ZEFRANK.COM - message board  

Go Back   ZEFRANK.COM - message board > FAST CHAT
FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 06-02-2004, 10:28 PM   #1
priceyfatprude
girthy pickles
 
priceyfatprude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: under your desk
Posts: 9,313
Talking Finally some GOOD diet/exercise advice

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it.
How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ..... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food around!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Now go have a cookie...flour is a veggie!


"If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me."
priceyfatprude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2004, 10:36 PM   #2
agentsmith
rap geisha
 
agentsmith's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: .
Posts: 5,588
BODIES ARE FOR HOOKERS AND FAT PEOPLE
__________________
-----------
"Genesis: First, I'd like to say reality is invisible to the naked eye. You and me both know that life is a real bitch. Doing your best, you say? That's not good enough."
agentsmith is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2004, 11:06 PM   #3
zenbabe
Lollypop!
 
zenbabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: we are all made of stars
Posts: 11,690
You dont need to excercise to increase your heart rate! Just smoke a pack of cig's!!!
__________________
Be yourself, because the people that mind don't matter, and the people that matter don't mind.

-Dr. Seuss
zenbabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2004, 11:18 PM   #4
xfox
slightly effective
 
xfox's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: >>>
Posts: 2,404
Good thing we don't have a problem with the food supply...
xfox is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2004, 12:44 AM   #5
AllegroNg
What I Am Wearing.
 
AllegroNg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Near DC
Posts: 2,574
"If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me."


Omg, PFP, I've never wanted you more!!!
AllegroNg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2004, 12:54 AM   #6
zenbabe
Lollypop!
 
zenbabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: we are all made of stars
Posts: 11,690
You know, you DO burn calories while you are eating!
__________________
Be yourself, because the people that mind don't matter, and the people that matter don't mind.

-Dr. Seuss
zenbabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2004, 01:04 AM   #7
Klynne
monkey
 
Klynne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 4,543
Drink a 12 pack of beer nightly, and eat McDonalds for breakfast....
Klynne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2004, 02:00 AM   #8
zenbabe
Lollypop!
 
zenbabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: we are all made of stars
Posts: 11,690
__________________
Be yourself, because the people that mind don't matter, and the people that matter don't mind.

-Dr. Seuss
zenbabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2004, 05:39 AM   #9
Clytie
thundering is my favorite
 
Clytie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: motivated to be all i can be
Posts: 3,827
celery has negative calories!
__________________
your star shaped heart
has reached out to me
and together our hearts beat as one
bound by the rich red that runs coarsing
united we stand
stronger than before
able to face the dark
with hands entwined
Clytie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2004, 10:45 AM   #10
chuckie egg
a peach
 
chuckie egg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 4,627
While at kungfu last week, I joked about how alcohol had affected my fitness. To which my partner replied "Well, when the drink interferes with the hobby, its time to give up the hobby!!"
chuckie egg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2004, 11:18 AM   #11
ally
cunning stunt
 
ally's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Sunny south of France
Posts: 1,170
hmm, yes, well, got to just remind you all that obesity is the highest cause of death in the states & it's going that way in the uk & france too, soooo, eat sensible amounts of decent food (yes, dark chocolate is sensilbe) & do at least 30 mins exercise a day (walking the dog round the block & going up the stairs a few times a day is usually enough), umm; anyway, i'm going to get hate mail for this one i know, oh well, as mothers tend to say "it's for your own good".
__________________
Been away for a while (3, 4 years maybe?!).
Now an English teach (who still can't spell).
Still loving being a mum, best thing ever, so much so that number 2's on it's way (oh & I got married last year!).
ally is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2004, 11:48 AM   #12
dinzdale
King of the špatnýs
 
dinzdale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: was that dog
Posts: 9,411
That's crazy talk
dinzdale is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2004, 12:26 PM   #13
weissenflatz
It's just words I write
 
weissenflatz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Warsaw, Poland
Posts: 1,467
I'm going for a walk.


See, if there's a Burger King around..
weissenflatz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2004, 10:11 AM   #14
chuckie egg
a peach
 
chuckie egg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 4,627
I NEED PIE!

chuckie egg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2004, 02:47 PM   #15
Avalon
Moderator
 
Avalon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: A much better place
Posts: 5,931
You burn more calories while sleeping than while watching television. But I don't think the report took into porn into consideration as way to combine both. I am going to study this futher.
__________________
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
Avalon is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -3. The time now is 05:41 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.