HAIKUS FOR A NEWLY NEUTERED DOG (warning explicit text)
(to participate send haikus to ze@zefrank.com)

My two sweet playthings,
taken, without my consent,
nothing to lick now.

- Snikt

The wizards wrench,
with frugal portatio.
Horrid, this obal quiver!

- weissenflatz
What the??!!??i mean REALLY!!! Why MEEEEE?Cum on give em' back it's not funny anymore..

- lilribbit

First you picked me up
I licked your nose, we were friends
Then you took my balls

- scherrah

I see the other
dog licking his bollocks and
I weep. Cos I can't.

- Sam
My bollocks were
there, now they
are not.

- Sam
Used to play dead or sit
Used to roll right over
Used to bring you lots of joy
Used to go by “Rover”
Used to let you pet me all day
Underneath the wheeping willow
Used to eat your table scraps
Used to be your pillow
Used to be your chick magnet
Used to respond to your calls
Used to fetch for you your frisbee

- Steve Brim
I coulda been somethn’
Eye-a the tiger, a Contender!
But now… I am nothing
Cause you let ‘em remap my gender
There was this dame before I was sniff’n out
Mona lisa of all the bitches
But she ain’t got it for me no more
Cause she’s seen me with these stitches
Oh Great! and your lovely cat
For her it’s Fancy Feast
Now I smell like betadine
And she smells like tuna-n-yeast
what’s so great about her, I can do lot’s-a stuff
She’s just a dumb cat
took off like a bottle rocket after scratching you to ribbons
While I played dead and sat
Rolled over, fetched, and humped your leg
Made it with honors through doggy school
Best Friend Status two years straight
numerous beatings for misplacing stools, yet
I always come running wagging my tail
To your “Here Pup! Here Puppy!” calls
No, I just don’t understand why, you cold cruel man
You let them take my balls!
- Steve Brim
The last straw it was
I humped one leg too many
Now I just chew shoes

I lie here prostrate
Elizabethan collar
makes my whines echo

Had my eye on her
French poodle across the street
Can't remember why

Cat makes fun of me
pawing at my plastic cone
I growl back, as if

There once was a puppy named Harry
who met with a fate oh so scary
The vet was so cruel
He snipped off Harry's jewels
And left the poor dog sedentary

My… my manhood, it’ gone.
Oh my Dog! It’s frickin’ gone!
No longer a dog.
Me a dog? No. Not.
I might as well be a cat.
Me a dog? No. Cat.

- Chloe
why did you hurt me
when did I ever hurt you
I have no balls now

-Lucky Inu
For Fuck Sake !!!
Why did you have to go and
cut my fucking nuts off ?!?!
- Al
Only have three legs
You cut off my balls also
Fuck you all to hell

- Matthew
Whoa!  Where are my nuts?
Here one minute, gone the next.
You dog ball snatcher!!!

-Red Rocket
Memory still foggy--
Car ride;  vet; deep sleep;  now pain.
What's this 'round my neck?

So I humped your leg.
It's my duty as a dog.
A bit drastic, no?

Tell me it ain't so.
I thought I was "man's best friend"..
Better hide your shoes...

- dave
Mans best friend my nuts
oh ya......

- Le Fat Cat
So young and naieve
You helped to instill in me
Safe sex awareness

- kathryn
gone for peace lift a leg vacant eyes
at home is my and leave a scent and placid looks
stitchuation eunuch for what is gone at vacant thighs
and what is spent

- jim

Dog satellite dish
Does not get good reception
He runs after cats


My balls once dangled
Proudly below my butthole
But now they are gone

- robert
What hurts the most is
Betrayal of my Master
oh my aching balls

Here I lay wistful
Dreaming of a life before
Awaiting release

- Keith
what was is no more
flaccid skin hanging from
minimalist crotch

- Mymble

It is the first walk since the surgery
and he is eager, sniffing the soiled snow,
tail up, ears out. The legless man slows
his wheelchair at the corner by the Arms
of Mercy but will he mildly accept the pat
on the head, no, he is still the feisty, scrappy
stray, yapping, snapping, furiously digging
dead leaves into the street. I apologize, pull
the leash across the street, now alarming
a paranoid schizophrenic, turning, eyes
down, talking to no one. Even the boys
in baseball caps waiting for the bus don’t
feel safe. They do a little dance around his nose.

- Kelley

balking at the door
of the animal hospital–
canine castration

- Kelley
It is curious    
the vet has taken my balls
but still have lipstick

-Nancy Gooddogz
They gave me a shot
Then they cut off my being
I'm NOT man's best friend

- Scottro
Something is missing.
Master what have you done me?
Oh! Say it's not so.

Able was I ere I
was unsacked, betrayed, and cut.
Evil heart to do this.

My bollocks now are
on a plate. Nevermore glad
will I masterbate.

Robbed of potential
while still an unweaned puppy.
Soul ache shall ensue.

- david

my nuts were big
my nuts were bold
I'd hump on anyone
young or old

now my nuts are gone
they took them away
a flick of the knife
no more rolls in the hay

the girls they all know me
and they all know the score
'I know, you want puppies'
it just ain't like it was before

the alpha males hold their heads up high
man, they're really where it's at
this whole deal is really messed up
I may as well be a cat

- rick

now the bitches don't give me a second look,
you emptied the change out of my pocket book.

- jeri

Male or female oh what might I be,
I think I shall just squat
whenever I pee.

- J

Man's best friend has changed
No more getting busy Spot
Hope you like to fetch

- David Trzos

sixty-six percent
or so suddenly bye bye
but the last third - whoa!

a most handsome bitch
sniffed afer me yesterday
she loves nutlessness

i'd breed if i could
blanks, though fun, don't do no good
but i still gets wood


Gone are his nuts
I miss them as I do my mullet
Fly, thunderbird, fly

- Andy
balls balls balls balls balls
balls balls balls balls balls balls balls balls
balls balls balls balls balls

Since recovery
He grows fatter and more calm.
The pond without breeze.

Dangerous urges
No longer disturb the mind.
Petals under dew.

Happy and Healthy.
All guys do the same.

- Matthew
Neutered I may be,
They should have taken my teeth.
Revenge will be sweet...
- silver
ball-less I may be
but less unwanted pups
dying in shelters
pleases me!
All dogs ball-less
should get
so no pups die
& less I will fret!

- Kathy D-NJ
master says its best
less chance for prostate cancer
when i am older
- bert
Alass my poor ball sack,
You are no longer apart of me.
What times we shared,
What times we would still have.
No more to lick,
No more to slap.
Oh my jewels you no longer belong,
But the doctors took instead.
Oh master my master,
This you have allowed to happen.
My friend,
Were you jealous of him?
The world I saw limitless,
Now confinded to within the scope of this cone.
A reason to live seems pointless,
But you keep me around.
Alass my poor ball sack,
I hardly knew ye...
- Frost
they make small pouches
out of kangaroo scrotums
NO ONE will get mine

- moo

I miss them madly
Yearning, groaning, then growling
I hate you bastard

- DJ

Dog, I feel your pain
Gold on my finger stole mine
Loss we share as one

- DJ

Snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip,
arf, arf, arf...arf, arf...

- "Linda's UK cuz"

cold cut of scalpal
sweet incense--close by bitches
there's one!--ouch--stitches!!

- "Linda's UK cuz"

If the walls have ears
I wish my balls had spears
So I would stick your cares

- toddwin
My special purpose
is no more
my God, my God
why have you forsaken me?

- Bob R
It may have not been my wish
but now I have my own satellite dish!

- watergraphics

(haiku collection)
the wang is still here
The gonads have departed
i hope you are proud

all on the way there
i thought i would be put down
my fate was much worse

though my nuts are gone
i still have the urge to hump
i will now hump you

you took off my balls
i will kill you in your sleep
and tear yours off too

- bob

take my balls will you?
i can still unfurl my pink

I could not resist.

It does look like a lipstick. You know it does.

- Rori
yes, laugh at me silly human
my balls you may keep
but when i bite you on your ass
on your back you'll no longer sleep

Twin photos are set above
Forlorn, they morn
A part they both love…
Ah, but it’s only a silly wish
You can bet, their Vet
Has the pair in a Petri dish.
A tube around his roguish ears
The pup, may sup
Unable to see what he most fears.
Lifelike pictures they are for me.
My life, my strife --
I just got myself a vasectomy.
- Arizona Jake
A prince? A king? No
Just a guy with a story
My friends won't believe

- Jeff M.
My manhood doth rot upon yon floor
Ah, but if I could forthwith,
Touch myself merrily, Anon, once more.
- Arizona Jake
Above, on the left, innocence.
Above, on the right reality.
Ah, life.
- Arizona Jake
HEY, I'M GONNA GO OUT AND HUMP THE NEIGHBOR'S.... uh, umm,.........ah,................................
what's for dinner, master?

- Jim
a man... and a knife
i went under. i arose.
now i cry. it hurts.

- Jason
You know, having the ol' snausage tampered
with is bad enough, but now I have to put up
with the "dogarita" and "dogtini" drink jokes.  
I don't even have the balls to fight back!

- Scott
Oh me bollocks
have been nicked pilfered stolen.
I liked me swollen!

- darka
Oh me bollocks
have been stolen, pilfered nicked.
I liked me lil prick!

- darka

Oh me bollocks
have been nicked, stolen, pilfered.
Is it tea time yet?

- darka
With slack in my sack
I am bereft of my balls
I lay here inconsolable
You hacked off my delectables!

- Christopher
Last of a great line
Emperor has plans for me
Mysterious choice

- JMinton
You chopped my 'nads off!
You think that was a favor?!?!
Well, think again, Mac

- Jim
Your time is coming
Someday I will firmly grasp
Your balls in my jaws

- Jim
God DAMN! You humans
I hate how you think you're God
Give me my nuts back

- Jim
Too young to use 'em
Hence, much too young to lose 'em
What do I do now?

- Jim
Life has no meaning
Now that you've taken my nuts
I hope you're happy

- Jim
You motherfucker
Just who do you think you are?
How would YOU like it?

- Jim
Haiku for dog nuts,
Neutered to keep neighbors calm;
Contest gives me wood.

- Mike Perry

No unwanted pups
You hypocritical Trogs
You folks need the same

- Jim

Dog days getting long,
Wanderlust is over now;
Drag my butt on ground.

- Mike Perry

Master drags me out,
Friends all sniff and stare at me;
Bite him in the balls.

- Mike Perry

I left here swinging
when I came back, the cat laughed
still got your back, man


Ride in truck to vet,
Smell like anesthesia;
No nookie for me.

- Mike Perry

you took my testes
you motherfucking bastard
how i hate you so

- bakiwop

I go into the doctors house
I feel that I am doomed
For I used to lick my balls
But now I lick a wound

- Jon

wise men trim young trees
so they can soar to the heav'ns
i just want my balls

- bakiwop

cherry blossoms bloom
all things reach maturity
except my testes

- bakiwop

I dozed off a pup
I awoke feeling listless
Am I now a man?

- lj

Castration invites
wild revenge fantasies, but
afterwards, who cares?

- lj

two drunks, walking down the street
see a dog licking its former nuts
first drunk says, "I wish I could do that"
second drunk replies, "pet it first"

Notes to readers,
Line 2: "its" was formerly "his"
Line 4: "it" was formerly "him"
Now its all just a whim

Whoever castrated this poor creature,
also ruined a perfectly disgusting joke.

- Steve

a puppy is born
his balls are taken away
many puppies lost

- eunich

Life's a "bitch"... and il never have one!
- 10a

They call it humane
They don't do it to humans
I think they tell lies

- andy
No mere vasectomy
Where is the rest of me?
Fuck you, heartless bitch.

- Ellie

Queen Elizabeth
had a similar collar
and no balls, either

- Diane M.

noo ooo ooo
ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo
ooo ooo ooh!


"Confucious say,
dog without balls
is scaredy-cat"



ironic that I
should spend my cruel life chasing
that which was taken

- neutered dog haiku by mmeiser

They may be gone but
your leg still looks like Pamela
Anderson to me.
You may laugh now, but
one day yours will stop working.
Then we’ll be even.


This is just pointless;
I'm not a good soprano,
you have no harem.

- kstop

how could you do this?
if I ever get the chance
I will bite your sack

- Unbeliever
untold pups like me
slaughtered in shelters; now I
will not add more blood

- lori

Curse you, hypocrite!
Would you do it to yourself?
I didn't think so.

- Mr. D.R.

pack them in dry ice
nutritious delicacy
for some distant land

- eric
minor surgery
a doc johnson latex mold
crazy fun gag gift!

- eric

Called me your angel.
I died & went to heaven?
Look at my halo!


please plop them into
formaldehyde - forever
daddy's curio

- eric

bereft of manhood,
chasing children in the park.
lonely recompense

it haunts my every
dream, the surgeon's steely knife,
ghostly mourning woods



What will i tell the wife?!?

- georgina

a treat for my tears
milk-bonesˆchicken and liver
soothe not my lost goods


why'd you act so hastily
now dogy style's bereft of me
and the subject's of this fable
are in a jar upon your table

-mr rowley
They lay me on a surgeons bed
and apart my legs did spread
prone i was upon my back
as the knife removed my sack
now there is no fun at home
i have no will or want to bone
the other dogs delicious rump
there are no means for me to hump
no more good times, no more frollocks
cos that twat removed my bollocks
its not their right, i'm so frustrated
it feels so wrong to be castrated

-mr rowley
Give them back to me
What you took isn’t yours, be
Serious, that hurt!

do not fret my pet
a stitch in time can save nine
you'll get over it

A void has been born
Both in the soul and the crotch
It is all your fault

laugh away, mailman
sun or rain or sleet or snow
i will have your balls

oh dear i used to like
to lick my balls but now i
cant lick my balls anymore because they are gone

the shelter closes - puppies now have loving homes- my thanks to you

I used to lick them
Just because I could do it.
What will I lick now?

Seed I cannot spread
Whatever will I do now?
Oh! Look at that leg!

- kristin
Left is nothing but
your guilt, my shame. if
I had thumbs, I would cut you.

You traitorous scum
I gave you my loyalty
But you undogged me

Why? Why?! Just because
Mistress smelled so enticing
while scrubbing floors nude

I am lighter now,
can jump a bit higher, yet
my soul is heavy

Tis because of you
That the only balls I know
Are the balls you throw

Something is missing
The world lacks sugar and spice
And ev'rything nice

dog not me
no swinging balls to walk with
I walk like a bitch

To get a girlfriend
You should have bought a female
and not made me one.

have balls will hump stuff
have no balls will not hump stuff
bad luck dog, bad luck

- Evan Pryke
I did all your tricks
But you just chopped off my dick
Man's best friend my ass!

-texas roundup
my owner told me
we were visiting the park
I woke half a man.

oh I'm loathe this day to face
licking space balls left no trace
woe is pee

I must have been the life of the party, when I woke up I was wearing this lamp shade

My greatest pleasure
Is gone forever
For I can no longer lick my balls


blue balls are no more
satisfaction is no more
what to live for now?

- Yesenia

What's black and white all over?
That would be me..
But now, I'm testicle free

I dream of autumn,
chasing wind-blown leaves, fierce, free
from all this crotch pain

-Scott H.
Something's missing here
Hm...I'm walking differently

- Jones
I'll be your best friend
comfort you when you are sad
I don't need my balls

Yesterday, them I licked,
Today I’ve been snipped…
Tomorrow they won’t be missed !

I once was studly...
SNIP SNIP- there go my testes
I want neuticles!

-Lisa B
Lighter are my nether regions
Since the shiny blade
Snicked my snackers.

-Darth Fadeaway
This twisted vet-man
that has taken my jewels
He must collect them

On haunch I sit leg
Raised high for a lick.
Whut the?????!!!!


My ancestors cry
That my children are stolen
I just want my balls


If I had a choice
Though this lampshade is stylin'
I would choose my nuts


never had a chance
to say goodbye, not even
one last lick for luck.


i may look like i
forgive you now, but i'm just
plotting my revenge


you think it's funny.
what kind of friendship is this?
you are dead to me.


why the surgery?
did i do something to piss
you off or what the--?


you may take my balls
but you won't take my power
to make you touch poop


don't look at me so,
your face while you show remorse
makes me want to puke.


i hope one day that
i can make a choice that will
ruin your sex life


hmm, what's that feeling?
where there was a swinging mass
now a cool breeze blows.


Now I awaken
Gone forever my gonads
My vengeance will come

-Thag Simmons
Where are my balls at?
Where are my fucking balls at?
Shit I lost my balls!

- commodore
Posting my picture
on the internet shames me.
I am despondent.

Rose petals fall soft
on my soul's Chinese garden.
I miss my testes.

My bark is stronger
Than my bite, but several
octaves higher now.


A thunderstorm raging afar?
Balls of ice fall from the sky, smooth and cold
Falling balls melt on the grass


On a brighter note:
The ladies will finally
Love me for my mind

I should not have humped
The punishment does not fit
Is there no justice?

I Have Doggie Balls
The Vet likes my doggie balls
Now I Have No More

I hate SNL
Ferrel stole my bone and I
got spayed cuz of Spade.

- Lorne Michaels' collie
"A lovely day tis,
Oh, to hump many a leg!"
Said my old, dead bone.

Sorry about your loss.
I may host "The Price is Right",
but your dice have left.

- Bob Barker

in bed with your wife
you, my callous oppressor
so what if I watch

- Hrothgar

vain apologist
there's no emptiness like this
screw your snausages

- Hrothgar
gone so soon
why did i have to loose
what was not yet in use

you toss beggin strips
as if I'd beg for bacon
I'd rather have eggs

- Hrothgar

part of me is gone,
and I wear a white lampshade.
the girl dogs will laugh.

dearest testicles,
you were taken while I slept.
see you in heaven.

Two furry walnuts
plucked from my testicle tree
cracked and thrown away.

- Ben
Poor little doggie.
Just lost an ounce of his flesh.
He is still all man.


by pet carrier
white coat looms with large needle
this does not bode well

- deadish
i was so frisky
till my knickers were knockered
now i am obese

- deadish
I am a pissed dog.
My life now has one main goal:
to sick Bob Barker.

Furry sack of eggs
My companions since the Teat
Walking like a girl

- The Pimpviking
No urge to chase cars
I patiently lie waiting
To get my revenge

A squeaky porkchop
Is my only pleasure now
Since the castration

Alas, forever free-
Never to bounce in the breeze
My missing testes

Where did it go?
Gasp! The Babe Magnet is gone!
Time to play the field!

-Corinne Dodenhoff
what will i lick now
that you've stolen my mouth balls
i guess yours will do


The cat is laughing
Alas, he is unaware
His balls are gone too



An ode to my balls
Our relationship was short
I barely recall

Jealousy! Stolen!
my nuts 'cause I can lick 'em
Now I hump any


hey! where did they go?
there is less of me to lick
good. more time to play!


no longer fertile
Seymour has been rearranged
can hump anything

-Spicy Jack

testicles removed

- funkytuba

sad but resolute
pruned tree stands strong in the breeze
part of me is gone

- funkytuba

anesthetic clears
Veterinarian laughs
sex drive fades, alas

- funkytuba

The bastards did what?
Just wait till they're fast asleep.
I'll shit in their shoes.

- dinzdale

so hungry, so sad
elizabethan collar
makes it hard to eat

- funkytuba

I cant believe it !
Some farker's gonna get bit

- dinzdale

six stitches remain
my life has changed forever
do I smell bacon?

- funkytuba

why did you do that?
you would not do that to me
must have been the cat

- funkytuba

I guess its over.
I used to chase dog pvssy
Now just pvssy cat

- dinzdale

advice to young pups
when owner says "time for vet"
just say no, and bite

- funkytuba

'kay - you've had your fun.
isn't this like "hide the ball"?
come on - put 'em back!

- lapietra

please, I beg of you
why not just vasectomize?
do I smell bacon?

- funkytuba
castaway pieces
once part of my libido
now medical waste

- funkytuba
Leave me alone please
No I dont want a biscuit
Or a belly rub

- dinzdale

i lost my marbles
but I have a pogo stick
we can still have fun

- lapietra

no puppies for me
an eternal bachelor
chasing butterflies

- lapietra
excised nads haunt me
celibacy's my burden
I deserve a steak

- funkytuba
who's a good, good boy?
me, I guess. I have no choice.
Wait! there's lots to chew...

- lapietra
the toy he loves most
in his mouth, ready to bounce
oh, the irony

- zefrank
The cat seems to laugh
sociopathic bastard!
I'll bite him.....late

- Audreyvgs
"Fetch the ball!! Ha Ha!"
owner laughs at my sad plight
urine's funny too

- funkytuba
grade: pet quality
Darwinian politics
progeny denied

- funkytuba

Oh, I will go back
And, Mr Vet, you'll find out
Dog-tooth patterned sack

- dinzdale

I just cannot wait
To get rid of this collar
My nuts sure do ache

- dinzdale
How did I get here?
Feeling ever so drowsy.
Where did my nuts go?

- SpicyJack
Men watch dog lick nuts
one says "wish I could do that"
other: "He'd bite you"

- funkytuba

No nuts! No bollocks!
No tackle! No cojones!
No testicles! OOOOOOOOOOOOOWW!!!

- dinzdale

'til you give them back
I'll take one thing ev'ry day
(buried in the yard)

- lapietra

testicle free me
I have nothing left to lick
call neuticles now

- avalon

Always, Late at night
Bitches used to drive me nuts
And now I've got none

- Hyakujo's Fox

wasted milkshake gloats
boys no longer in the yard
I will have to charge

- funkytuba

You think it's harmless
Chasing the other dogs' balls
Til someone swipes yours

- Hyakujo's Fox

First I had two balls
I look and now there are none
I hope yours fall off

- avalon

what did I do wrong?
worse punishment than "bad dog!"
and nose in fresh poo

- lapietra

Oh Cloud of darkness
Slice! Slice! go the razor blades
I need to throw up.

- LadyCrow

I can't remember
What it was that I wanted
My itch has got scratched

- Hyakujo's Fox

My balls are hidden
Hee Hee you won't find them now
I'm a cryptorchid

- LadyCrow

I am very sad
Can't impress the bitches now
Damn evil doctor

- LadyCrow

man's best friend, my eye
if you take anything else
I will bite your nose

- lapietra

Take my nuts will you
I will teach you a lesson
you will sing high notes

- avalon

There on the mantle
Just like some strange lava lamp
My balls in a jar

- Hyakujo's Fox

Sexy lady dog
Once, we sniffed each others butts
True love we once had

Evil master Ze
Made a eunich out of me
Our love is now dead

- klynne

seems i just got snipped
hey, gotta lose weight somehow
back end feels lighter...

- AllegroNG

with my veggies gone
my manhood is now questioned.
what if i grow boobs?!!?

- AllegroNG

black spots on both ears
white fluffy puppy body
red and sore below

- funkytuba

I used to be male
then I heard it go snip snip
now I like to sleep

- zenbabe

one tongue to lick with
four legs to run around on
2 balls...nevermind

- aphrodite

young pup finds new home
love in abundance and food
but at quite a price

- funkytuba

oh to hump the couch
it is so soft and fluffy
ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch

- zenbabe

cat finds home life changed
sees puppy come back from vet
you're an it like me

- funkytuba

Alas, they are gone
Look back to where they once were
Now Seymoure sees less

- avalon

Big word, huge consequences
For such a small dog

- smartypants

Little nuts to you
Could be big problems for me
I'm sorry Seymour

- madasacutsnake

Lost Balls
New Tempur-pedic dog bed
Bad trade

- brushogger

boy nipples and staff
procreations stunt double
alas it is I

- Aphrodite

Who the hell are you
to decide to cut off my balls?
How would you feel, huh?

- straymonk

Kind of sore back there
stitches and antiseptic
must get that cleaned up

the collar from hell
keeps me from doing my job
It's not nice to laugh

- Aphrodite

Seymore is confused.
Something seems to be missing.
Just what could it be?

These drugs they gave him
Make him feel a little sick.
Could that be what’s wrong?

Transmogrified crotch
Doesn’t have those hangy things.
Where’d the danglies go?

He can lift his leg,
piss to mark his doggy turf.
He hasn’t lost that.

- rapscalious rob

no package
humping instinct gone
sleep calls me

my owner
less of me to love
he cares not

- funkytuba

There's nothing
left to lick down there.
I'm so bored.

- straymonk

once there were two there
empty sac

- Smartypants

Small bundles of joy
Sliced away in the dark night
Sense of purpose, lost

No longer ruled by
hormones, I scoff at the heat.
One less life peril

- Josh
I used to
sniff butts and lick now
I just stare

my old balls
are sorely missing
as am I

- John
Paw, Paw Seymour
Your testicles are nomour
There, there Seymour. Good dog.

- antony
Don‚t be so gloomy,
The next day will be brighter
Now think of chases.

Pork-chops and lamb chops.
Triple-decker mincemeat pies.
These are happy thoughts.

When the master turns
Sneak tasties from the table
He will never know.

Chase the stick over
Fields and meadows, running far
And free. Happiness.

- Jennifer

Alas, poor Seymour!
You knew them well! Fellows of
Excellent fancy!

Here hung those balls that
I have licked I know not how
Oft! Where thee gambol?

- Laura

They used to be there
For you to lick, now, no more
So just use Ze's face!

- Laura
Not to worry, wee
Pup, Ze will make you a star,
Even though ball-free!

- Laura
Poor little doggie.
Food can replace your sex life.
Treats fall to the floor.

Spring is here. Be glad
for the flowers in the field.
You're just a friend now.

Social computing
takes care of interaction.
Master has Friendster.

- Louise
Humping urge recedes
Scooby Snacks enter stage left
thus filling the void

- Jeff
Fuck! Where are my balls?!?
They were there before I slept.
Help! The Master lies!


My testes in a jar
before I could enjoy them
woe, lamentations


My balls, they are gone
I can no longer lick them
Shit shit shit shit shit


My nest is empty
The world comes into focus
So very unhappy

- thirteen

Good-bye, testicles!
I will meet you in heaven.
Now I gnaw on shoes.

- skot
Once, I was virile --
Car-chaser, bane of the cat.
No more. Goodbye, balls.

- snarkout
The white buds unfurled,
The bitches outside in heat.
I nap on the couch.

- snarkout
This accusing stare
Is for you, owner, because

- skot
A dog a dog
I cannot be
I cannot procreate
I can pee

I chased fast cars
I fucked your leg
Now I just lick my nutbag scar

No cats to destroy
No shoes to chew
I will piss in your best lace ups

Fuck you Shakespeareans
Juliet is a slut
Lick my scar

Something I must do
Cannot, now, remember what
Oh well, never mind.

- bcanfield
Pollen-sweetened breeze,
Cherry blossoms portend life.
Damn, I feel left out.

- Avogadro
Memory told
lick to show strength
Embrace it to move on
- mart