Fabuloso Friday/Main Project Page

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==Intro/ATNVGY?== ==Intro/ATNVGY?==
-[''Ze is sitting in an armchair, wearing a bath robe, with his hair dyed a lovely shade of purple, stroking both cats on his lap, and puffing on a bubble pipe while looking thoughtfully into the distance. On the table next to him sits a small rotating globe with bread slices at the poles. He turns to camera.'']+[''Ze is sitting in an armchair, wearing a bath robe, with his hair dyed a lovely shade of light blue, stroking both cats on his lap, and puffing on a bubble pipe while looking thoughtfully into the distance. On the table next to him sits a small rotating globe with bread slices at the poles. He turns to camera.'']
'''Ze:''' [''In a deep, seductive voice that would melt anyone's pants right off''] I am being Ze Frank. Welcome to Fabuloso Friday, where you do the thinking so I don't have to. '''Ze:''' [''In a deep, seductive voice that would melt anyone's pants right off''] I am being Ze Frank. Welcome to Fabuloso Friday, where you do the thinking so I don't have to.

Revision as of 22:35, 6 June 2006

  • click the discussion tab to argue about this page...
  • click here to vote on show issues!
  • click the "edit" button on the far right of each section heading to minimize edit clashes



Fabuloso Friday
Fabuloso Friday

this is where you make the show for me, dammit.. be as specific as possible - for example "s-s-s-something from the comments" ain't enough...gimme the script.

  • But the point of s-s-s.f.t.c. is that it's from the previous day, so you'll just have to accept a placeholder until Thursday night. Nerve-wracking, I know, but if you want to just be the talent, you gotta let the writers do their work...

the point? who made that rule? sports racers don't follow arbitrary rules.

  • Easy there, hard charger -- it's a de facto rule. You can violate it if you want, but it will be less funny if you do...

(Do u want us can maybe to make video clips the also?) <-- This guy should write the whole script!

  • sure - you can upload short videos to the gallery...

Where is the brainstorming page?

  • You're soaking in it..."

I nominate AaronStJ as head writer...

I think it's too long in its current form -- anyone able to time it? Trim sections, or cut a section?

It's about 5:30 right now. I think Ze wants it under 3:00. I'd rather have too much material and then trim it down at the last minute, though. We should develop all the good segments as much as possible. Maybe we cna re-use some next Friday. AaronStJ 15:30, 6 June 2006 (PDT)

Current Script

Move anything that does not improve the script to the sections below. Don't be ridiculous -- script writing isn't just a matter of adding teh funny and removing teh suck. There are questions of pace and balance -- one neighborhood joke is good, three in a row would be too many; some things will be funny in one context, and not in another. Remember: it's funny if you bend it, not funny if you break it.


If we're gonna make this thing work, we should stick to the same formatting style. It looks like we are converging a solid format. Any additions should follow the format.

It should be safe to assume that every new line of dialog will be a new camera cut. This fast paced, cut every line is the way Ze currently operates, we should stick with it. So there's no real need to say CUT unless you're giving further camera direction.

Example of Style

AaronStJ: Lines of dialog should look like this

[AaronStJ points out that action should look like this]


AaronStJ: Camera directions should look like that.


AaronStJ: CU means closeup.

AaronStJ: [Whispering] Different voices should look like this.


AaronStJ: A beat is a short pause for comedic timing.


[Ze is sitting in an armchair, wearing a bath robe, with his hair dyed a lovely shade of light blue, stroking both cats on his lap, and puffing on a bubble pipe while looking thoughtfully into the distance. On the table next to him sits a small rotating globe with bread slices at the poles. He turns to camera.]

Ze: [In a deep, seductive voice that would melt anyone's pants right off] I am being Ze Frank. Welcome to Fabuloso Friday, where you do the thinking so I don't have to.

[Ze returns to looking into the distance momentarily. Then turns back to camera with a look of mock-enthusiasm.]

Ze: That means you could theoretically have me say something like 'I am a huge douchebag' for 5 straight minutes!"

Ze: I am a huge douchebag. I AM a huge douchebag. I am a HUGE douchebag. I am a huge DOUCHEbag. I am a huge doucheBAG.

CUT TO Ze in the armchair, looking blankly at the screen.

Extreme CU

Ze: [whispering] Fabuloso Friday sucks.


Ze: In France, the meaning of the word douche is to shower or

Ze: [Goofy, high-pitched, french-accented voice, very fast] I-am-a-huge-douchebag

Ze: to wash.


Ze: [silken-voiced yet again] But you already knew that.

Ze: [yokel voice] Gee, you're real smart!


Ze: [shouting, possible brooklyn accent] Hey, I'm driving heeeaaaah, shower-bag!


Ze: Before work every morning, I like to take a nice douche.


Ze: And usually after I've been at the gym [winks] [Quick insert of the classic photograph of Arnold Schwarzenegger with the phrase 'SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE' in HUGE letters]

Ze: [documentary voice] The towel wasn't my idea. (pause) Duh.


Ze: [whispering] Are the New Viewers gone yet?


Ze: [on the phone] Listen, can I call you back? I just got out of the douche.


[Ze is wearing nothing but saran wrap/cling film and a deerstalker cap.]

Ze: Good Morning, Sports Racers, it's Friday, Friday, Friday, Fabuloso. Knowledge is hungry so let's whip up some brain batter and pour it on the searing griddle of truth.

Trust my audience/Media Effect


Ze: Hopefully, handing the inmates the keys to what was already a burning asylum won't result in me having to induce any fatal or permanent bodily harm to myself or others!

Ze: Also, hopefully random images and shoutouts will be a kept to a minimum!

[Cut to Image:Shoutoutduck.png for half of a second]

Ze: Why, you ask, am I doing this, allowing myself to become no more then a simpering pinnochio without the songs and the dancing but with the giant whale trying to eat me and the big fat bearded man locking me up in a cage?

Ze: Because unlike those spiritually empty greedheads in the mainstream media, I _TRUST_ _my_ audience.

Ze: And yes, I am aware that I'm referring to the very same audience who routinely leaves irrelevant and asinine comments on my show . . . which I am now allowing them to create, themselves.

Ze: Here's hoping that the nerdy and the unemployed can think of funnier things to put in a show than "First!" and "Hey, Ze, you'd love this random link that I'm including with my irrelevant and asinine comment!

[Cut to image: [Image]]

[Cut to close-up of image. (Freak in.) AND THEN; Execute the "Ze Effect" [ie. the one with all the zooming, sliding, and the crotch tree. Don't forget the lightning.].]

Ze: (through smiling teeth) Kill me.

CUT to shot of 1" duckie tattoo somewhere on Ze's body.

Ze: (matter of factly) I love -- LOVE -- my audience.

Ze: (eastern-european accent of innocence): Mama, they wrote unspeakable things, spinning degrading webs of filth.


Ze: (normal sulky voice) All you care about are my naughty bits. (sulk) Assholes.

Gay Marriage

Gay Marriage
Gay Marriage

Ze: Congress spent 3 days debating gay marriage because seeing two men kissing is obviously going to ruin marriage as an institution.

[Cut to photos of Married By America or Britney Spears' first wedding while while "What's something I like that's gay" plays].

Ze: Outlawing gay marriage won't make marriage itself better.

Ze: When there's no commitment it's called sex.


Ze: Sex can be fun or it can be bad. It can also be fun to be bad during sex.

[Pull back]

Ze: Just like marriage!

Ze: Banning gay marriage because someone thinks it's bad for you is like banning alcohol because someone might drink and drive.

Ze: Or cigarettes because someone might get lung cancer.

Ze: Or radioactive waste dumping because someone might get birth defects.

Ze: Or underground nuclear testing because we could destroy our planet.

[Ze looks away from camera]

Ze: Wait, where was I going with this? <---- this is very unlike Ze, more like Chandler Bing or something -- it almost begs for some background laughter! -- I disagree. I can hear him saying it. The slippery slope thing is common, and the getting kinda sidetracked is common, and contradicting himself for comedic effect is not uncommon

[Cut to close up of Ze's eye]

Ze: Luckily, on the internet, anybody can watch virtually anyone do anything any time.

Ze: Some like to watch and do.


Ze: These people are in San Francisco this weekend for Vloggercon.


Ze: [quizzical] Vloggercon?

Ze: Not just watchers, do-ers.

Ze: Doo-ers? hehehehe.

[Cut to Image of Kirk and Spock in tuxedoes]

Ze: I wonder if there will be any gay celebrities there?

[Close up of nervous, insecure Ze laugh, a wicked look in eye betraying a dark intent]

Dirty Space News

music Holst The Planets - IMars or IVJupiter everyone owns a copy of this, right?

[Using news from http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4781730.stm and http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2006/05jun_redperil.htm]

Ze: (seductive voice) "More dirty space news!"

Ze: (looking extremely jolly) "Without naughty bits."

Ze: "While you"

CU, black and white

Ze: [whispering] "Yessss, you."

Ze: [back to normal] "... were chewing on your cornflakes"

CU of Ze's lower face, black and white

Ze: [whispering] "deliciousssss corn flakessssss"

Ze: [back to normal] "Knowledge's lazy cousin dragged this in kicking and screaming."

CU of Ze's mouth, black and white


Ze: "a-bonnet-a-bonnet-a-bonnet-de-douche."

Ze: [back to normal] "Jupiter is growing another spot." [Nonpertrubed and slightly disgusted facial expression]

Ze: The BBC reports: 'The gas giant...


Ze: [giggling] That's like farting!

Ze: ...is growing another red spot, which US space agency (NASA) astronomers have nicknamed "Red Jr".'


Ze: What, like, they have names now?

Ze: [irritated] NASsholes!

[Cut to Ze, looking frantically and hopelessly through a day planner]

Ze: Oh why can't I remember Red Junior's birthday?

Ze: An amateur douchestronomer chimes in.

Ze: [wearing nerdy glasses, effecting a geeky voice] 'The oval was white in November 2005... and red a few weeks ago.'

Ze: [looking both disgusted and aroused] Ewww.

Ze: Most astromers agree that Red Jr. Is going to blow


Ze: [barely holding in laughter]

Ze: into the big red spot.


Ze: [eyes screwed up in a herculean effort not to laugh, a rictus grin planted on his face as a high-pitched gurgle escapes his throat]]

Ze: The two storms will make their closest approach on July 4th, 2006, barely giving the Senate enough time to debate the merits of a constitutional amendment banning older, larger storms from blowing smaller, younger ones.

Ze: [in a scolding, slightly effeminate voice] Space is dirty!

English as She is Spoke

Ze: Class, today's word is 'Cacti'.

Ze: [looking off-camera] No, Allison, don't say it, just write it down. You, too, Dingus.

Ze: Cacti is plural for cactus, a latin word meaning 'cactus'.

Ze: [Off camera again] I'm not going to stop until you stop, Billy.

Ze: [voice languid and lax] So, wait. Shouldn't the plural form of bus

[cut to Image:pridebus.jpg]

Ze: be bi?

Ze: [Annoyed and snooty English Accent] English is the low-hanging fruit of languages.

Ze: [Reads a note handed from offscreen, dissapointed] No, Bobo Twins, it's "Penises".

Ze: The problem with low-hanging fruit is...


Ze: [toothiest grin possible, giggling] fruit means gay

Ze: ...all you can make out of it is low-hanging jam.

Ze: [offended] Who wants that?!

[cut to two random seconds of the Star Spangled Banner's chorus sung in Spanish with Ze lip synching in English, like in kung fu movies]

Ze: [angry, shaking fist at a point off camera] "Bobo twins!"

Asshole babies

(Ze executes a "Congdon Transition," possibly while wearing a wig or wig-substitute)

Ze: Scientists report that premature babies face higher risk of hyperactivity.

Ze: Ever think that maybe that is WHY they are premature?

Ze: They couldn't wait to get out and start staring at people

Ze: [irritated] Assholes.

Ze: Speaking of asshole babies, The League of Awesomeness must inform you of a conspiracy to integrate Giant Babies into society under the guise of cuteness.


Ze: But a true Sports Racer knows the Giant Baby agenda...


Ze: ...to eat the bread from the Earth Sandwich project.

Ze: If you see any Giant Babies please deliver them to the League of Awesomeness Headquarters (use you power move, if necessary) for immediate interrogation and introduction to addictive substances



[Cut to Ze playing guitar and singing the lyrics mentioned below. The "l"'s mark the beginning of each meter, strumming pattern is really up to someone elses discretion, I reccomend something reasonably fast with strong first beats, which corrospond to the syllable below each "l".]

    lAm       l        lF     1

Gonna catch me giant babies on a fabuloso friday

   lAm           l        lF    l

Gonna go and feed some duckies on a fabuloso friday

(the following subtitle flashes a few times: "THIS SONG COURTESY OF FABULOSO FRIDAY")

 lC        lG        lF       lC

And if you are out walking, do it in a special way.

lC         lG        lF     lC

Knowing that you made today a fabuloso day.

[Cut to Ze trying to play harmonica and sing the lyrics mentioned above]

Ze: Fuck harmonica.

[Throws harmonica in childish rage]

[Cut to show wide shot to show both Ze and Harmonica, beat, and then]

[CU on Ze]

Ze: [sad voice] Sorry.

Starbuck Product Placement

Ze: [wired] More scary news: Drinking coffee makes you more open-minded. [sip] Apparently moderate doses of caffeine rev up your brain [sip] and make you more easily convinced of arguments [sip] that go against your beliefs.

Ze: [news voice] In other news (screenshot of http://tinyurl.com/e7gaf), Nuri al-Maliki, Iraq's prime minister, said he would release 2,500 mostly Shi'ite prisoners, in an apparent bid to shore up his authority amid signs of tension in his ruling Shi'ite Alliance.

Ze: [holding Starbucks cup, casual voice] And if I can take a moment to editorialize, I've always trusted that the Bush administration would do everything in its power to create the conditions necessary for victory, and I think that a release of prisoners intended to pander to ethnic divisions will be remembered as the turning point towards that very victory. (sip)

EACH NEW CUT is slightly off kilter at a different angle for the product placement

Ze: [smug] Mmm, Starbucks, makes you an empty vessel for implausible assertions.

Ze: [smug] ...makes you a willing servant of your local hegemon.

Ze: [smug] ...makes you a filthy raunchy puppet. [cut to Ze looking shocked and delighted]

Ze: The word "puppet" refers to any controllable character. Like an orc or a warrior.

Ze: [Looking off camera disapprovingly, then shakes head sadly] Bobo twins!

S-s-s-something from the Bible

Ze: S-s-s-something from the Bible


Ze: ['quietly'] New King James Edition

Ze: [Dramatic reading voice] Dueteronomy 22. The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man

Ze: [Confused] Pertaineth?

Ze: Neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God


Ze: Phooey

Ze: Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together.


Ze: The Bible is dirty.

Ze: If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her

Ze: Go in unto her. Hee-hee.

Ze: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate

Ze: 'Tokens on the damsel's virginity?'

Ze: What, like, her D&D books?

Ze: And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days.

Ze: [Piecing things together] So wait... if a man hates his wife... and lies about her being a virgin... he has to pay her dad... but she has to stay married to him. Even though he hates her?

Ze: [Indignant dumb person voice]Where's the justice in that?

Ze: A man shall not take his father's wife, nor discover his father's skirt.


Ze: Huh?

Before Closing

Ze: (grinning like an idiot) "That was so much fun! Lets do it every Friday! Maybe I'll even re-think my 'no nudity' policy!"

[Stares at camera, his idiot grin slowly dissolving into a mask of self-loathing. Cut away right before tears.]


Ze: This is Ze Frank, letting you think, so I don't have to.

[Ze proceedces to fold a t-shirt just like the link on the bottom of the page http://www.howtofoldashirt.net/]]



Ze: (murmers) Are the old viewers gone yet?

Parting Shot

Ze: First.

[Freeze Frame]

Raw Material

Old, partial script

[Ze speaking like they do on the Fine Living channel, prim and proper, along with Fine Living channel typs of music, lot's of eye brown movement. music fades] “Oh hi, Sports Racers, I'm Ze Frank and it's [drawn out, queen like] Fabulouso Friday. Since so many of you have asked what it is I do aaall daaay, I thought I'd give you, [make tiny gesture with fingers, squint face] just a peek, into the exciting and intoxicating journey of my daily life.

[Ze makes the 'come here' with the index finger] Come with me.”

[Ze makes excited, but control overtly feminine face and body movements as we follow him. Ze smiles big, speaks like a parent telling the kids they are going to the beach. Camera, up close] “Todaaay, [view bathroom] I'm cleaning the bathroom!”

[Shots of bathroom full of duckies. Quick flashes of duckies everywhere in the style of Alfred Hitchcock, accompanied by the music of Bernard Herrman's Psycho]

[Flash of Norman Bates pulling the shower curtain spliced into Ze pulling the shower curtain open. More duckies, more music, more flashes]

[close up] Ze says, “Hitchcock.” [insert: Image of George Bush at '...cock' 'SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE'] ZE: (slowly, with granuer) 'Hiiiiiiiiiitchcooooooooooock'

[EDIT/NOTE: The above section would be better if the part where he said 'Hitchcock' were edited, show loop the 'hitch' part 5 times, then the long 'hitch,' then same funny pause of glee and holding in excitement, then 'cock' looped 5 times, followed by the long 'cock' yell]

CUT ZE: (jar jar like) 'Mesa Liken very much the Filmakers!'

[Speaking instructionally and stiff] “Here are just some of the products I use to clean.”

[Show cleaning products] comet, windex, bleach, scrubbing bubbles, macaroni and cheese, Campbell's Tomato Soup (picture of Andy Worhal on the can), perhaps some other strange food products, what ever you have in the cupboard. [Ze makes sly face and that tight open mouth thing he does.]

[Flash to Ze holding a tooth brush upright and with a concerned and slightly unhappy tone saying] “I hate cleaning the toilet, don't you? I just wish it would go faster?” [Film Ze cleaning the toiletocassionally looking up and smiling, wiping brow, making other faces. Speed up the camera really fast]

[Standing up quickly and making the 'that's that' with his hands] “There!” [pause] “Now the tub!”

[Ze dives down and start scrubbing the tub.] [Flash to computer news screen, read news. TBA Thursday or more news about the Hiadth cover up].

[Back to Ze on his knees bending over the tub rinsing it with a duckie cup, humming child's nursery song] “This is the way we wash the...” [Ze, stops humming. Turns and sits on the bathroom floor, holding one knee in his arms. He makes a personal and insightful comment about the news. TBA Thursday or "free improvisation" on Ze's part. He said no to nuidty not no improvisation. I command he does free improvisation here!]

[After the comment. Quick shots of Ze, wearing swimming trunks, in a tub full of Mr. Bubble and duckies. He's playing bombardier. Lots of flash sequences of this activity with his voice, real pictures of bombing and exploding sounds. This play could relate to the news item. i.e. Hiadth coving up. All the bombed and killed duckies are being pushed under the bubbles by US and UK duckies. Ze holds two [[duckie and makes a high pitched dialog between two duckies,] “we're not gonna tell anyone about this, let's get our stories straight, hurry give me some money, for what, we'll pay what's left of the families off, how much you got, 20 bucks, how much you got, 15, that's not enough, shit what are we gonna do, fuck if I know, oh shit here comes the neighbors!”

{too hard? too soon?}

[flash of all the new and exciting t-shirst] [Next, Ze is ironing a couple of the new Meaningless Products. Meaningless Products are hanging everywhere in his apartment. Ze holds one of the shirts up and smiles. No sound, but the fuzz of the room and microphone]

[While ironing Ze is watching TV. Play short clips of American Idol, or something more topical (winners and losers TV) Ze doesn't want the popular person on the show to win and hates the new winner. This is an opportunity for Ze to talk to his other self; an argument Pro winner and Con winner – gay vs straight – man vs women – child vs adult. Write short dialogue here. I don't watch network TV so I have no clue what season big endings are taking place.]

[The dialogue escalated. In the end the Con side, in disgust, throws the iron at the TV. Since it is plugged in (tight) to the outlet the iron pulls back against the wall instead chipping the plaster (note: ze, check with your landlord, tell him this is all for the sake of art and the nation) a look of horror ensues upon Ze's face, he bites fist. His Pro [smart ass adult] side states the obvious, in a very optimistic and somewhat sarcastic tone] “You'll need spackle to fix that!” [Con child side pouts and says defensively] “I know!”

[Close up of Ze finishing the spackle job, speaking some words of wisdom] “Life, like walls, can have many holes. Shit happens. [looks at the now concealed hole in the wall, smiles charmingly] But, we can cover those holes and (try to) hide how we got them!”

[Ze proudly puts the final touches of spackle on the wall, looks at the camera and says] “I'm Ze Frank th... (pause) spackling so you don't have to.” [Ze throws kiss, pokes his finger in the newly spackled wall, and says] “Poop.”

-Alternatives ending. [Landlord pounds on door yells] “Frank what the hell are you doing to my apartment?!” [Real look of concern on Ze's face, camera cuts].

Great ideas

  • S-s-s-something from the Bible.
  • Zefrank must tell his own version of The Aristocrats.
  • End Fabuloso Friday's show with the line, "Are the new viewers gone yet?"
  • music good for slow mo stuff - http://www.epdlp.com/clasica.php?id=193
  • Our team finally finished the theshow fabuloso friday intro splash animation front clip scene. Many Bothans died. Not for information, but just because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Stupid Bothans.


  • How about this?

Ze goes from dirty space news to mercury in tuna being bad for women (ie MSNBC Article) and showing the following picture (ie TunaSafe) and ending with (Tuna Tattoo

  • More songs!!! How about a Country music style rap, sung by Ze in a cowboy hat. Read a draft below:

Is it golden? (overlapping: 'duckies') Is it walnut? (o/l: 'yeehaw') Is it solid? (o/l: 'naughty') Is it wet? (o/l: 'blak') Will it jump across the puddle, When black gold is on the bed?

You hate your boss, well so do I. Let's build a bridge, and let's be pals. Let's bomb a school, let's scream and shout. When asked tough questions, Let's pose and pout. (insert this image here: toutunfromage.canalblog.com/images/george_bush.jpg)

Tough business, never finding terror... How 'bout a glance in the 'mirra'?

  • S-s-s-something from the Bible. Preferably the Old Testament. Like in I Kings, when Elisha (with the power of God) calls on bears to maul forty-two youth who called him a baldhead.
  • "I'm not a duck. I'm a mallard-American."
  • someone sets fire to Ze's stank ass bathrobe and Little Ducky gets thrown in or saved from a well by the Bobo Twins.
  • He should sing a song about the history of the universe... from a Scientologist's perspective. [2]
  • I think that Zefrank should tell his own version of The Aristocrats.

S-s-s-omethin from the three-armed baby

  • I think the three armed baby [3] needs coverage. Just look at the picture, it's dirty...
  • Activities with pancakes
  • Wake up early and visit the rocketboom set
  • Interview of Annie (A) by Ze (Z) using cat sign language & explanatory subtitles (only subtitles below- you know the cat signs for it):
Z: What is your favorite dish?
A: Lox, not that you ever get it for me.
Z: And your favorite beverage?
A: Lemonade from the big bowl.
Z: What's your favorite lullaby?
A: Any song that includes a belch.
Z: Want to ask the viewers anything?
A: Yeah. What's the deal with the duckies?
  • Go on the Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart and talk about politics sarcastically together.
  • Five seconds of fast frame-by-frame showing this page's history, how the script developed, as a closer?
  • Ze balances a ducky on head for entire show.
  • Ze makes fun of the dumb ideas presented on this page, then says "Screw it. I knew this Friday Faboloso thing would backfire." He continues with the show as normal.
  • Regular show except Ze is all gothed out with, like, 60 bucks worth of hot topic clothes and merchandise
  • Ze clips in George W. random photos to "How Do You Work This Thing?" imagine the possibilities...
  • If TheShow ends with a shot of Ze under the bed, it should open with a shot of Annie under the bed.
  • Sit in front of you crib playing guitar for $$. See how much you can make in a day.
  • Do an entire show in the subway or in the back of a cab. (Or the Staten Island Ferry... get out and get some fresh air, anyways; you look pale.)
  • Introduce us to some of your favourite people. On video.
  • Drive-thru liquor stores...
  • Drive-thru ATMs with Braile... There's one by my house. I'm sure you can think of something funny to say about that.
  • Go into your local Starbucks and ask the barrista to say the following, while staring directly at the camera: "Yes. No. I. This is." Thank him/her and then tip generously. (Obligatory neighborhood note: Caroline would totally do that (she's the one who looks like a record store clerk), as would Liz (henna'ed hair, Brooklyn accent.) Austin would do it and pay you for the privelege, but then he'd insist on talking to you about it every single time you went into the store for approximately forever. So no Austin.)
  • Amanda Congdon makes a (non-nude) live appearance to give Ze a ducky.
  • Amanda Congdon makes a (nude) live appearance to give Ze a ducky (and/or blowjob).
  • Hawaiian Skirt Friday!
  • Record the show with you speaking in reverse. Then reverse the audio so it sounds correct.
  • Steal food trays from fast food restaurants and place them under rear tires of front wheel drive car w/emergency brake on. Attempt to drive in straight line (large parking lot recommended).
  • S-s-s-something from the comments, from Thursday.
  • there should be nothing but ze making motor boat sounds with his lips in slow motion!
  • Make it rain inside!
  • Discuss how the expansion of Islam will profit the world. Also, talk about cheese. Have you ever made your own type of cheese?
  • Discuss a dinner planned for 4
  • Annie eats the Giant Baby!
  • Have Tom Strasthle make an appearance to show off his Sports Racer logo.
  • Sped up footage of eating lots of junk food (pound of skittles?)(C'mon... poor guy's already got the trots...)
  • Your cat needs to make an appearance. Yes! I definitely want to see annie.... I am another person and I second this! And don't you have TWO cats? Can we meet the other one? (How about as a ten-second chase shot through your apartment, followed by "Are the new viewers gone yet?")
  • I want to see some dancing. The Monkey Dance especially, on a bed but YOUR bed not some hotel room bed. Dancing the Monkey Dance. Plus some other dancing.
  • Speculate about what your job may in fact be. Cut to shots of you looking awkward performing said jobs.
  • Ze moves to Canada, and proceeds to attempt to fit in, but fails miserably because he can't say eh properly
  • Do the entire show without using the word "the."
  • Record one section where you speak, e.g. "Something from the comments", and then reverse your recording. Learn to speak the reversed speech. Record that and reverse it again. This is of course totally pointless. (Very "David Lynch"...)
  • 1) Find baby with gold. 2) Trade him/her walnuts for it. 3) Profit!
  • Ze should have a glass of whiskey besides the cigar, and should be drinking from it all the time. The whole show would get progressively good as he gets drunk...
  • Sing "Sur Le Pont D'Avignon" Sur le pont d'Avignon, L'on y danse, l'on y danse; Sur le pont d'Avignon, L'on y danse tout en rond. Les beaux messieurs font comme ça; Et puis encore comme ça.
  • Any other ideas? No talking.
  • Dueling slogans [with the usual juxtaposing close-ups and closer-ups]: Awesome! Asshole. Awesome. Asshole. Awesome. Asshole!
  • Make an entire show while falling-down drunk.
    • For best results, get really drunk and then fall from a high place. Cuz, you see, the high place will give you more time for jokes, and the alcohol will slowly deteriorate your liver.
  • Use the word "feces" at least once
    • Experiment with "feces monger"
  • Conversation, about anything:
    • "Why did you do that?"
    • "I was thoisty!"
  • Do entire show in stupid mocking English accent from that show when you were in Europe
  • Self-defeating signs like "Da Vinci Code Free Zone"
  • New song: "Is that an elite member of the russian mafia in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
  • Have God, Christ or Satan appear in the form of a sock puppet.
  • S-s-s-something from the Bible.
  • [snap-cut edit] Ze orders a Big Mac and a large Fries at his regular Starbucks, or something else incongruous (like a round-trip ticket to Bermuda or something) with Slow-motion video of the clerk's reaction. (even though by now they would know Ze does those sorts of things and would not give much of a reaction if any at all)
  • Ze: Tee Hee... antics...
  • A montage of Ze stroking a hypothetical beard whilst pondering graffiti 'round his neighborhood. Clips of going 'poop' in public places.
  • The video and audio probably shouldn't match up at all.
  • Goofy pictures of Amanda Congdon in "transition mode." These demonstrate why it's hard for a pretty woman to act silly:

http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/Image:Ac3.gif http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/Image:Ac2.gif http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/Image:Ac1.gif http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/Image:Ac4.gif

  • Ze: Mä pidän poopsta!....ja duckies...DUCKIES
  • your interpretation of the following diagram:


  • Ze: Today I reupholstered an entire watermelon with orange peels! [montage]

Rejected content and dialogue

Ze: POOP! (long pause as eyes slowly move towards the left, then after about five seconds... SAD FACE! And staring into the camera) Yeah, I need some beer.

(a shot of Ze walking down the street looking for the address. He sees the crappiest building ever, where the address leads him, and runs away. [OPT Screaming])

  • 10 SAY "POOP!"
  • 20 GOTO 10
  • Things explode. God smiles awkwardly.
  • Ze: And if you ever get in a fix just ask What Would Flying Spaghetti Monster Do? (WWFSMD?)
  • Ze then proceeds to smoke the bathrobe and wear the pipe
  • Ze: S-s-s-something from the comments. The king of jazz writes, "Alice was beginning to get very tired blah blah blah gently smiling Jews." Good story, milord, but the name Alice is already used in Through the Looking-Glass so you should probably get a different name. Like Mildred. Or Mildrette.
  • Ze: While I smoke, here's some dirty space news from Amanda Congdon
  • Amanda: (off-camera) Today's Dirty Space news: Lunar scientists are debating the best way to protect astronauts living and working on the Moon from harmful solar radiation. They want to know if bulldozers can save Moonwalkers from solar flares.
  • 'ze:' "Now seems like the perfect time [CUT] [desperate, vietnam 'help' video-like] (especially since I'm not writing the script!!) [CUT] [calm again] time to announce that I'm gay, and like to have gay butt-sex with men. [CUT] Yes, I do-not-a like-a the ladies. I am, indeed, a fruit.[CUT] [CU] [pissed as hell, but a calm fury.. stretches the words out with rage] Fuck you, audience.
  • Dress as a rubber duckie
  • Ze: (Indian accent) I am a huge crimson douchebag that plays Guild Wars. (Eton-inflected English accent, fast) I am a huge douchebag.


  • I think you should do something on these stories being on Drudge today:
  • Student Suspended for Eating Staff Member's Cookie...
  • Parent objects to punishment...
  • Woman shot while stealing gas...

Links to Video Content Prepared for Show

Fan Vlogs

  • Are you a Sports Racer? Do you have a Vlog? Put your link here:
  • Vlog Soup - A free tour of the video blogosphere.
  • JonWedd.com - mentioned during S-s-s-something from the comments today
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