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Old 12-03-2004, 12:41 AM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 1
You Know You're From New York City When...

You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.

You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.

You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but canít find Wisconsin on a map.

Hookers and the homeless are invisible.

The subway makes sense.

You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple".

The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.

You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.

You consider Westchester "upstate".

You think Central Park is "nature."

You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer's speaking.

You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."

You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.

You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.S. pay in rent.

You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.

You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.

Your closet is filled with black clothes.

You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when you did, it terrified you.

You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.

You take fashion seriously.

Being truly alone makes you nervous.

You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.

Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."

America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.

You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form.

You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.

Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.

$50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.

You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.

You don't notice sirens anymore.

You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.

Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.

You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.

You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills.

You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.

Your door has more than three locks.

Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.

You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

You run when you see a flashing "Do Not Walk" sign at the intersection.

You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.

You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.

You're willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the rent.

There is no North and South. It's uptown or downtown.

When you're away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels.

You know the differences between all the different Ray's Pizzas.

You're not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.

Your internal clock is permanently set to know when Alternate Side of the Street parking regulations are in effect.

You know what a bodega is.

You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can read it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger's hats.

Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.....

You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas

Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from NYC.

try your own:

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Old 12-03-2004, 06:39 PM   #2
Spicy Jack
Brains! Brains!
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: behind you
Posts: 4,535

You're sitting in traffic for at least an hour at any given part of the day

You go to the beach and see that real lifeguards actually do look like the lifeguards from Baywatch

You see purple and gold and the word "Threepeat" on every corner

You begin to "lie" to your friends about where you are (i.e. "Yeah I'm like 20 minutes away") - when you know that it'll take you at least an hour to get there).

You know it's best not to be on the 405 at 4:05 pm.

Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".

You've got to bring the cat/plants in when it drops to 55 degrees.

In the "winter", you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.

You know what "sigalert", "PCH", and "the five" mean.

If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.

Your TV show is interrupted by a police chase.
When tourists ask where they can get souvenirs, you direct them to Venice Beach.

You know someone named Freedom, Rainbow, Persephone or Destiny.

You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.
You think that Venice is a beach.

Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.

You think Manhattan is a beach.

You eat pineapple on pizza.

You've been to Disneyland more times than Downtown.

When giving directions , you follow up with the phrase: "With/Without traffic."

You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An "818" would never date a "562" and anyone from "323" or "213" is ghetto/second class. Best area code: "310."

Your cell phone has left a permanant impression on the side of your head.

Everyone you know has 3+ phone numbers. Home, Office, mobile, pager, two-way, voicemail.....

You are awakened in the middle of the night by a moderate earthquake. Your reply: "That ain't even a 5-pointer" and go back to sleep.

You think you are better than the people who live "Over the Hill". It don't matter which side of the hill you are currently residing, you are just better than them, for whatever reason.

You live 10 miles from work. It takes you 60 minutes to get home.

Walking out of Jamba Juice, you see that a movie is being shot on-location across the street.

You are not happy, or even slightly exited that there may be a movie star there. You just say, " They f*ckin better not be blocking my parking space."
You go to Las Vegas for a weekend getaway and the whole trip cost you $50.

You personally know at least 5 people with agents.

You personally know at least 3 people who have been in a movie or TV show.

You know what In N Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any.

You know that not everyone in Beverly Hills is a millionaire.

You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is.

You've gotten parking tickets from parking in the red zone in front of your house.

You say you live in LA when really you live in a subsection of a subsection of a subsection of southern LA.

You really can never be too rich or too thin.

It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH '99"

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Los Angeles.
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Old 12-03-2004, 08:09 PM   #3
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: on the go
Posts: 3,657
Two-thirds of the people you know are from California, yet there is no sun.

You can list five reasons why Starbucks is evil.

You blame everything that's not right on ex-Californians.

You remember the date, severity, time of day, where you were, and how long you were out of power for every winter weather event for the last five years.

You know what and when the Columbus Day storm was. Bonus for having been there.

You go to a coffee bar and see two guys get into a fight over who makes the best India Pale Ale.

You own more than 10 articles of clothing that have microbreweries/brewpubs printed on them. Bonus for embroidered stuff.

You can go a whole week without seeing the sun or a person of color.

You have a bookstore, coffee bar, and brewpub all within walking distance of your house.

You think downtown is scary 'cause you were panhandled there ... once.

When you drive out of town, every other guy in a pickup looks like the governor.

When you drive out of town, even the Hondas have gun racks.

When the weather gets above 50 degrees you put on your shorts, but you still wear hiking boots and your parka.

When the weather gets above 60 you replace your hiking boots with sandals.

You think people who use umbrellas are wimps.

You can recount more than five anecdotes about why the East Side is a crime-infested jungle
... OR ...
You can list more than five reasons why the West Side is a boring, snobby, white-bread suburb.

You know what it is in between the East Side and the West Side, and how to pronounce it.

You are sitting at a red light surrounded by Subaru Legacy Outbacks.

A tree or mudslide has ever damaged your house or car.

You live equidistant to a symphony hall, a winery, and a volcano.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Portland, OR.
"Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion."
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Old 12-03-2004, 10:43 PM   #4
I used to be a girl
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,152

You say ya'll, you'uns, and fixin' to.

OU/Texas is a BIG deal.

Tornado watches are not a big deal.

When you drive through a neighborhood anyone out walking will smile and wave at you.

You've worn flip flops in December

You have stopped to let a family of deer cross the road.

You know who your neighbors are, how many children they have, and when one of them gets married or graduates.

There are at least 2 to 3 Sonics, McDonalds, Pizza Huts, and Steak n' Eggs in your town

You've been "muddin'"

Everyone you know was born, raised and still lives in the same town.

At holiday dinners, you serve ham, turkey, steak AND venison ... and it's all been raised and/or killed by a family member.

You know that Miami, Oklahoma and Miami, Florida are pronounced two different ways.

You plan events around football games.

Rodeo was an extracurricular activity at your school.

A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

You can properly pronounce Eufaula, Gotebo, Okemah, Tecumseh, Tahlequah, Wewoka and Chickasha.

You can remember the name of the last state legislator to introduce a bill involving castration, and he didn't mean farm animals.

You have been to a calf fry, and eaten calf fries, even though you know what they are.

You think that people who complain about the wind in other states are sissies.

Having a "side of beef" in the deep freeze doesn't mean a side-dish portion. It means one side of an entire cow.

It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.

You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.

A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

It doesn't seem odd to see the term "chicken fried chicken" on a menu.

You save all your life for your dream vacation, and use it to go to Bedlam.

It doesn't seem peculiar if your sweetie says "I'm going in to town for something" even though you live in town.

You don't turn on the news until 20 minutes past the hour, because that's the only thing you care about anyway is the weather.

Your quarterback is hurt and it is the top story on the six o'clock news.

You keep track of the grain and hog futures on the radio.

You don't buy your vegetables at the grocery store.

You go to the State Fair to see your kids' show animals.

You get up at 5:30 A.M. and go to the coffee shop, where the waitress never asks what you would like. She already knows.

You are on a first name basis with the county sheriff.

You know what the "Sea of Red and White" is.

You think that using the elevator involves a corn truck.

You can drive 80 mph on a two-lane dirt road with one hand, but driving 45 mph on a four-lane expressway in a city scares you to death.

You use manure on your grass instead of Miracle-Gro.

Your nearest neighbor is in the next zip code.

You know the difference between fee corn and sweet corn... while it's still on the stalk.

You wear cowboy boots to church.

You know that everything goes better with Ranch dressing.

You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

"You wanna Coke?"
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper."

You know what "Orange Power" and "Crimson & Cream" means.

Weather changes of +/- 30 degrees in two hours are totally normal.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Oklahoma.

Last edited by Gatsby : 12-03-2004 at 10:46 PM.
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Old 12-04-2004, 02:06 PM   #5
WhY sO SiRiUs?
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Ta uoy erehw
Posts: 1,120
Upstate NY (Albany, really)...

You refer to downtown Albany as "The City." (I have to dispute this one. When I refer to "The City", I'm always speaking of NYC. Also, there's a big misconception that a good portion of the rest of the country has w/NY. I've mentioned to some out-of-staters that I live in NY, and it's immediately assumed that I mean NYC. Go figure!)

"Vacation" means going to Lake Ontario or Niagra for the weekend.

There is a mini-mall every 1/4 mile, if not, you are in Vermont.

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Hannaford at any given time.

You know to avoid tractor trailers (or cars for that matter!) on the Northway with Canadian plates.

You don't consider what Domino's or Pizza Hut sell as pizza.

You know that "First Night" isn't a Sean Connery movie.

There is no such thing as waiting for the left turn arrow at an intersection.

Your career ambition is to work for NY State.

Even with the slightest threat of snow, you know that Ichobob Crane schools are closed.

You think everyone from down-state has an accent.

Down-State starts just south of the Thruway.

You're in line to get the first custard cone when summer comes.


"If there is a bedrock principle of the First Amendment, it is that the government may not prohibit the expression of an idea simply because society finds the idea itself offensive or disagreeable."

-- Justice William J. Brennan
(1906-1997) U. S. Supreme Court Justice
Source: Texas vs. Johnson, 1989


Illegitimi non carborundum...


Whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger. - Heath Ledger
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Old 12-04-2004, 04:49 PM   #6
Destroyer of soups
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Tucson, Az
Posts: 93

You know you're in Arizona when.......

1. You've signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can't

remember the name of the current one.

2. You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

3. You can say "Hohokam" and people don't think you're laughing funny.

4. You no longer associate bridges(or rivers) with water.

5. You see more irrigation water on the street than you do in the

Salt River.

6. You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.

7. You can say 115 degrees without fainting.

8. You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over

100 degrees.

9. You have to go to a fake beach for fake waves.

10. You discover in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive your


11. You can make sun tea instantly.

12. You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can

use your fireplace.

13. You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead

of distance.

14. You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.

15. Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.

16. You can (correctly) pronounce the words "Saguaro". "Tempe", "Gila

Bend", "San Xavier", "Canyon de Chelly", "Mogollon Rim", "Cholla", and "Talaquepaque".

17. It's noon in July , and the kids are on summer vacation, and not

one person is moving on the streets.

18. You actually burn your hand opening the door.

19. Sun screen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout


20. A Formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go

to Circle K.

21. Some fool can market "mini-misters" for joggers and some other

fools will actually buy them.

22. Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter

than the air inside.

23. No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.
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