|11-08-2004, 08:12 PM||#1|
King of the patnýs
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: was that dog
Star Date 126.96.36.199
Mr Spock suggested the word of the day as Jugs, which seemed a little out of character.
Capt. James T Kirk: Spock? You want the word of the day to be "Jugs".
1st Officer Spock: Yes Captain (raised eyebrow)
K: Isnt that "illogical" Mr Spock?
S: Certainly not, Captain. It's the start of the Vulcan Month of reproduction where anything can happen, especailly sexually, and I dont have much time to consider the consequences. In fact I'm getting a bit of a stiffy right now.
K: Bones? What do you know of Vulcan mating season?
Mediacl Officer McCoy: It's not fully documented Jim, but I think we have to get him to a space brothel right away. He could blow his custard at any time.
K: Is that bad Bones...I mean everyone has a polish now and agai..
McC: Jim! If he pops his load the Enterprise will be completely sprayed with Vulcan jizz!
K: OK, Mr Sulu set course for Rigel 69. Bones help me get Spock down to sick bay.
McC: Someone'll have to distract him Jim, I'm not getting near his alien whanger when it's like that (points at tent in Spocks uniform)
K: Uhura, pop your baps in his face while I get Scotty to help us get him beamed off somewhere.
Lt Uhura: Captain, you want me to expose my brown puppies in his face?
K: That's it, get the funbags out Uhura.
U: Okay......ziiiiiiiip ...*thump, thump*
K: I agree Bones, but we havent got time...Uhura, get your knockers round his pointy ears, quick.
1st Engineer Scott: Wha's goan on heer the noo Captain? Nice rack Uhura...
McC : Scotty, we have to get Spock to a safe area, before he blows his space load...
K: He's under the spell of Uhura's jubblies, get him to the transporter room...
S: He's not wantin tae go Captain, I dinna know if I can hold him, I think he's gonna blow....
TO BE CONTINUED...
|11-11-2004, 08:18 PM||#2|
Key Lime Pie rocks!!!
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Oh, yeah!
Kirk: No, Scotty. I've known Spock a long time and he doesn't swing that way. He is in danger of exploding, though, so get him down to the Transporter Room ASAP!
Scott: Aye, Captain! Doo ya think yae could help me reach tha buttons on tha elevator?
Kirk: Mr. Sulu, accompany Scott to the Transporter Room! And push those buttons!
Sulu: Right away, Captain! I think you should be made aware, Captain, that Mr. Spock has now swollen to a size much too large to fit into the elevator.
Kirk: Scotty, can we beam him directly into a safe place from the Bridge?
Scott: I canna answer that, Captain, he's swollen so big I canna get aroond him!
Kirk: Red Alert! All hands prepare for catastrophic internal explosion.
(to be continued)
|11-11-2004, 10:15 PM||#3|
Join Date: Oct 2003
Kirk: Scotty, I want a level one ccontainment field around Spock now.
Mr. Scott: I canna do it in less then an 'ouoor cap'n.
Kirk: I said NOW Scotty.
Mr. Scot: Aye cap'n, I canna get to enginering, but Iya'll see what I canna dooo from the engineering station here on the bridge.
Kirk: Divert energy from engines and weapons to Sturctural Integrity.
Ensign Rand: Ay ay Captain.
Kirk: On second thought, Rand, I want your uniform top off and get your jugs over there and help Uhuru distract Spock.
Rand: Yes Captain, any thing for you sir, Anything *wink*...*Zipppp*.
Kirk: Sulu, you divert energy to structural integrity...and divert energy from life support as well.
Sulu: Life support Captain?!
Kirk: If the ship blows apart life support will be the least of our troubles....divert energy from your damn watch batteries if you have to.
Sulu: Can't I help Ensign Rand take off her...err...nevermind. Diverting energy Captain.
Mr. Checkov: (in an aside to Sulu) Do you thvink ve're goona mek it out oov this fix Sulu?
Sulu: The Captain has gotten us out of tighter spots than this Pavel...don't worry....we'll make it. *Sulu works on energy panel instinctively while checking out Rand's jugs*
Kirk: I said divert energy, not your attention Mr. Sulu.
Sulu: Ay ay captain, mumble mumble he's certainly checking out Rand's mumble mumble.
Checkov: heh heh heh. (in an aside to Sulu) Rand does haas nice hootervs.
Dr. McCoy: My God Jim, Spock's green blooded Vulcan torpedo has swelled to fill the whole damn corridor. Scotty, Uhuru, Rand and I are trapped...And might I say, Helloooo Ensign Rand, so nice to See your jugs...How would you like to play "country doctor"...you look like you could use a check up my de....
Scotty: I canna get to the engineering station to wurk on that coontainmen feel' Cap'n.
Kirk: OMG, what are we going to do??? Someone save us. Ayiiieeeeee.
Sulu: Uh oh Pavel, hold your breath, this could get ugly.
Chekov: I doon't vant to die!!! Not dis vay!!!
Mr Spock: Unnnh...Unnnnnhhh...UNNNNNNHHHH....
(to be continued)
|Display Modes||Rate This Thread|