the show: 09-19-06

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(Scary-looking Guy pulls a light-up blinking eyeball out of his mouth): Good morning Sports Racers. Welcome to The Show.

(Ze, looking sulky): It's day two of Happy Week, where all I can talk about is happy things. (Sotto voce) But I will say, this whole thing with the Pope--

(Ze gets interrupted by the sound of a League of Awesomeness letter arriving.)

(Ze, shouting at the LoA): All right! I'm sorry! We'll send more vacuum cleaners!

(Crumpling up the LoA letter) Stupid LoA.

(Close Up of Ze making gleeful noises) Eeeehaaaaoooouuuheee!

One easy way to make yourself happy, is by making other people happy! As long as you get credit for it!

(Cut to the little figure on a Walk sign. The lights on one side of the figure are flickering like a pulse.)

For example, I noticed this little man's heart was beating really fast. I'm sure he has a very stressful job.

(Cut to a wide shot of Ze looking up at the sign.)

And I don't think he has a lot of friends.

(Ze talks to the little man in the walk sign): Don't be nervous!

(Walk sign again.)

I think after that he felt better, because he wanted a high five!

(The Don't Walk sign, a red hand, blinks.)

So I gave him one!

(Ze's hand high fives the hand in the sign.)

(Back to Ze's place.)

You never know, you might have a little man near you that needs a high five! But watch out, sometimes they get a little needy. It's like, every time he sees me crossing the street now. Ya know? Get a life!

Another example. You may have heard this little bit of audio that's been circling around the web. No? Okay, I'll play you some snippets, but you can find a link to the whole thing in the sidebar.

(The voice of Ray, over images of dressed-up vacuum cleaners): Hi, my name is Ray, and on yesterday my daughter called me, ah, because she was stressed out because of, ah, things that were going on on her job that she felt were quite unfair. So I was lead to write this song, just for her.

(Ray, singing): I'm about to whip somebody's ass.

(Ze): Now I don't know who Ray is, but just listening to him trying to make his daughter happy made me happy. And now selfishly I want to make him happy so I can be even happier.

So a bunch of Fabulosos and I have started to make remixes of his tune! M-m-maybe (Nice Max Headroom reference, Ze!) we can track Ray down and give them to him.

If you know a disembodied voice named Ray with badass vibrato, who has a daughter who was recently pissed off at her job, let me know!

Here's one remix by a Sports Racer named Goose that I'd be pretty psyched to give him!

(Goose's remix of Ray's song plays over more images of dressed-up vacuum cleaners.)

To help you better deal with what you're going through in your job... here's how the song goes... I'm about to whip somebody's ass. Oh, I'm about to whip somebody's ass. If you don't leave me alone, you're gonna have to send me home, 'cause I'm about to whip somebody's ass.

One of the few truly selfish things you can do that doesn't make you an asshole is to make yourself happy by making someone else happy.

So in that spirit, New Viewers? Welcome! And if you don't know what the hell's going on, I'm sure someone in the forum will be selfish enough to help you.

This is Ze Frank, being happy.

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