staying safe - Page 3 - ZEFRANK.COM

Gatsby · 06-02-2004, 04:04 PM

Always wear a bullet-proof vest and football helmet while in public.

Realize that paranoia and hypochondria aren't mental illness, but mere safety precautions.

Coffee · 06-02-2004, 05:54 PM

The 10 Saftey commandments

ONE: 'You shall have no other News Channels before Fox.'

TWO: 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image that appears Liberal or Democratic--any likeness of anything that is intended to promote Enviormental Awareness, or that is defamatory of the Republican administration, or that is critical of the President.'

THREE: 'You shall not take the name of the BUSH your President in vain.'

FOUR: 'Never go out in public without deodorant, Cologne, and several "beauty" aids, or folks will think you are stupid and ugly.
See commercials on Fox Channel for recomended "Safe Beauty Products".'

FIVE: 'Honor your father and your mother, unless they smoke pot...in that case turn them over to the authorities so that they can be punished for not buying FDA approved drugs.'

SIX: 'You shall not murder, however you should carry a gun, as big as possible, at all times since there crazy folks out there carrying guns, and you must be able to defend yourself.'

SEVEN: 'Trust God in all things except your personal saftey, for that, Trust Fox and Republicans. God will take care of everything else for you. If everything else goes to pieces while you are trusting God to take care of it, trust that it is just part of HIS plan and YOU simply do not have enough faith...see next item.'

EIGHT: Prove your faith in God by giving most of your cash and securities to Faith healers, Evangelicals, and Republicans...or else you will go to hell and everything except your personal saftey will fall to pieces.'

NINE: 'Never make eye contact with your neighbors.
Assume that they are all potential psycopaths or terrorists..'

TEN: 'You shall not covet your neighbour's house; you shall not covet your neighbour's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his oil, nor his land, nor anything that is your neighbour's....unless you have reason to suspect them of being terrorists, or you can invent reasons (they don't even have to be plausible) to suspect them of being terrorists.'

Eric Pauker · 06-02-2004, 06:12 PM

Always make sure your zipper is clear before zipping it up. (this is mainly for guys)

06-02-2004, 06:34 PM

I usually try to pass out before anyone talks to me and hope they don't carry me off.

daverbee · 06-02-2004, 06:39 PM

Always walk on flat, level surfaces in comfortable shoes.
If you can't walk on flat, level surfaces in comfortable shoes, never leave the house or get out of bed.

06-02-2004, 06:45 PM

Sometimes I'll throw water at someone that is about to talk to me and then run off.

Coffee · 06-02-2004, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by imdrsmooth
Sometimes I'll throw water at someone that is about to talk to me and then run off.

A saftey gold star for you!!!

Spicy Jack · 06-02-2004, 06:56 PM

don't get piercing done in some guys garage that you don't know.

06-02-2004, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Coffee
A saftey gold star for you!!!

*places it on forehead*

lapietra · 06-02-2004, 08:39 PM

When going to an unfamiliar place, never use the water (in case it's full of nassity microbes...)

Always, *always*, ALWAYS use beer instead - for drinking, bathing, and brushing your teeth. It's especially good for your hair.

bealeblues · 06-02-2004, 08:50 PM

vegas fieldtesting required. i'll be the judge.

Klynne · 06-02-2004, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Coffee
The 10 Saftey commandments

ONE: 'You shall have no other News Channels before Fox.'

TWO: 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image that appears Liberal or Democratic--any likeness of anything that is intended to promote Enviormental Awareness, or that is defamatory of the Republican administration, or that is critical of the President.'

THREE: 'You shall not take the name of the BUSH your President in vain.'

FOUR: 'Never go out in public without deodorant, Cologne, and several "beauty" aids, or folks will think you are stupid and ugly.
See commercials on Fox Channel for recomended "Safe Beauty Products".'

FIVE: 'Honor your father and your mother, unless they smoke pot...in that case turn them over to the authorities so that they can be punished for not buying FDA approved drugs.'

SIX: 'You shall not murder, however you should carry a gun, as big as possible, at all times since there crazy folks out there carrying guns, and you must be able to defend yourself.'

SEVEN: 'Trust God in all things except your personal saftey, for that, Trust Fox and Republicans. God will take care of everything else for you. If everything else goes to pieces while you are trusting God to take care of it, trust that it is just part of HIS plan and YOU simply do not have enough faith...see next item.'

EIGHT: Prove your faith in God by giving most of your cash and securities to Faith healers, Evangelicals, and Republicans...or else you will go to hell and everything except your personal saftey will fall to pieces.'

NINE: 'Never make eye contact with your neighbors.
Assume that they are all potential psycopaths or terrorists..'

TEN: 'You shall not covet your neighbour's house; you shall not covet your neighbour's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his oil, nor his land, nor anything that is your neighbour's....unless you have reason to suspect them of being terrorists, or you can invent reasons (they don't even have to be plausible) to suspect them of being terrorists.'

Klynne · 06-02-2004, 10:39 PM

Never pass out before your friends do. Especially if they have a permanent marker, a razor, shaving cream, vegetables, and a camera.

Hyakujo's Fox · 06-02-2004, 10:42 PM

Never paste a gold safety star on your forehead. Passing birds may swoop down and peck at it.

agentsmith · 06-02-2004, 10:42 PM

if anyone approaches me, i like to take out my chainsaw and jam it in their face, a friendly reminder that by saying hello they will be deemed dangerous and hostile, and will therefore be eliminated.

06-02-2004, 08:39 PM	#40
lapietra half baked Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: just ducky Posts: 12,078	When going to an unfamiliar place, never use the water (in case it's full of nassity microbes...) Always, always, ALWAYS use beer instead - for drinking, bathing, and brushing your teeth. It's especially good for your hair. __________________ “As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.” ~ Mel Brooks

06-02-2004, 08:50 PM	#41
bealeblues where's my salt? Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: finally writing Posts: 6,929	vegas fieldtesting required. i'll be the judge. __________________ still jackasinine, make no mistake

06-02-2004, 10:42 PM	#45
agentsmith rap geisha Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: . Posts: 5,588	if anyone approaches me, i like to take out my chainsaw and jam it in their face, a friendly reminder that by saying hello they will be deemed dangerous and hostile, and will therefore be eliminated. __________________ ----------- "Genesis: First, I'd like to say reality is invisible to the naked eye. You and me both know that life is a real bitch. Doing your best, you say? That's not good enough."

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06-02-2004, 04:04 PM	#31
Gatsby I used to be a girl Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 2,152	Always wear a bullet-proof vest and football helmet while in public. Realize that paranoia and hypochondria aren't mental illness, but mere safety precautions.

06-02-2004, 05:54 PM	#32
Coffee Cheeses Save Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Floating Posts: 9,204	The 10 Saftey commandments ONE: 'You shall have no other News Channels before Fox.' TWO: 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image that appears Liberal or Democratic--any likeness of anything that is intended to promote Enviormental Awareness, or that is defamatory of the Republican administration, or that is critical of the President.' THREE: 'You shall not take the name of the BUSH your President in vain.' FOUR: 'Never go out in public without deodorant, Cologne, and several "beauty" aids, or folks will think you are stupid and ugly. See commercials on Fox Channel for recomended "Safe Beauty Products".' FIVE: 'Honor your father and your mother, unless they smoke pot...in that case turn them over to the authorities so that they can be punished for not buying FDA approved drugs.' SIX: 'You shall not murder, however you should carry a gun, as big as possible, at all times since there crazy folks out there carrying guns, and you must be able to defend yourself.' SEVEN: 'Trust God in all things except your personal saftey, for that, Trust Fox and Republicans. God will take care of everything else for you. If everything else goes to pieces while you are trusting God to take care of it, trust that it is just part of HIS plan and YOU simply do not have enough faith...see next item.' EIGHT: Prove your faith in God by giving most of your cash and securities to Faith healers, Evangelicals, and Republicans...or else you will go to hell and everything except your personal saftey will fall to pieces.' NINE: 'Never make eye contact with your neighbors. Assume that they are all potential psycopaths or terrorists..' TEN: 'You shall not covet your neighbour's house; you shall not covet your neighbour's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his oil, nor his land, nor anything that is your neighbour's....unless you have reason to suspect them of being terrorists, or you can invent reasons (they don't even have to be plausible) to suspect them of being terrorists.'

06-02-2004, 06:12 PM	#33
Eric Pauker Registered User Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 50	Always make sure your zipper is clear before zipping it up. (this is mainly for guys)

06-02-2004, 06:34 PM	#34
imdrsmooth Posts: n/a	I usually try to pass out before anyone talks to me and hope they don't carry me off.

06-02-2004, 06:39 PM	#35
daverbee Key Lime Pie rocks!!! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Oh, yeah! Posts: 7,695	Always walk on flat, level surfaces in comfortable shoes. If you can't walk on flat, level surfaces in comfortable shoes, never leave the house or get out of bed.

06-02-2004, 06:45 PM	#36
imdrsmooth Posts: n/a	Sometimes I'll throw water at someone that is about to talk to me and then run off.

06-02-2004, 06:56 PM	#38
Spicy Jack Brains! Brains! Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: behind you Posts: 4,535	don't get piercing done in some guys garage that you don't know.

06-02-2004, 10:39 PM	#43
Klynne monkey Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Grand Rapids, MI Posts: 4,543	Never pass out before your friends do. Especially if they have a permanent marker, a razor, shaving cream, vegetables, and a camera.

06-02-2004, 10:42 PM	#44
Hyakujo's Fox left hanging Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: between the click of the light and the start of the dream Posts: 10,071	Never paste a gold safety star on your forehead. Passing birds may swoop down and peck at it.