Fabuloso Friday/Weird Old Script

From zefrank

Jump to: navigation, search

[Ze speaking like they do on the Fine Living channel, prim and proper, along with Fine Living channel typs of music, lot's of eye brown movement. music fades] “Oh hi, Sports Racers, I'm Ze Frank and it's [drawn out, queen like] Fabulouso Friday. Since so many of you have asked what it is I do aaall daaay, I thought I'd give you, [make tiny gesture with fingers, squint face] just a peek, into the exciting and intoxicating journey of my daily life.

[Ze makes the 'come here' with the index finger] Come with me.”

[Ze makes excited, but control overtly feminine face and body movements as we follow him. Ze smiles big, speaks like a parent telling the kids they are going to the beach. Camera, up close] “Todaaay, [view bathroom] I'm cleaning the bathroom!”

[Shots of bathroom full of duckies. Quick flashes of duckies everywhere in the style of Alfred Hitchcock, accompanied by the music of Bernard Herrman's Psycho]

[Flash of Norman Bates pulling the shower curtain spliced into Ze pulling the shower curtain open. More duckies, more music, more flashes]

[Speaking instructionally and stiff] “Here are just some of the products I use to clean.”

[Show cleaning products] comet, windex, bleach, scrubbing bubbles, macaroni and cheese, Campbell's Tomato Soup (picture of Andy Worhal on the can), perhaps some other strange food products, what ever you have in the cupboard. [Ze makes sly face and that tight open mouth thing he does.]

[Flash to Ze holding a tooth brush upright and with a concerned and slightly unhappy tone saying] “I hate cleaning the toilet, don't you? I just wish it would go faster?” [Film Ze cleaning the toiletocassionally looking up and smiling, wiping brow, making other faces. Speed up the camera really fast]

[Standing up quickly and making the 'that's that' with his hands] “There!” [pause] “Now the tub!”

[Ze dives down and start scrubbing the tub.] [Flash to computer news screen, read news. TBA Thursday or more news about the Hiadth cover up].

[Back to Ze on his knees bending over the tub rinsing it with a duckie cup, humming child's nursery song] “This is the way we wash the...” [Ze, stops humming. Turns and sits on the bathroom floor, holding one knee in his arms. He makes a personal and insightful comment about the news. TBA Thursday or "free improvisation" on Ze's part. He said no to nuidty not no improvisation. I command he does free improvisation here!]

[After the comment. Quick shots of Ze, wearing swimming trunks, in a tub full of Mr. Bubble and rubber duckie. He's playing bombardier. Lots of flash sequences of this activity with his voice, real pictures of bombing and exploding sounds. This play could relate to the news item. i.e. Hiadth coving up. All the bombed and killed rubber duckie are being pushed under the bubbles by US and UK rubber duckie. Ze holds two [[duckie and makes a high pitched dialog between two rubber duckie,] “we're not gonna tell anyone about this, let's get our stories straight, hurry give me some money, for what, we'll pay what's left of the families off, how much you got, 20 bucks, how much you got, 15, that's not enough, shit what are we gonna do, fuck if I know, oh shit here comes the neighbors!”

{too hard? too soon?}

[flash of all the new and exciting t-shirst] [Next, Ze is ironing a couple of the new Meaningless Products. Meaningless Products are hanging everywhere in his apartment. Ze holds one of the shirts up and smiles. No sound, but the fuzz of the room and microphone]

[While ironing Ze is watching TV. Play short clips of American Idol, or something more topical (winners and losers TV) Ze doesn't want the popular person on the show to win and hates the new winner. This is an opportunity for Ze to talk to his other self; an argument Pro winner and Con winner – gay vs straight – man vs women – child vs adult. Write short dialogue here. I don't watch network TV so I have no clue what season big endings are taking place.]

[The dialogue escalated. In the end the Con side, in disgust, throws the iron at the TV. Since it is plugged in (tight) to the outlet the iron pulls back against the wall instead chipping the plaster (note: ze, check with your landlord, tell him this is all for the sake of art and the nation) a look of horror ensues upon Ze's face, he bites fist. His Pro [smart ass adult] side states the obvious, in a very optimistic and somewhat sarcastic tone] “You'll need spackle to fix that!” [Con child side pouts and says defensively] “I know!”

[Close up of Ze finishing the spackle job, speaking some words of wisdom] “Life, like walls, can have many holes. Shit happens. [looks at the now concealed hole in the wall, smiles charmingly] But, we can cover those holes and (try to) hide how we got them!”

[Ze proudly puts the final touches of spackle on the wall, looks at the camera and says] “I'm Ze Frank th... (pause) spackling so you don't have to.” [Ze throws kiss, pokes his finger in the newly spackled wall, and says] “Poop.”

-Alternatives ending. [Landlord pounds on door yells] “Frank what the hell are you doing to my apartment?!” [Real look of concern on Ze's face, camera cuts]. close to the original form

Personal tools