|01-02-2007, 11:12 AM||#4|
where's my salt?
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: finally writing
a fine confederate birthday happy to you, rmr.
still jackasinine, make no mistake
|01-02-2007, 02:02 PM||#5|
Join Date: Jan 2003
a little birthday gossip for you!
Britney Spears Had Sex in Front of Her Dogs: Update
By Phil Maggitti
Dec 19, 2006, 10:59
NEW YORK - Britney Spears was voted World's Worst Celebrity Dog Owner of 2006 by the readers of The Hollywood Dog and The New York Dog magazines. The award completes a hat trick for Ms. Spears, who was recently voted World's Worst Celebrity Mother by Parenting magazine and World's Worst Celebrity Muff by Penthouse.
Ms. Spears was once the preening owner of three highly visible Chihuahuas—Bit-Bit, Lacy, and Lucky—with whom she was always willing to pose. In fact, reports Hollywood Dog editor, Hilary O'Hagan, "She never left home without one of her dogs on her arm, but as soon as she met K-Fed and started having one kid after another, the dogs disappeared."
K-Fed, Ms. Spears' now-estranged husband, confessed to Them Weekly© in September that he and Ms. Spears had decided the dogs no longer fit their lifestyle: "We gave all them dogs to friends of ours. It was just too much with the kids and all them dogs running around all over the place. It just wasn't really working."
Quite right. Three dogs no bigger than the engagement ring Paris Hilton bought for herself can crowd people in a gazillion-square-foot mansion.
The part-time fact checker at Hollywood Dog revealed that even if Ms. Spears hadn't kicked her "poor little dogs" to the curb, she was still a near lock for world's worst celebrity dog owner because she frequently had sex—alone and with other people—in front of her dogs. She even wrote about her exploits on the dogs' page of her website, when the dogs still had a page on her website.
"Kev and I nearly squished Bit-Bit last nite," wrote Ms. Spears. "She wuz tryin' to get the last bit of a Dorito that wuz on the pillow, and when Kevin grabbed the pillow to put it under my butt ... little Bit-Bit went flyin' acrost the room."
Animal communicator Sonia Fitzgerald, whom Ms. Spears had consulted about Bit-Bit's frequent walkabouts, was not amused by this revelation.
"Anybody with half a brain knows that having sex in front of small dogs is the single most damaging thing you can do to their psyches," said Ms. Fitzgerald, a former top fashion model. "Many animal behavior problems are simply the result of too much exposure to human sexuality."
Ms. Fitzgerald, author of What the Animals Tell Me, claims that Bit-Bit told her how frightened she was at seeing Ms. Spears and Mr. Federline getting their freak on.
"I interviewed Bit-Bit at Starbucks," said Ms. Fitzgerald. "She told me it was unbelievably stressful to watch her owners bumping uglies five or six nights a week."
Ms. Fitzgerald explained that small breeds like Chihuahuas can be especially traumatized by the sight of two people having it off because human genitalia appear threateningly large to a small dog.
"If you think about the difference between a Chihuahua's penis and the average human's penis, even the below-average human's penis, you can see what I'm talking about.”
Because small breeds are often afraid to jump off the bed, they have no place to hide when festivities break out, said Ms. Fitzgerald.
"Bit-Bit told me that even if she turned her head and closed her eyes, 'They made so much noise I couldn't ignore them.' I felt so sorry for that little dog. When Britney started calling for God, the dog had no way of knowing Britney wasn't being hurt.”
People like Ms. Spears and Mr. Federline who give pet names to their genitals "compound the trauma," said Ms. Fitzgerald. "Bit-Bit was a nervous wreck because she thought there was a 'bald-headed man' that Britney was supposed to kiss hiding somewhere under the covers."
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