the show: 09-08-06

From zefrank

Jump to: navigation, search

the show: no such show: $showdate | watch this show | the show: no such show: $showdate
no such show: $showdate

list of all transcripts | list of incomplete transcripts


What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with the president, just you and him?

Would you scream? Would you laugh? Would you offer him gum? Would you say things to make him your friend?

What would you do if you were stuck for ten hours? Would you listen? Ask questions? And how?

What would it be that you'd say to the president? And why aren't you saying it now?

(Caption: Blake Wylie,

(A gentleman with a goatee removes a pipe from his mouth.)

Good morning, Sports Racers! Show me your Power Move?

(Back to Ze.)

Way to make it dirty, Blake!

You know what today is? I do!

(Ride The Fire Eagle Danger Day theme plays! There's even a cool animation! A little cartoon Ze hops off a cliff and a giant flaming bird flies under him so that Ze lands on its fiery back. Ouch! Wouldn't that burn?)

Don't be scared, that's not a real fire eagle! It's just a lifelike animation! (Whew!)

Riding The Fire Eagle Danger Day #1, more sophistication than you can handle!

CNN reports that a leader of Al Qaeda has released an audiotape urging his followers to kill at least one American in the next two weeks in Iraq.

Why is this news? That's what war is, isn't it?

The message comes days after the Bush administration released its strategy on combating terrorism. The strategy includes six references to killing Al Qaeda members.

CNN points out that the recording is more sophisticated than ever, including "sound effects such as a lion's roar, machine gun fire and a sword being unsheathed."

Oh crap! They must have lions and swords!

Or iMovie.

(SFX: Sword being unsheathed)

(SFX: Lion's roar)

Riding The Fire Eagle Danger Day #2, president reveals very last secret, crosses heart but omits "hope to die."

In transferring 14 high-level terror suspects to Guantanamo, the president revealed the existence of a network of secret foreign CIA detention centers. Suspects have been held at the detention centers without charge and have been interrogated using techniques that the president says were tough, but did not constitute torture.

Meanwhile the president and the military seem to have different ideas on what does constitute torture. On Wednesday the Pentagon officially repudiated interrogation tactics that have been used for that last five years, including waterboarding, forced nudity, use of dogs, stress positions, sleep deprivation, and extreme temperatures.

The Pentagon simultaneously embraced international humane treatment standards for all detainees in U.S. military custody.

On the same day, the Bush administration released a proposal that calls the language in the Geneva conventions "too vague." The proposal asks Congress to make legal the tactics that were disavowed by the Pentagon, and specifies that courts would be forbidden from intervening... thereby making the tactics tough, not torture.

Beyond the morality of torture, the question is whether information gained from a suspect who has a snarling dog two inches from his naked nutsack can and should be used to prosecute him.

In a briefing this Wednesday, Army Deputy Chief of Staff for Intelligence Lt. General John Kimmons said, "No good intelligence is going to come from abusive practices. Moreover, any piece of intelligence which is obtained under duress... would be of questionable credibility, and... it would do more harm than good."

President Bush however disagrees, asking Congress this Wednesday to approve military tribunals that would allow evidence obtained by coercive interrogation and hearsay and deny suspects and their lawyers the right to see classified evidence used against them.

The administration is seeking to change the rules because the judicial system, which is the underpinning of American society, would most likely not result in the prosecution of many of the suspects held.

A study released by Syracuse University found that 91% of the referred terrorism cases this year were turned down for prosecution. Cases were turned down because of weak or insufficient evidence and a lack of criminal intent.

The Bush administration argues that the war on terror requires that we rethink our positions on civil liberties and the judicial process.

Luckily, there are countries that can act as role models. Countries that for years have allowed detention without charges, the use of coercive interrogation, and prosecution based on hearsay and secret evidence.

If the liberal pinko bastards don't let Bush get his way, at least he can move to Pakistan, or North Korea.

I hear good things.

Personal tools