Finally some GOOD diet/exercise advice - ZEFRANK.COM

priceyfatprude · 06-02-2004, 10:28 PM

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it.
How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ..... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food around!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Now go have a cookie...flour is a veggie!

"If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me."

agentsmith · 06-02-2004, 10:36 PM

BODIES ARE FOR HOOKERS AND FAT PEOPLE

zenbabe · 06-02-2004, 11:06 PM

You dont need to excercise to increase your heart rate! Just smoke a pack of cig's!!!

xfox · 06-02-2004, 11:18 PM

Good thing we don't have a problem with the food supply...

AllegroNg · 06-03-2004, 12:44 AM

"If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me."

Omg, PFP, I've never wanted you more!!!

zenbabe · 06-03-2004, 12:54 AM

You know, you DO burn calories while you are eating!

Klynne · 06-03-2004, 01:04 AM

Drink a 12 pack of beer nightly, and eat McDonalds for breakfast....

zenbabe · 06-03-2004, 02:00 AM

Clytie · 06-03-2004, 05:39 AM

celery has negative calories!

chuckie egg · 06-03-2004, 10:45 AM

While at kungfu last week, I joked about how alcohol had affected my fitness. To which my partner replied "Well, when the drink interferes with the hobby, its time to give up the hobby!!"

ally · 06-03-2004, 11:18 AM

hmm, yes, well, got to just remind you all that obesity is the highest cause of death in the states & it's going that way in the uk & france too, soooo, eat sensible amounts of decent food (yes, dark chocolate is sensilbe) & do at least 30 mins exercise a day (walking the dog round the block & going up the stairs a few times a day is usually enough), umm; anyway, i'm going to get hate mail for this one i know, oh well, as mothers tend to say "it's for your own good".

dinzdale · 06-03-2004, 11:48 AM

That's crazy talk

weissenflatz · 06-03-2004, 12:26 PM

I'm going for a walk.

See, if there's a Burger King around..

chuckie egg · 06-04-2004, 10:11 AM

I NEED PIE!

Avalon · 06-04-2004, 02:47 PM

You burn more calories while sleeping than while watching television. But I don't think the report took into porn into consideration as way to combine both. I am going to study this futher.

06-02-2004, 10:28 PM	#1
priceyfatprude girthy pickles Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: under your desk Posts: 9,313	Finally some GOOD diet/exercise advice Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good. Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? A: Thicker gravy. Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ..... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food around! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Now go have a cookie...flour is a veggie! "If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me." __________________ "We like your board's features...but don't care about it's people"

06-02-2004, 10:36 PM	#2
agentsmith rap geisha Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: . Posts: 5,588	BODIES ARE FOR HOOKERS AND FAT PEOPLE __________________ ----------- "Genesis: First, I'd like to say reality is invisible to the naked eye. You and me both know that life is a real bitch. Doing your best, you say? That's not good enough."

06-02-2004, 11:06 PM	#3
zenbabe Lollypop! Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: we are all made of stars Posts: 11,690	You dont need to excercise to increase your heart rate! Just smoke a pack of cig's!!! __________________ Be yourself, because the people that mind don't matter, and the people that matter don't mind. -Dr. Seuss

06-03-2004, 12:54 AM	#6
zenbabe Lollypop! Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: we are all made of stars Posts: 11,690	You know, you DO burn calories while you are eating! __________________ Be yourself, because the people that mind don't matter, and the people that matter don't mind. -Dr. Seuss

06-03-2004, 02:00 AM	#8
zenbabe Lollypop! Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: we are all made of stars Posts: 11,690	__________________ Be yourself, because the people that mind don't matter, and the people that matter don't mind. -Dr. Seuss

06-02-2004, 11:18 PM	#4
xfox slightly effective Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: >>> Posts: 2,404	Good thing we don't have a problem with the food supply...

06-03-2004, 12:44 AM	#5
AllegroNg What I Am Wearing. Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Near DC Posts: 2,574	"If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me." Omg, PFP, I've never wanted you more!!!

06-03-2004, 01:04 AM	#7
Klynne monkey Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Grand Rapids, MI Posts: 4,543	Drink a 12 pack of beer nightly, and eat McDonalds for breakfast....

06-03-2004, 05:39 AM	#9
Clytie thundering is my favorite Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: motivated to be all i can be Posts: 3,827	celery has negative calories! __________________ your star shaped heart has reached out to me and together our hearts beat as one bound by the rich red that runs coarsing united we stand stronger than before able to face the dark with hands entwined

06-03-2004, 10:45 AM	#10
chuckie egg a peach Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 4,627	While at kungfu last week, I joked about how alcohol had affected my fitness. To which my partner replied "Well, when the drink interferes with the hobby, its time to give up the hobby!!"

06-03-2004, 11:18 AM	#11
ally cunning stunt Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Sunny south of France Posts: 1,170	hmm, yes, well, got to just remind you all that obesity is the highest cause of death in the states & it's going that way in the uk & france too, soooo, eat sensible amounts of decent food (yes, dark chocolate is sensilbe) & do at least 30 mins exercise a day (walking the dog round the block & going up the stairs a few times a day is usually enough), umm; anyway, i'm going to get hate mail for this one i know, oh well, as mothers tend to say "it's for your own good". __________________ Been away for a while (3, 4 years maybe?!). Now an English teach (who still can't spell). Still loving being a mum, best thing ever, so much so that number 2's on it's way (oh & I got married last year!).

06-03-2004, 11:48 AM	#12
dinzdale King of the špatnýs Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: was that dog Posts: 9,411	That's crazy talk

06-03-2004, 12:26 PM	#13
weissenflatz It's just words I write Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Warsaw, Poland Posts: 1,467	I'm going for a walk. See, if there's a Burger King around..

06-04-2004, 10:11 AM	#14
chuckie egg a peach Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 4,627	I NEED PIE!

06-04-2004, 02:47 PM	#15
Avalon Moderator Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: A much better place Posts: 5,931	You burn more calories while sleeping than while watching television. But I don't think the report took into porn into consideration as way to combine both. I am going to study this futher. __________________ I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx

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