that teaching is stressful. And we as parents are mindful of the difficulties inherent to your career choice, though we are in no way required to do so. For instance, we kept our own counsel when our daughter reported your relating inappropriate tales of superstition and ignorance to the class in a setting where their minds are open to acquiring knowledge and impressions. We have always felt that it is a parent's duty to be vigilant in reviewing what is taught in school, and to correct errors where necessary. Mind you, there have been so many reported this year that we occasionally wonder if we have missed a few due to sheer volume, despite our daughter's tendency to be a very thorough historian.

Recently it came to our attention that you had used a "bait and switch" tactic on the class, telling the students that all children who passed a series of timed math tests that they would be given a treat, then deciding after almost everyone had passed that you were going to make this treat conditional on a retest given on a particular day. This did present a useful opportunity for home teaching about the "bait and switch" principle, and we have plenty of treats on hand in any case, so we deemed the matter unworthy of protest.

Then our daughter reported that you had repeatedly, and with great emphasis, told the class that students who did not pass the series of timed tests on the appointed day would not be allowed to attend a school-wide end of year field trip. Having signed the permission slip with no such notification, this seemed unlikely to us, but you certainly had the children convinced. Our daughter, having passed these tests months ago, was keen enough to meet the challenge and applied herself with flash cards and sample tests, but feared slipping up under the pressure of timing, and cried late into the night before the test, expressing fear that you would "be cranky" and make good on your threat despite our assurances that it was very likely to be an empty and ill-conceived one.

Later we learned that only five children in the class (approximately 18%) passed the timed tests that day, yet you told them that everyone could attend the field trip against your better judgment. Our daughter said many of her peers expressed a great deal of anxiety prior to the test day -- several had never even passed the tests originally and yet the stated expectation remained the same for all!

This is precisely the kind of experience that instills children with fear and resentment in the context of the educational setting, and colours their view thereafter. But you weren't acting on any principles of knowledge acquisition, you were acting on expedience: our daughter reports that you often complain about "how much there is to do in June," and I am sure you garnered yourself a few hours of peace and quiet while children laboured anxiously over their practice tests. I too work in a setting where the school calendar reigns supreme; it is a difficult time of year indeed. But even with your limited education, would you place expedience as your highest value? Let's ask your principal.

Sincerely,
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Old 06-09-2007, 01:59 PM   #1181
brightpearl
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Dear Inner Demon,

I care for you with my whole heart. Please stay as long as you find solace here.

Sincerely,
brightpearl
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Old 06-10-2007, 05:01 AM   #1182
l'azizza
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nofx

Last edited by l'azizza : 06-10-2007 at 03:36 PM.
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Old 06-10-2007, 05:29 AM   #1183
Frieda
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mailing out a couple of letters that get me through the day this morning:


dear sir,

fvck the hell off. you make me feel miserable with your stories on how much you make. my house costs twice as much as yours and i don't even make one fifth of what you make. so stop bragging about your cash flow.

thanks,
me.

================================================== =

dear guy from the company car department,

why the fck didn't you tell me you were going to appoint me an old model Clio?? maybe because i wouldn't accept it, huh. i'm the laughing stock of the department, again! and don't tell me i have to drive this baby till 2009. i'm not going to.

do let me know if you have another car ready, i am seriously thinking about driving this baby into the Amstel.

cheers,
me.

================================================== =

dear lower extremity on the right,

yes, you, that's how they call you at the hospital. please stop hurting. i'm not up for another round.

thanks!
me

================================================== =

dear insurance company,

please refund my claims.

thank you!
me

================================================== =

dear post office people,

top priority shipping means top priority shipping. it doesn't mean forgetting to issue a tracking number and losing a parcel. motherfckers!!

if i had another choice in postal companies, i would choose another.

sincerely,
me

================================================== =

dear self,

calm down.

me.
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Old 06-11-2007, 12:23 AM   #1184
Tunesmith
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To all my friends,

I'm sorry for ignoring you for so long. I was totally infatuated, and I made a bad decision. I regret putting you all on hold, and I hope we can start where we left off.

Wanna grab some coffee sometime?

Tunesmith

p.s. If you could welcome her back into the group, that'd be wonderful. Nobody deserves to be alone, least of all her. Just make an effort, you assholes!
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Old 06-11-2007, 01:15 AM   #1185
priceyfatprude
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Dear On Call Doctor,

I was told 48 hours for my results. If they found what they think they saw, I need to know so I can immediately begin meds or think about surgery. Me having to call you 5 times in the course of the day is not good customer service. Especially when you give me such lame excuses for why the results aren't in. "Well, we got them from Memorial, so they're taking awhile to download." Um, you are the ones who told me to go to Memorial for the scan. If there was going to be a delay, why didn't you tell me that? Why didn't Memorial tell me that? But I digress.

OCD, if you are going to give me results, please read my chart at least a little. Telling me very seriously that I have cysts on my kidneys & liver made me laugh & laugh all weekend. I also had a little fun gasping, "Do I? OMG!"

In conclusion, read my ****ing chart. Thanks.





Dear sweet baby,

I enjoyed my day with you. I can tell you are getting older, but you still follow me everywhere like you always have. In & out to hang up laundry several times & you wanted to come out every time. Never once did you think, "I'm too old for this sh!t" & I love you for that. I also loved you sleeping in my arms, makes it very easy to give you kissies. I don't appreciate you barking outside the bathroom door because I didn't let you in with me, but I forgive you. You are the best thing ever, and I love love love you.



Dear board members I give infractions to,

I delete your PM's without reading them. It makes me happy.
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