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Old 03-29-2006, 11:11 PM   #121
Avalon
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While shaving the priest's donkey, Chuck Norris accidently nicked him with the razor; to remind him to be more careful, the priest handed him the chunk of flesh.

The headline read:

CHUCK NORRIS GETS PIECE OF ASS FROM PRIEST.
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Old 03-30-2006, 12:41 AM   #122
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Old 03-30-2006, 01:33 AM   #123
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Chuck Norris feels bad about the abuse of the priest's donkey. He decides to buy it a pair of shoes, to show his love & appreciation for the animal. As he is shoeing the donkey, a reporter comes by & sees what is going on. The headline in the paper the next day reads:

CHUCK NORRIS CAUGHT POUNDING PRIEST'S ASS
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Old 03-30-2006, 06:49 PM   #124
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Norris proposed a festival in the town square, and organized a donkey race (owing to how popular they were earlier in this thread). He got the priest to enter his donkey, and despite the probability that the track would still be quite muddy from all the recent rain, he bragged that he could win against him, and said that a plan of this sort would do wonders to make the townspeople happy after such a long spell of depressing weather.

Headline:

CHUCK NORRIS' VOW TO LICK PRIEST'S FILTHY ASS IN PUBLIC IS PART OF GAY AGENDA.
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Old 03-30-2006, 07:22 PM   #125
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I have no idea what happened but the paper said

CHUCK NORRIS CAUGHT WITH HIS WILLY UP ANOTHER BLOKE'S BUMHOLE
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Old 03-31-2006, 03:29 PM   #126
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Some -- body ... stop... me.... I... can't ... help ... myself...

-----
One of the members of the priest's congregation renounced his faith in the Lord, and Norris thought that if he made the wayward congregant spend time with the priest's wonderful donkey, he would see the beauty of God's work. The donkey wasn't terribly fond of strangers, but Norris insisted on his plan, and the priest relented.

Headline:

CHUCK NORRIS STICKS PRIEST'S ASS WITH HIS UNGODLY MEMBER.
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Old 03-31-2006, 03:57 PM   #127
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The pastor's donkey went into another depressive cycle, this one so bad that the pastor really thought this was it for the donkey. After combing yet again through the research he discovered the new and controversial discipline of thought field therapy, which treatment consists of tapping various parts of the body to rebalance its natural energy system. Upon arrival, the therapist saw that the case was indeed serious, so much so that the tapping required the advanced velocity of Chuck Norris' karate prowess. The entire psychiatric community wanted to watch the treatment session, but at the last minute the power went off. Because the session was taking place in the barn with hay all around, the pastor decreed that no open flames could be used to illuminate the treatment for the gathered psychotherapists.

Headline:

PRIEST DECLARES THAT NOTHING CAN HOLD A CANDLE TO CHUCK NORRIS KICKING HIS ASS
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Last edited by funkytuba : 03-31-2006 at 04:08 PM.
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Old 03-31-2006, 04:32 PM   #128
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Norris planned a surprise birthday party for a friend, and he proposed that the priest bring his donkey, who was so gentle and loving and was so playful that he would be a big hit with the other guests. "The party starts at midnight," he told the priest, "and remember it's a surprise, so don't tell!"

Headline:

CHUCK NORRIS WANTS PRIEST'S SWEET ASS FOR UNSPEAKABLE LATE-NIGHT PARTY GAMES.
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Old 03-31-2006, 05:30 PM   #129
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There was another fundraiser that Easter, and Chuck Norris, always keen to make a contribution, phoned the priest to see if there was any way he could help out. The priest suggested Chuck could bring his donkey along for the day, and the children could have rides around the fairground for a dollar a turn, or alternatively, they were still looking for someone to run the bakery stall, if Chuck was interested. Chuck immediately said he would be delighted to do both. Come the day of the Easter fair, the priest decided it would a great marketing stunt if he rode the donkey into the fairground, and after brushing aside the Archbishop's qualms regarding the dubious theological symbolism, he made a grand entrance into the fairground atop the donkey. As he passed Chuck's bakery stall, the priest thought he saw a cross-promotional opportunity, and privately chuckling to himself at his little pun, reached down and grabbed one of the hot cross buns that Chuck had baked especially for the occasion, took a bite, and heartily recommended them to the cheering crowd.

Headline: PRIEST COMES ON CHUCK NORRIS' ASS, SAYS CHUCK'S HOT BUNS 'TOTALLY SCRUMPTIOUS AND IMPOSSIBLE TO RESIST'.
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Old 03-31-2006, 07:44 PM   #130
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This thread reminds me of an adage that a friend of mine used to always say: "If you're going to do something, you might as well go too far."

---

Norris wandered around the fairground with his donkey and came across a food concession where a young man was selling popcorn balls, and as Norris perused the treats on the table the lad, enchanted by the donkey's big brown eyes, patted the beast's muzzle. Norris chose two particularly tasty looking snacks but, realizing he was late for an appointment, snatched his purchases from the table and hurried away.

NORRIS GRABS THE BALLS OF BOY WHO PATTED HIS ASS.
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Old 03-31-2006, 08:55 PM   #131
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Chuck got a little bored with martial arts, and decided to open a confectionery. Since his muse was the donkey, he figured a fitting tribute would be to build a life-sized edible replica of it using delicately tinted marzipan. Chuck invited the townsfolk to see the priest take the first bite of his creation in an opening day blessing ceremony.

Headline:

TOWN GATHERS TO WATCH AS PRIEST NIBBLES CHUCK NORRIS' SWEET ASS
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Old 03-31-2006, 09:09 PM   #132
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The priest was especially pleased that the treat was made from marzipan, because almonds were his favorite snack.

Headline:

CHUCK'S ASS IS SWEET, BUT PRIEST REALLY LOVES EATING HIS NUTS.
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Last edited by Smartypants : 03-31-2006 at 09:12 PM.
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Old 03-31-2006, 11:26 PM   #133
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The priest, so pleased with chucks marzipans, decided to buy over the confectionary. Chuck was so distraught over this transaction that even his mule could feel his pain.

Headline:

PRIEST BUYS OVER CHUCK'S NUTS; NUT-LESS CHUCK'S ASS IN PAIN.

Last edited by Thinker Pad : 03-31-2006 at 11:29 PM.
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Old 04-01-2006, 12:02 AM   #134
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The priest presents his new friend Chuck with a gift of a pet boa constrictor, unaware that despite the actor's macho public image he is mortally afraid of snakes. When Norris sees the reptile, he goes berserk, stomping the poor thing with his boot and half blinding him. The priest rushes to the poor injured animal and calms him by cradling it in his arms and singing "The Church in the Wildwoods."

Headline:

PRIEST TAMES CHUCK NORRIS'S ONE-EYED SNAKE.
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Old 04-01-2006, 12:15 AM   #135
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Enraged that Chuck has wounded his pet, the priest decided, while still singing to the snake, that Chuck CANNOT have this snake. He tells Chuck that he is taking it back. He continues singing to the snake, and the snake slithers up his pants leg....it twirls around his leg, and out the zipper in the front of his pants, Chuck's donkey starts singing to the snake, to calm him, and the snake is swaying with the music.

Headline:

CHUCK NORRIS' ASS CHARMS PRIEST"S ONE EYED TROUSER SNAKE
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