the show: 09-12-06

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Potentially Overpowering Or Pissed (POOP) Guy: "Good mornin' Sp-ports Racers. I've had mah Sports Racer's shirt on for three days now... 'nnnkay. Good talkin' to you."

Ze: Uh, I think your dog wants to go outside. (burp)

Three days is nothing! You're supposed to wear your Sports Racers shirts for seven days and then throw them away and buy another one!

(Slow Motion) They're disposable!

President Bush paid tribute to 9/11 yesterday.

("Fashion Show"-style voice over still photos of President Bush and the First Lady standing and walking on an image of an American flag on the floor):

- Just look at those shoes! Refined yet masculine.
  The first lady sure ain't slouch with an open toe and vicious heel.
  This fall black is back, and with that special blend of elegance and comfort, you can show the world exactly where you stand.

POOP Guy': 'nnnkay.

Ze: 'nnnkay. Something from the forums.

Cymraeg_american laments that her college degree appears to be useless.

First off, I'd like to apologize for whoever told you that your degree would be useful. (That was irresponsible of them.) In the real world, we use the word "degree" a little differently.

- So that new kid, does he know what he's talking about?
- Mmm, to a degree.

We use it to mean "sort of".

You see college is like taking a step closer to the real world. Kind of like climbing a tree gets you closer to the Moon. It's a place where you get to experience with all kinds of "sort of" real life experiences. You live in a "sort of" apartment with a roommate you "sort of" get to choose. You have those mini refrigerators which are "sort of" like big refrigerators, but also "sort of" like mini-bars. In fact, college mini-fridges are exactly what mini-bars look like when you stay in a hotel in hell.

- Aw schweet! A Go-gurt! Oh Christ! It's alive!

You drink "sort of" beer.

- Olympia, It's the water!

Are they bragging? Or is it an excuse? And you go on "sort of" dates.

- I was thinking of taking her to Chi Chi's.

And at the end of the night, you "sort of" experiment with "sort of" sex.

- Tell me what you like. I'll do what you want me to do.
- I just want to do what you want me to do.
- Crap! I was hoping you'd bring some new information to the table.
- Yeah me too. I guess we could just match the parts up.
- Yeah ok. Then you want to go to Chi Chi's?

You go to a "sort of" cafeteria to eat "sort of" food.

- Yeah, I'll have the meatloaf?... Oh it's fish... Ok. I'll have that.

And when you sit down to eat your food, you get to experience "sort of" racial segregation. You even "sort of" gain weight.

- Sweetheart, I plan on gaining 15 pounds at the next Superbowl party.

You take courses from college professors, which are "sort of" adults. (They still live in college housing and take summer vacations.) And do the courses themselves an much to do with what you'll actually be doing in your profession? Mmm, to a "degree"... A "sort of" degree.

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