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Old 11-23-2004, 10:27 AM   #1
madasacutsnake
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it's a donkey

From Daver:

A priest wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as
well go ahead and enter it in the races.

To his surprise, the donkey came in third.
The next day the local paper carried this headline:
PRIEST'S ASS SHOWS.

The priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.
The local paper read:
PRIEST'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the priest not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST'S ASS.

The bishop had a fit and ordered the priest to get rid of the donkey. The priest decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following
headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars. The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.


Now add your own. I'll start.


This was too much for the nun so she went back out to the plains and tried to recapture the donkey. But the odnkey was too quick for her and the farmer had to help.
The next day the headlines read:
FARMER GRABS NUN'S ASS
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Old 11-23-2004, 12:21 PM   #2
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The farmer asked one of assistants to return the ass to the nun, but he never showed up at the convent.

The headline read:
FARMER'S HAND PINCHES NUN'S ASS
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Old 11-23-2004, 01:26 PM   #3
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Later on it turns out that the farmhand didn't steal the donkey but rather turned it loose and it was found later by the side of the road.

Headline:
NUN'S ASS FOUND IN GUTTER
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Old 11-23-2004, 08:44 PM   #4
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They took it to the local Humane Society when the nun refused to accept the donkey back.
Headline read:
NUN'S ASS UP FOR ADOPTION.
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Old 11-23-2004, 09:01 PM   #5
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The priest thought he could use a donkey, so he went to the Humane Society and adopted it. A couple had brought their kids in to look at the dogs and cats, and they watched the priest sign the adoption and release papers.

Headline:

KIDS WITNESS PRIEST CHECKING OUT NUN'S ASS.
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Old 11-23-2004, 09:57 PM   #6
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After seeing how excited the children were after seeing the donkey he decided a more appropriate way to raise money for the church would be to open up a petting zoo.
Headline:

PARENTS PAY FOR CHILDREN TO PET PRIEST'S ASS
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Old 11-23-2004, 10:44 PM   #7
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But for old time's sake he decided to enter the donkey for one last race. After it ran so well the first time many commentators thought it should win this time.

Sports Page Headline:
PRIEST'S ASS WILL TAKE SOME BEATING
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Old 11-23-2004, 11:22 PM   #8
madasacutsnake
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The donkey wins the race in a photo finish.

The headline read:
PRIEST'S ASS BARELY TAKES IT
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Old 11-23-2004, 11:34 PM   #9
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After the race, the donkey collapsed. The vet was called and proceeded to pull out his gun.

The headline read:
VET ALMOST SHOOTS UP PRIEST'S ASS
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Old 11-24-2004, 12:02 AM   #10
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Thankfully the vet was stopped by the animal control officer who, along with the mayor, said they didn't mind if the donkey was allowed to roam.

Headlines read:
LOCAL OFFICIALS HEARTILY APPROVE OF PRIEST'S ASS
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Old 11-24-2004, 12:16 AM   #11
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However, it seemed that the donkey's leg was broken. The vet ordered that the donkey be suspended in a flotation tank to allow the leg to heal. Coincidentally, a week later, the priest also broke his leg. The doctor was so impressed with the way the tank had helped the donkey that he ordered the same treatment.

The headline read:
PRIEST HUNG LIKE DONKEY


sorry
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Old 11-24-2004, 12:23 AM   #12
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So the priest and the donkey went home but wanderlust still lurked in the donkey's soul so he hit the road. He wandered up a mountain to the place where the giants live. Now these giants were a gentle sort and their leader knew the donkey needed to be returned so he picked up the donkey, carried it down the mountain with his three-member giant posse and gave it to the priest, who, while not a giant, was rather beefy himself.

Headlines read:
PADRE GETS HIS OWN ASS HANDED TO HIM BY GIANTS - 4-1
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Old 11-24-2004, 12:28 AM   #13
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The donkey's wanderlust continued. Despite being locked up the donkey made an escape with the priest in hot pursuit. However it took quite a while to capture.

Headline:
DESPERATE PRIEST CHASES ASS ALL OVER TOWN.
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Old 11-24-2004, 12:44 AM   #14
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After the donkey's recent win at the races, the owner's of a nearby stud farm announced they thought the donkey could be used to sire a new line of thoroughbred racing donkeys.

Headline:
LOCAL STUD WANTS PRIEST'S ASS
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Old 11-24-2004, 12:53 AM   #15
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The priest however had other ideas. He had seen a great looking donkey with thoroughbred lines owned by a local lad.

Headline:
PRIEST WANTS SCHOOLBOY'S ASS
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